To ask if people use wedding registries?

[WeddingRegistry]

I'm getting married in 2 weeks and have a wedding website with an online registry. While we have a mechanism for gifting cash I've also got a registry that took me many hours to make, got a good mix of gifts on there from £10 right up to big ticket items! Also suggestions for people who don't want to buy a specific 'thing' e.g 'plants for the garden' (not really plants but you get the idea)

Did anybody appreciate my effort in making life easier?

Nope, out of 40 guests only 3 have bought/reserved stuff.

Maybe people will think about it last minute, but what if people turn up with multiple toasters?? Or champagne flutes? Of course I'll write everyone a nice thank you note etc etc but still.

Chief of which... future H's parents... who made such a big fuss about the registry because 'friends will want to buy you gifts' and then crickets. If I'd known that nobody would care I wouldn't have bothered.

So tell me, people of MN... do you use registries, or just buy what you want?

FYI of course the day is to celebrate but I think I'm just annoyed at how this was made out to be a big deal and wasted so much of my time.

Would you rather buy something that goes straight in the bin though?

You know what I love about Mumsnet? Before I joined I thought I was quite grumpy and intolerant but now I realise I'm actually not. I'm fucking Pollyanna compared to some here. 😄

No I’d rather buy nothing!

But you’ve also asked for cash? Sorry but both cash and a registry seems unnecessary. Maybe most guests will give cash, or nothing, which is also fine. I’ve never been to a wedding with a registry.

I bought gifts from a registry about 20 years ago but it seems dated now.

I think it's cheeky these days especially when you say you've got big ticket items! Guests already spend a lot on outfits, travel, hotels etc. Just have a great time and forget about gifts!

I’ve only been to one wedding where there was a registry, we knew there would be one and a group of us had agreed to chip in to buy one of the more expensive items. Most expensive item was £50, we all gave them at least that in cash instead.

It never crossed my mind to use a registry when we got married, we were ‘grabby fuckers’ according to most of mumsnet and outright asked for cash.

I live in the US and gift registries might be my favourite thing about this country! I think they’re brilliant. And they’re very normal here. It’s always the first question when weddings are discussed, where are you registered.

I’d far rather give someone a gift that is to their needs or taste than something random. And most registries have something for every budget. However, I always give cash for a wedding gift and buy something from the registry for the wedding shower, which I know you don’t generally have in the UK.

when I got married I got loads of pink stuff including multiple sheet and duvet sets that didn’t even fit my bed. So I donated almost all of it. Plus about 6 China tea sets (6 cups and saucers). Never used. I wish I’d had a registry!

Moaning about presents? LMAO.
Contrary to what most of MN thinks (as per the 'how much to gift ' threads) I couldn't care less if I got zero gifts from guests. I invited them to share my special day, not for financial gain.

@Witchcraftandhokum I'm in two minds about that - I don't like the idea of asking for gifts but at the same time, as per the threads on here, it's expected. So why not remove the confusion for people? Also putting 'no gifts' to some people reads passive agressively... according to FMIL.

It was her that made a massive fuss about it so this thread is really to see what MN thinks. Of course, MN isn't reflective of real life, but I can't go around discussing this with real life people. Either they are invited to the wedding so It would look like I was fishing for gift info. OR they aren't, so I really shouldn't be talking about the wedding with them.

People can give cash online as well, that's what it means.
I don't 'care' about my wedding, other people do, and as evidenced by the threads on here almost everything you do has potential to offend people. Not only am I not British I'm also neurodiverse, and I don't really know what is acceptable or not. So I tried to give people a range of options. Future DH, also ND has no clue about any of this and FMIL is the only one having any advice/opinions!

Happy to have provided you some hilarity though, hope it makes your day better :)

I normally default to cash but yes, registries are fine too. Better than leaving me to work it out myself. Can't be arsed with the whole pretence that we don't both know full well I'm going to get you a present.

Haven't seen a registry in a few years though, now I come to think of it. And if I were one of your guests I probably would end up just doing cash.

In the real world most people like giving wedding presents, be it cash, vouchers or something off a list.

We didn't live together before marriage so people were very happy buying us saucepans, plates, tea towels etc off the list!

Aww hahaha that's encouraging - how did they arrive on time though?
Did they all arrive at your house after the wedding? So nobody brought anything to the venue?

Who cares what FMIL or other people might think though? Do what YOU want to do. If that’s put “no gifts”, then put no gifts! It’s your wedding, not your MILs

I agree, it's your wedding. You can clearly say "no gifts".
If you want, you could nominate a charity for donations if people want to give something.

Fwiw I can see that it'd be a bugger if you're ND OP. The etiquette in the UK has been on the move for a while, and people hold really different views. There's been a clear move towards cash, and having cultural heritage where that's the norm I think it's no bad thing. But it certainly hasn't permeated the whole of society yet.

@TedMullins @Maireas I wouldn't mind doing that, but FMIL thinks it's not the 'done thing'. Also, she said a lot of people would insist on giving gifts anyway so with a registry it would ensure that it wasn't duplicated or anything.
The logic of which i can't really argue with.

Perhaps a PP is right, it's too early. This is odd for me, as I am always organised, but if I don't do a thing when I remember it never gets done anyway.

Haha yes, that was FMIL's thinking!
Her other reason though was 'friends of the family' (who are not invited to the wedding) want to buy gifts and have asked her for ideas?
I don't know whether this is something common to her and her friends. She has sent gifts when she wasn't invited so maybe they're just 'repaying' what she's done?

@MolkosTeenageAngst I do think that also, some people think wedding gifts should be 'for the couple' (at least that's what comes up when I googled it) so PP who knew us individually might not know what to buy a 'couple'.

Also @MolkosTeenageAngst I do have 'suggestions' on there that aren't gifts. I use WithJoy so for example, one is 'some nice plants for front garden'.
I had no idea what's normal and every site I searched has different views so I just tried to cover all bases to not be seen as grabby.
One funny thing was... a very 'senior' relative bought the most expensive gift, FMIL was complaining to FDH about that, because then she and FFIL couldn't buy it!

Really can't win here can I? 😅

I agree, I certainly would buy from a registry if attending someone else's wedding
I think I'd ask close friends directly.
For others, especially for people I don't know that well it's better.

The recent 'wedding cash' here was eye-opening... £100 per person for a cash gift? Not for my wedding but that made me really nervous what if I went for someone else's wedding and they thought I was cheap?

At least a registry is easier. In my case I didn't think it was really needed as the wedding isn't that big, we can manage people asking directly and most attendees we speak to regularly anyway.

Thank you for your well wishes

@FionaChapman @floofball4 certainly opposite experiences here!
We're somewhere in between. We haven't been living together long - less than 2 years. We moved from our respective house shares into a flat, shortly before buying a house together a few months ago.
As such we haven't got a lot of stuff yet, neither of our previous homes had much space for anything other than the bare essentials.

We didn’t have a registry. We did get some really lovely and thoughtful gifts i’d have never thought to ask for though. Like someone got an artist to draw a small Harry Potter love potion picture with our names wedding date in it. It’s hung in our kitchen.

That's interesting!
It certainly seems to be a big thing in American weddings (I work with a lot of American people). I can certainly discuss weddings with them as there's no way they'd even expect an invite.

Also wondering whether as a PP said a lot of people don't want 'stuff' anyway

I love a registry and buy early so there’s a good choice, I’d much rather give a present than cash, if possible. However, most people leave these things until the last minute, so I’m sure more will be ticked off your list.

Oh dear, that's a shame!
I don't understand though - did they take the cash and not deliver you the gifts?
I thought it was all with third party suppliers anyway. All the registries just link to, say Amazon and JL