To worry about DD 9 not being able to read....it's a long one!

[Helena2000]

They know. I tell them all the time. I have so many meetings about her with the school. They are lovely as individuals, and they all love DD, but they tell me they've got no resources and they are under staffed because they've had their budgets cut by the government, so they can'tgive her what she needs.
I tried to get her referred for assessment but the local authority said she doesn't meet the criteria because the criteria has been tightened because referrals have increased whilst their education budget has been cut.
School did a dyslexia screen last year and the results said she doesn't have dyslexia.
School tell me to teach her at home, but DD wants to switch off when she gets home and gets frustrated when I try to do reading with her, so then it becomes counter productive.
I just go round and round in circles.

Morning everyone,
I've just checked in to read replies and am horrified to see that instead of posting my original post, I've somehow pasted and copied a translation of a personal text I sent to someone last night. I pasted and copied my original post from the SEN section in to AIBU as I wasn't getting any replies in the SEN section, but somehow my phone has pasted a text conversation!!! Which reveals my DD name which I would never post on here.
I'm going to ask mumsnet to edit her name out.
Meanwhile, thank you for all your incredibly supportive replies, I'm taking all the advice in.
To the person who said I'm 2 years late to be worrying, I've been worrying since she was in year 1 and showing no signs of learning to read. I cannot tell you how many meetings I've had with school, going right back to year 1.
I'm going to post my original post now!

We had this lockdown was a blessing. Ended up taking him back to p.1 phonics and just working our way through it. We used reading eggs. They do regular tests of kids reading age. Managed to increase his reading age by 6 years in 18months. This was confirmed by school testing

I do think the just wanting to chill is a self protection mechanism. School taught my child that if they were challenging or a bit difficult then they would let them get on with what they like and not really bother teaching them.

I think it’s really hard for bright children, with “amazing vocabulary” as everyone expects them to fly at school. It’s easy to mask in lower stages, memorising biff and chip books etc. Then they are so far behind they can’t participate in lessons.

You absolutely have to start doing something. Even just 30 minutes a day of actual work. No distractions, no getting sidetracked into interesting conversations. Lots of praise where appropriate.

OP you're going to have to enforce this at home. My DD is dyslexic and it was blood sweat and tears to get her reading but she's OK now although still struggles at school. I cannot reccomend a book called Toe by Toe enough. You do 10 mins a day every day, consistency is key. Follow it exactly and read books at home too. We take turns reading to each other. You can carry on speaking to school until you're blue in the face but at the end of the day she just needs to be able to read.

You need to toughen up a bit and do some hard parenting. At 9 she should be able to read and understand a little of the consequences for not being able to read. No 9 year should should not be able to read without a diagnosed condition.

When you say she can’t read what exactly do you mean? Still unable to read the most basic CVC words or reading a few years behind peers?

up until middle of year 3 Ds was very much stuck with his reading just not clicking. He didn’t seem to respond to phonics (always likes to be different) but finding books he enjoyed and perseverance got there eventually! You do need to find a way to back up things at home too though reading together, normalising reading, enjoying reading.

The child probably does have a condition but getting support from the school can be very difficult, especially if she is reading a little before but can't keep up when the work starts to accelerate in yr4/5.

@Helena2000 will send a PM.

eye test first.
it could 'just' be thag she can't see clearly. in reading distance.
my niece saw double and could only see blobs in books until she got glasses. she masked that really well and could draw, but couldn't stay within the lines in colouring books. she didn't squint so was more difficult to spot.

Hi @Helena2000 DS was similar to your DD and learned to read in Yr 6. Turns out he wasn’t a lazy daydreamer (thank you school) but is dyslexic and ADD. What helped him were graphic novels and cartoon books, a teacher that realised that when he wasn’t able to concentrate then a change of activity helped more than shouting and a realisation that he was one of the apparently non existent children who were simply never going to learn via Phonics.

You pay for a private dyslexia test. This is not something the school can provide (or diagnose).

Our (quite good and supportive) school also told me DS1 wasn't dyslexic, he was severely dyslexic. They also told me his brother was dyslexic (who I had tested anyway because I now knew what I was doing!) and he was mildly dyslexic. But DS2 was more typically dyslexic, whereas DS1 was a more atypical presentation.

For the moment forget about teaching her yourself. Just pay for the test.

I agree with using ‘toe by toe’ as this is used by many adults who struggle to read too.
You can often find them on eBay second hand.

There is obviously something additional going on which needs to be dealt with but as an ex secondary school teacher I urge you to try and help her to read before he gets to secondary school, as it gets so much more difficult then and she will face a lifetime of feeling very insecure about it and difficulties throughout her life.

My DDs primary school teacher said it doesn’t matter what they read as long as they’re reading. So we often didn’t read the typical books we read magazines, comics, world record books, joke books, dog breed books etc anything that my DD found interesting.
We used to go to the library and make it fun picking one out.

She doesn’t need to read it straight after school.
And if it’s a book she enjoys then she’ll want to read it.

It’s important you read to her too.
Books like Jacqueline Wilson or Harry Potter are really good for that age and she’ll get into the routine of looking forward to you reading the next chapter (so did I).

I would say to my DD to read 5/10mins of her book and be really interested in it. She’d give it a go and then I’ll help her with certain words if she needs it.
And then I would read to her.

I’m sure there must be word games now as well and so I’d look these up and encourage her to play them for 10 mins a day.

This BTW is rubbish. If she is dyslexic she is not going to be able to read however much you tell her/force her/hard parent her.

It is highly likely she is dyslexic as not being able to read is a big big red flag. Most kids pick up reading automatically especially by 9 and not reading means a problem exists.

Our school used to have parent helpers in in the mornings for children who were having difficulty with reading. It’s free for the school and so helpful. After my daughter was helped with reading by a parent I volunteered and read with children 3 mornings a week for a few years. I don’t know why more schools don’t do it.

Do 20 mins in the morning if she is too tired after school.

My son was screened by school and I was informed he was not dyslexic.

I paid for two independent assessment, both almost identical in their findings that he has profound difficulties, he triggered on almost every dyslexia marker.

The difference is, he's been a fluent reader since 4, so schools dismissed my concerns.

The reports are hard to read as a parent. One thing that shocked me was that he has 'no phonetical awareness'

I thought I was doing so well teaching him his phonics when he was young! Apparently he's learned his own strategies.

Get her privately assessed

Get a private tutor

Insist she does 15 minutes a day with you every day

Change schools

At 9 this is really serious and it's irrelevant that you've been pressuring the school since year 1. She can't read. So you need to take drastic action

Seeing double like that is usually convergence insufficiency and it’s quite common and usually treatable with exercises. Worth getting the optician to check.

I would add a hearing test as well as an eye test - hearing has a huge impact on our ability to read. If we can’t hear sounds properly we can’t understand how sounds are formed by letters.

My DD had a significant hearing problem that hadn’t been identified - many children with learning difficulties actually have poor hearing that isn’t identified. My DD could hear 1:1 (or could work out what was being said) but thrown in background noise in class and she was lost. It’s worth checking just in case.

I’d ignore all the “time got hard parenting” comments. Your child will be very aware they can’t read, and that they will be behind their classmates. Their confidence with reading will be through the floor so lots of very positive encouragement is needed, little and often rather than a regimented 30 minutes a day, focussed on what they can do. You can’t force a child to learn but positive engagement with them will make a huge difference.

Appalling that school has done little to help, but you can’t rely on them suddenly leaping into action now she is 9. You need to get cracking now - private assessment, enforce daily practice at home (at the same time of day, non negotiable, rewards for effort afterwards), get hold of toe by toe. Reading is too important to leave in the hands of strangers.

This sounds very strange. I don't ever imagine a school washes their hands and says teach a child at school?

Schools ask for support- words around the house (make a game of it) sharing books, reading together etc. they aren't expecting you to do the whole thing? If you haven't misunderstood then you need to change schools!!!

Phonics doesn't work for every child, we've so much focus on this in school now to the detriment of a love of reading. If anyone has read the awful RWI books it's surprising to see that anyone likes reading anymore 🤷🏼‍♀️

Schools ask for support- words around the house (make a game of it) sharing books, reading together etc. they aren't expecting you to do the whole thing? If you haven't misunderstood then you need to change schools!!!

If you have a child with additional needs schools can very much just not teach your child. If your child doesn’t respond to whatever the current teaching strategy is, needs small group or 1:1 teaching etc it’s easy for schools to say the child can’t learn when actually the school don’t have the time, capacity or expertise to adjust the teaching style to your child’s needs. It happens regularly.

Parents of ASN needs to be able to fight for their child and use tutors, teaching aids etc because mainstream schools can be unwilling or unable to do much more than physically keep them in school.

Toe by toe! there us also a very supportive facebook group with children between 7 and 16 (from what i’ve seen).
My oldest is severely dyslexic, he is 10 now and he can read at an age appropriate level (just slow!). Toe by toe is a slug, but it really helps

@timegoingtooquickly your average state school doesn’t have the resources to support children with anything more than very mild SENDs. Its not that they don’t want to, they can’t.
for this reason we are paying private school fees - we had the choice between giving up on an education for him, home schooling (i.e. one of us giving up our job - not an option), and independent schooling….

What is your situation? Are you able to dedicate time on a weekday to this? If so, request half a day's authorised absence for educational activity off site. Request a term initially. They have said they can't do it, they ought not to stand in the way of YOU doing it.
If you're not confident you can do it yourself, find a local tutor who specialises in language/reading. Contacting a local private speech and language therapist may assist you in finding someone appropriate. Using a professional will strengthen your case for half a day out of school.
Throw everything you've got at this because the ability to read and understand what you're reading is absolutely key in life whether your plan is astrophysics or stock control down Tesco's (and I have a dc in both camps). Apologies, number-lovers, but the reading trumps everything.

Direct phonics instruction is needed. How to teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons is worthwhile or toe by toe. The phonics book series Totem and Talisman are worthwhile. You can get the teachers guide which you can photo copy. They have other series which have female protagonist if you think that would engage her more.

It is exhausting.