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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that these women are living in blissful ignorance ?

67 replies

justbrowsingagain · 07/09/2023 23:14

I've just have a scroll on insta out of sheer boredom and am thinking about some of these WAGs, international and otherwise.
In the case of the women I follow, they're stunningly beautiful , intelligent, educated , professional and successful women but it's well known generally , where I live , that some of their husbands and partners are well known for drug use , cheating, questionable alpha male nonsense behaviour when out and abroad.
Now the country I'm in is a small country ... a village some would say , where you can almost make a connection with everyone you meet.
These aren't rumours. Plenty of photos, voice notes, videos and similar experiences circulate regularly.

Do you think that their OHs know what they're up to and choose to ignore or are they blissfully unaware?
Genuine question.

OP posts:
Original poster
justbrowsingagain · 07/09/2023 23:16

Should have mentioned that it's the rugby wags I'm talking about here.

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 07/09/2023 23:18

Confused Huh? Are these people you know, or are you just being nosy? I don't get why it bothers you.

CuteCillian · 07/09/2023 23:20

I think they choose to ignore.
This is done more easily when your peer group do the same.
If they are professional and successful women they will continue to thrive when their marriages end.
How are the players managing to avoid drug tests and media exposure?

Original poster
justbrowsingagain · 07/09/2023 23:24

Media all tied up here and drugs are mainly during down time on boys trips abroad.
Doesn't bother me. Just musing.

OP posts:
Rainpigeon · 07/09/2023 23:27

I think the glamour and the money help!

Nagado · 07/09/2023 23:28

In the case of the women I follow, they're stunningly beautiful , intelligent, educated, professional and successful women but it's well known generally , where I live , that some of their husbands and partners are well known for drug use , cheating, questionable alpha male nonsense behaviour when out and abroad

I don’t think that these women are any more immune from falling in love with horrible men than the rest of us are. Have a look on the relationships board and you’ll see lots of posts from women who are married to vile men but who have had their self esteem crushed, or who have no support and no money of their own, or who don’t want their children to have divorced parents. Unfortunately, wags don’t have the luxury of being able to keep it private.

Rainpigeon · 07/09/2023 23:28

Also they knew what they were getting into from the start so there are things that they knew were part of the deal.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/09/2023 23:31

If it's so well known then of course they "know", they just choose to ignore it. Like their peers do. Just that thing we don't talk about. The odd one will have enough when it's too obvious but let's face it, plenty of women put up with it - Colleen Rooney springs to mind

Original poster
justbrowsingagain · 07/09/2023 23:32

But that's my question.. I wonder do they think ... it'll be different for us or I'll change him or whatever bargaining they use?

OP posts:
Original poster
justbrowsingagain · 07/09/2023 23:37

I think she is in a different realm altogether. He must have cheated dozens of times in plain sight , like night clubs, cars etc. No denial, just a skip, hop and jump onto a plane and off she went with her boys till it all died down .. a bit like VB.
These men seem to be a bit more subtle but in the age of mobiles/ long lens etc now, its just just not possible to hide, lie, pretend, deny.

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 07/09/2023 23:38

I mean... just because they are beautiful doesn't make them immune from cheating and yobbish behaviour. A sleazy man who wants to cheat doesn't think "oh my girlfriend is a 9/10 so I'll leave well alone". It doesn't work like that.

I would hazard a guess that most of these women have married or shacked up with these men primarily for the money/lifestyle anyway. I wouldn't worry too much about them.

MyFetch · 07/09/2023 23:42

People have different standards. I wouldn’t have gone on a second date with some of the delights whose behaviour is treated as normal on Mn. Some women think that’s ‘what men are like’.

I don’t see the drug use as being likely, at least on any regular basis — know lots of pro rugby players because of DH, and they’re spot-tested all the time during the season. They seem a dull, decent bunch on the whole — their training regime during the season means they lead very quiet lives.

Original poster
justbrowsingagain · 07/09/2023 23:46

Yes... it's off season that the drugs seem to really kick in.

OP posts:
User135644 · 07/09/2023 23:48

Many women are attracted to men like that. Anything beats boring.

determinedtomakethiswork · 07/09/2023 23:49

There is an interesting AMA on here from a footballer's wife.

User135644 · 07/09/2023 23:50

Rainpigeon · 07/09/2023 23:28

Also they knew what they were getting into from the start so there are things that they knew were part of the deal.

They actively chose these men. 'Beautiful, successful' etc etc, these women will not be short of admirers, but they want the arsehole or specifically the man who can give them the lifestyle they want.

Readingisgoodforyou · 07/09/2023 23:51

It must be the lifestyle that their rich husbands can provide that attracts them and then ropes them in for life. Coupled with their own earnings, the financial security and diamond rings / fancy holidays must be more attractive than a faithful, poor man.

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 07/09/2023 23:51

I’m sure they are aware but chose to stay with their partner anyway. We all have a line in the sand just not the same line.

WandaWonder · 07/09/2023 23:54

Are women ever capable of doing wrong or is it always 'these men are baddies' we constantly see on here people saying hoe terrible are in relationships but are all women sweet innocents little lambs who do no who do no wrong?

Bature · 07/09/2023 23:54

They might just not care. I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t. As long as he’s safe, I’m not overly fussed if my DH has sex with other women and I don’t have particularly strong feelings about drug usage. While these aren’t the prevailing sentiments on MN, I don’t think they’re that uncommon.

Nagado · 08/09/2023 00:00

WandaWonder · 07/09/2023 23:54

Are women ever capable of doing wrong or is it always 'these men are baddies' we constantly see on here people saying hoe terrible are in relationships but are all women sweet innocents little lambs who do no who do no wrong?

Several posts have insinuated that these women tolerate their partner’s infidelity just so they don’t lose their lifestyle, and others have suggested that they knew what they were getting into. So if ever there was a thread to ask ‘what about the poor innocent men being hurt by the wicked evil women’ it wouldn’t be this one now, would it? 🙄

Isittimeformynapyet · 08/09/2023 00:01

Isn't there a difference between scrolling out of boredom and actually following these women?

Fromvenus · 08/09/2023 00:02

The wives might not have that connection that a lot of women have with their husbands. Very superficial relationship that works day to day, no intimate conversations just enjoying the money and lifestyle. Maybe a lot like Melania and Trump.

Nagado · 08/09/2023 00:04

Bature · 07/09/2023 23:54

They might just not care. I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t. As long as he’s safe, I’m not overly fussed if my DH has sex with other women and I don’t have particularly strong feelings about drug usage. While these aren’t the prevailing sentiments on MN, I don’t think they’re that uncommon.

I find that really interesting (in a totally non judgemental way - more that I’ve not come across anyone who’s voiced this before and I’m really nosy). Feel free to either ignore me or tell me to Bugger off and mind my own business, but would you describe yourself as polygamous? Or just turning a blind eye? And does that freedom extend to you as well?

Teenagehorrorbag · 08/09/2023 00:06

determinedtomakethiswork · 07/09/2023 23:49

There is an interesting AMA on here from a footballer's wife.

Can you link?