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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday party

28 replies

chazabella · 06/09/2023 14:12

Not really aibu but slightly is.

Ds started school yesterday in reception, he's having his birthday party on Sunday and we have 15 places still available (35 included I the cost already invited 20 who have confirmed they are coming). He has asked if he can invite some of the children ( about 4 of them) however I don't know what to do.

1 it's short notice and I don't want the other parent to feel put out

2 unfortunately we can not invite all of the class (30 of them) and I don't want anyone to feel left out

3 I want ds to invite who ever he likes it's his party.

We don't have a group message or anything really not sure what to do as really don't want a kid to feel left out especially so close to starting school. A lot of the mums already know each other through pre school attached to the school where as I don't due to do going to another setting.

If anyone can give me ideas on what to do please let me know if I'm going to invite I want to send the invites tomorrow.

OP posts:
Drummend01 · 06/09/2023 14:17

Let DS invite whoever he wants to, don’t worry about what other parents think. Most reasonable people will understand.

Does DS know the names of the children? Could you go in a bit earlier and ask the teacher if you can put an invite in each of their drawers? Or could you ask DS to point out the children at drop off/pick up so you can hand the invite to the parents?

Ponoka7 · 06/09/2023 14:19

It's fine to invite the four. You couldn't have done a class party and there's enough left out for anyone to not take it personally.

Sidslaw · 06/09/2023 14:22

just invite the four he has asked about

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 06/09/2023 14:23

He only wants to invite 4, that's hardly leaving people out

It's nice he already has friends he wants to invite

Positive41 · 06/09/2023 19:18

So are the 20 confirmed from another setting and he only wants to invite 4 from his reception class?

Whatever you do, please do not hand out invites on the playground. Other parents/kids might notice and feel excluded.

WhateverMate · 06/09/2023 19:20

4 kids?

That's fine, I don't know why you're worrying.

housethatbuiltme · 06/09/2023 19:21

My DS started school yesterday and has brought home FOUR invites already (amazingly they dont clash but every day this weekend and next we have a birthday party, 3 are at the same venue too).

Its not to late to invite people.

Out of curiousity though who are the 20 you already invited?

I would personally have done a class party more than say cousins, your friends kids or their old nursery friends (who they tend to lose touch with and grow apart from quickly). These new kids are the kids he needs to get to know and will likely be around forming his main daily social group for the next 5-6+ years.

Positive41 · 06/09/2023 19:23

housethatbuiltme · 06/09/2023 19:21

My DS started school yesterday and has brought home FOUR invites already (amazingly they dont clash but every day this weekend and next we have a birthday party, 3 are at the same venue too).

Its not to late to invite people.

Out of curiousity though who are the 20 you already invited?

I would personally have done a class party more than say cousins, your friends kids or their old nursery friends (who they tend to lose touch with and grow apart from quickly). These new kids are the kids he needs to get to know and will likely be around forming his main daily social group for the next 5-6+ years.

Wow, 4 invites!

How old is your DC?

housethatbuiltme · 06/09/2023 19:38

Positive41 · 06/09/2023 19:23

Wow, 4 invites!

How old is your DC?

Show quote history

He just started reception yesterday.

TolkiensFallow · 06/09/2023 20:00

Inviting 4 children from school is fine.

You’ll find people tend to either invite 4-6, all the girls or boys, or all the class. The only thing that’s really not on, is leaving out 1 kid.

Original poster
chazabella · 06/09/2023 22:31

Spoken to dp and we are going to invite the 4 kids and if anything is said just apologise explain numbers and the fact the party was the 1st week of school and hopefully next year everyone can be invited. I hate the thought of a kid being upset because they haven't been invited. I did try to book before he started but they where fully booked to try and prevent all this. Thank you everyone for reassuring me

OP posts:
Positive41 · 06/09/2023 22:45

chazabella · 06/09/2023 22:31

Spoken to dp and we are going to invite the 4 kids and if anything is said just apologise explain numbers and the fact the party was the 1st week of school and hopefully next year everyone can be invited. I hate the thought of a kid being upset because they haven't been invited. I did try to book before he started but they where fully booked to try and prevent all this. Thank you everyone for reassuring me

But you didn't really answer any questions

Hope you have not invited 20 from the class, 4 on the reserve list and leaving out the rest.

If so, not cool. Not cool at all

underneaththeash · 06/09/2023 23:00

Positive41 · 06/09/2023 22:45

But you didn't really answer any questions

Hope you have not invited 20 from the class, 4 on the reserve list and leaving out the rest.

If so, not cool. Not cool at all

Show quote history

I don't think that's happened and anyway - they're 4. They'll have forgetten about it in a couple of days anyway

Positive41 · 06/09/2023 23:05

underneaththeash · 06/09/2023 23:00

I don't think that's happened and anyway - they're 4. They'll have forgetten about it in a couple of days anyway

Show quote history

It has most certainly happened.

The kid's will be talking about it - before and after possibly.

Yes, they are too young

But parents will remember. It will be logged.

How does the OP mark out 4 children that will not be invited. 'Sorry, numbers were limited-i will think about your kids next year'.

Off to a very rocky start.

You do not ever exclude 4 children from a whole class party- which is what this is.

Would you be ok with this-for your child? I doubt it.

Would you smile and wave at this mum? Doubt it

Her kid is so young to be making these judgements. They have a long road ahead. And parents do talk.

dearanon · 06/09/2023 23:05

How many have you invited from his class

Orangeglows · 06/09/2023 23:09

Positive41 · 06/09/2023 23:05

It has most certainly happened.

The kid's will be talking about it - before and after possibly.

Yes, they are too young

But parents will remember. It will be logged.

How does the OP mark out 4 children that will not be invited. 'Sorry, numbers were limited-i will think about your kids next year'.

Off to a very rocky start.

You do not ever exclude 4 children from a whole class party- which is what this is.

Would you be ok with this-for your child? I doubt it.

Would you smile and wave at this mum? Doubt it

Her kid is so young to be making these judgements. They have a long road ahead. And parents do talk.

Show quote history

What are you talking about? OP made it clear that the 20 children are not from school, probably from nursery etc. They are inviting 4 only from school.

Positive41 · 06/09/2023 23:12

Orangeglows · 06/09/2023 23:09

What are you talking about? OP made it clear that the 20 children are not from school, probably from nursery etc. They are inviting 4 only from school.

Show quote history

OP has been asked who the confirmed kids are- she has ignored the question from me and others.

So who are they?

Where did she make that clear? Please copy and paste her response to this.

UsingChangeofName · 07/09/2023 00:19

@Positive41 It's pretty clear in the Op.

Not sure why you are making stuff up ?

Orangeglows · 07/09/2023 07:26

Positive41 · 06/09/2023 23:12

OP has been asked who the confirmed kids are- she has ignored the question from me and others.

So who are they?

Where did she make that clear? Please copy and paste her response to this.

Show quote history

In the OP ‘He has asked if he can invite some of the children ( about 4 of them) however I don't know what to do’
Makes it pretty clear to most of us that he wants to invite 4 children from school. Yes also not sure why you are making things up, you’re being very odd and OTT about this.

Takacupokindnessyet · 07/09/2023 08:01

Positive41 · 06/09/2023 23:05

It has most certainly happened.

The kid's will be talking about it - before and after possibly.

Yes, they are too young

But parents will remember. It will be logged.

How does the OP mark out 4 children that will not be invited. 'Sorry, numbers were limited-i will think about your kids next year'.

Off to a very rocky start.

You do not ever exclude 4 children from a whole class party- which is what this is.

Would you be ok with this-for your child? I doubt it.

Would you smile and wave at this mum? Doubt it

Her kid is so young to be making these judgements. They have a long road ahead. And parents do talk.

Show quote history

I think you are reading it wrong. She had said that they're are 35 places but can't accommodate 30 from school as 20 have been invited already. She didn't know the children previously as went to a different preschool so seems pretty clear that the 20 are not from the class and there was never any mention of leaving just 4 out.

Positive41 · 07/09/2023 09:41

OP?

Drummend01 · 07/09/2023 09:58

Positive41 · 07/09/2023 09:41

OP?

I think OP has enough to think about rather than replying to you.

You have read it wrong and are making OP out to be nasty when she is not.

OP said they have 35 places overall, if the 20 already invited were from the class, then she could invite the other 10 children as there is 15 spaces spare but this is not the case.
The situation is (which OP did explain well enough for everyone else to understand) OP has invited 20 children who they know from somewhere other than school, that leaves her with only 15 spaces spare so she can’t invite the whole new class of 30. So her son has asked if he can invite 4 new friends from the class he has just started in, meaning 26 children from the class wont get an invite and 4 will. Not a big deal. So stop hounding OP.

mondaytosunday · 07/09/2023 10:22

If you ask only a select few do NOT hand out the invites in school. Either identify the parents at the school gate and discreetly ask them or find out contact details (class WhatsApp for example) and get in touch individually.
Not everyone can invite the whole class and in my experience they do not talk about parties as they live in the moment. But if you hand out invites at school and some don't get one it will be talked about.

Original poster
chazabella · 07/09/2023 13:37

The 20 are from nursery and family (none linked the the school) the 4 are from the school.

I have also bought a cake for the whole class and little packets of sweets for them to enjoy on his birthday tomorrow (I have checked with school that this okay which it is)

Sorry iv not replied as quick as other people do but iv been sorting his presents, school, looking after other ds who is coming of a dummy at 1 years old, getting everything ready for the party along with everyday life of work etc

OP posts:
Original poster
chazabella · 07/09/2023 13:40

I am also waiting to hand them out tomorrow once iv spoken to his teacher about putting them into the kids bag for them so the other ones don't see / get upset about it

OP posts: