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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if people use wedding registries?

58 replies

WeddingRegistry · 05/09/2023 16:55

I'm getting married in 2 weeks and have a wedding website with an online registry. While we have a mechanism for gifting cash I've also got a registry that took me many hours to make, got a good mix of gifts on there from £10 right up to big ticket items! Also suggestions for people who don't want to buy a specific 'thing' e.g 'plants for the garden' (not really plants but you get the idea)

Did anybody appreciate my effort in making life easier?

Nope, out of 40 guests only 3 have bought/reserved stuff.

Maybe people will think about it last minute, but what if people turn up with multiple toasters?? Or champagne flutes? Of course I'll write everyone a nice thank you note etc etc but still.

Chief of which... future H's parents... who made such a big fuss about the registry because 'friends will want to buy you gifts' and then crickets. If I'd known that nobody would care I wouldn't have bothered.

So tell me, people of MN... do you use registries, or just buy what you want?

FYI of course the day is to celebrate but I think I'm just annoyed at how this was made out to be a big deal and wasted so much of my time.

OP posts:

MariaVT65 · 06/09/2023 22:05

I’ve never been to a wedding with a registry. I think if I did, I probably wouldn’t be thinking about it far in advance though. People have other gifts to think of like birthdays in the meantime.

Also, yeah weddings are expensive to attend, so it really depends on how you then communicate the whole ‘here is a list of gifts we also want’.

Original poster

WeddingRegistry · 06/09/2023 22:10

Pottedpalm · 05/09/2023 18:21

DS and DDiL used one for their recent wedding. They already had a lot of stuff but will move to a bigger place in Spring when DGCh is born. They included items for the new house as well as traditional crockery etc. About 2/3 of the items were purchased, with groups of work friends clubbing together for some big ticket items. A few (mainly family) gave money. They had about four gifts not from the register.

aww that's lovely. Congratulations on becoming MIL and the future grandchild! (ok well maybe you have other already married kids but still). It's nice to see that people used the registry!

OP posts:

forgotname · 06/09/2023 22:10

Got married last Friday, used Prezola (mainly for cash options) and John Lewis for other items. Nothing was purchased from JL list. Started to receive cash on Prezola a week before. Still receiving up until yesterday. We used one of them letter box things on the day and also received a lot of cards with cash in them.

Original poster

WeddingRegistry · 06/09/2023 22:11

BarbieKew · 06/09/2023 22:05

I love a registry and buy early so there’s a good choice, I’d much rather give a present than cash, if possible. However, most people leave these things until the last minute, so I’m sure more will be ticked off your list.

Aww thanks.
Yes, I would also buy early so I can have my pick (plus I might forget). I guess others don't though.
Or maybe they prefer cash. Who knows?

OP posts:

Original poster

WeddingRegistry · 06/09/2023 22:20

MariaVT65 · 06/09/2023 22:05

I’ve never been to a wedding with a registry. I think if I did, I probably wouldn’t be thinking about it far in advance though. People have other gifts to think of like birthdays in the meantime.

Also, yeah weddings are expensive to attend, so it really depends on how you then communicate the whole ‘here is a list of gifts we also want’.

I also thought that maybe they did a bulk for 'Summer'... which is peak wedding season and mine isn't really, so maybe it's on the 'after the summer holidays' list of things to do.

See your last sentence doesn't really make sense. You say weddings are expensive to attend and that a list of gifts implies the couple want more, in addition to the cost of attending. At the same time, with threads on here everyone is insistent that going without a gift is the height of rudeness!

FWIW my wedding isn't going to be expensive for the majority of the guests, they mostly live near the venue, dress code smart casual. The few that have kids are leaving them with family. This isn't relevant to people giving gifts, but, unlike some of the things I have read on here with formal outfits, needing to travel/accommodation etc it does seem quite simple in comparison.

OP posts:

gogomoto · 06/09/2023 22:26

Years ago they were common but more recently people have lived together so it's cash or nothing (donations to charity are fairly common in my age group too)

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 06/09/2023 22:58

I always do my wedding gift list shopping last min when I log on to find out where I'm supposed to be and when the night before the wedding so you'll probably get lots of gifts then!

Have fun

MariaVT65 · 07/09/2023 06:55

WeddingRegistry · 06/09/2023 22:20

I also thought that maybe they did a bulk for 'Summer'... which is peak wedding season and mine isn't really, so maybe it's on the 'after the summer holidays' list of things to do.

Show quote history

Yeah I get what you’re saying, and I’d never go without a gift, but it’s the tone of how you ask for gifts. Most weddings i’ve been to have been very expensive to attend (i went to one last weekend that was in the middle of nowhere so everyone had to pay for very expensive taxis and accommodation). However, these couples have also said on their invites that they are not expecting gifts and that if you’d like to contribute, any amount of donation towards honeymoon would be appreciated. I think explicitly saying you don’t expect a gift is important especially if you’re going to provide a list of gifts.

I imagine though that as PP said, you may get more takers nearer the time. Just in the same way that if i arranged cash, i’d get it out a few days before.

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