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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cash for wedding gift

57 replies

PoshPineapple · 05/09/2023 16:10

Ok, I know I'm going to get blasted but I've braced myself....

I've just been reading a post about what amount of cash to give for a wedding present (when cash has been specifically requested), and it's put me in mind to ask what other opinions are on this?

I think I'm stuck in the 70's, because for the past 15 years or so, when we've been fortunate enough to be invited to weddings, almost always the gift specifications are something along the lines of "we don't need any more toasters thank you, but some money towards a holiday would be great". Why do I dislike this so much! I just feel that a request for money for a holiday is...oh, I don't know really, but I guess I find it a bit vulgar. Oftentimes, the couple have been together a long time and I understand that they don't want their house filled with stuff they neither want nor need. I'm afraid I have never given cash for a wedding gift and will never do so (the exception being our DS and his wife - they didn't want financial help towards the wedding from either side, so we gifted them cash to put towards a deposit for their first house).

Otherwise, if cash is requested we buy gift vouchers (typically one4all or another multi-shop voucher), and if appropriate for the wedding venue, a voucher for afternoon tea there (this has always been really well received and often used on their first wedding anniversary).

If you were getting married and a guest ignored your request for cash and instead gave you a gift voucher, would you consider it rude?

* leaves the building and runs for cover *

OP posts:
ilovemydogmore · 05/09/2023 16:11

I think the if cash is requested we buy gift vouchers is particularly mean. They don't want vouchers, they WANT MONEY. Why give them a form of money that cannot be spent in the way they want.
If you don't want to give cash then just don't.

Strawberryboost · 05/09/2023 16:12

No I wouldn’t think it rude

although to be given anything by anyone with what I imagine is a cats bum expression - I would think is rather rude (yes yes, you keep it to yourself, you’re a wonderful guest etc etc )

Strawberryboost · 05/09/2023 16:14

I think I'm stuck in the 70's,

nope. Just judgey and a bit odd

Astella22 · 05/09/2023 16:14

Yes v.rude why waste money on something no one wants, it’s not like they will say it to ur face an afternoon tea voucher is shite. Ur ‘that’ guest

OneTwoThreeShake · 05/09/2023 16:15

I give cash regardless of gift lists or what I might like to buy, because its easier for me and its easier for the couple to manage. They can spend it on whatever they desire, makes no odds to me as I don't give gifts with conditions attached. Having to go and buy vouchers is more of a task than just taking cash out.

I find it strange that people are so offended by it.

Twee little poems to request cash, on the other hand, can get straight in the bin.

Crabsticksandham · 05/09/2023 16:15

Not rude just arsehole-like

Rather than give cash you give vouchers so you essentially telling them what it's OK to spend money on.

Why is £100 spent in John Lewis (on stuff they probably don't need) better than £100 spent on their honeymoon?

jallopeno · 05/09/2023 16:15

I think its fine if it's a voucher for like a meal out or something.

Personally I think all invites should be sent with no mention of gifts and then people will ask if they want to give something. No one is going to randomly rock up with a toaster

ISeeMisledPeople · 05/09/2023 16:15

A gift voucher is really just cash limitations, and a possibility that the recipient will not be able to use it if the company goes bust or closes.

I wouldn't think it was rude. Just less useful than cash, unless you are 100% sure that the 'multishops' included are ones that the recipients actually use.

Strawberryboost · 05/09/2023 16:16

i love contributing to a holiday! It’s generally a holiday that they won’t have again and it seems a great thing to contribute to

afternoon tea? I’d pass it on to one of my aunts

Mrsjayy · 05/09/2023 16:17

Every other week we have this buy them what you want honestly they have asked you to their wedding and don't want any household gifts which is fair enough but spend the money on vouchers if that's easier for you .

Chocolatelabradorsarethebest · 05/09/2023 16:20

I don’t think it’s rude at all. People 9 times out of 10 will have been living together before so don’t really need ‘things’.

I’ve been to weddings where people have asked for cash that then goes towards experiences on their honeymoon or where they are looking to buy a big purchase. Some friends even asked for Wickes vouchers and wedding guests ended up covering the cost of their new kitchen!

I go by the principle of giving people what they want and think it’s disrespectful to ignore that. If people ask for cash it’s for a reason so to then give a gift / vouchers is not on.

We asked for cash and put it toward some renovation work, every time we’re in the garden it reminds me of the day. The random presents we got given have since broken/never been used. Likewise the aunt who gave us a random voucher hasn’t really been used as it’s not for somewhere we’d shop, so it was just used on something really mundane.

Short answer, give people what they want!

Kam610 · 05/09/2023 16:21

We didn't request cash as such, but set up a trailfinders account which people could donate to for our honeymoon. I know some people don't like this idea, but we had been together for 10 years and had everything we needed. The money we got towards our honeymoon and the money we could afford to put in ourselves meant we were able to go on a once in a lifetime 3 week holiday which we would never be able to afford again. That was 5 years ago now and I still think about it often. It was the best gift we could ever have been given and we treasure those memories a lot more than if we were given material things that we didn't want or need.

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 05/09/2023 16:26

We asked for cash, most people gave us cash but those that didn't I didn't care, was grateful for anything, so I don't think you are being unreasonable.

FKATondelayo · 05/09/2023 16:28

Cash has been a perfectly acceptable wedding gift for about 3000 years. In Greece (the bedrock of civilisation) they pin money to the bride. It's certainly not in the past 15 years.

Why are One4all vouchers (famously difficult to redeem/use and 30% of all gift vouchers are never spent) or a branded consumer product superior to cash?

YABU.

YAalsoBU because this conversation has been done to death.

Strawberryboost · 05/09/2023 16:30

Let me guess Op

You would love a voucher for afternoon tea?

FKATondelayo · 05/09/2023 16:31

I didn't ask for any gifts on my wedding day (polishes halo) and got a lot of dreadful vases / ornaments which went straight to the chazza.

MrsHsGirl · 05/09/2023 16:32

I think the voucher to go back to the wedding venue is lovely. I'd have been delighted with something like that.

The multi shop vouchers are an absolute pain. The shops are obscure and you can't even spend them online most of the time.

If you are so set on not giving cash towards a holiday that they actually want then at least put some thought in and get a voucher for somewhere they actually shop (or even just Amazon would be better than the multi shop ones if you ask me!)

ShirleyPhallus · 05/09/2023 16:35

jallopeno · 05/09/2023 16:15

I think its fine if it's a voucher for like a meal out or something.

Personally I think all invites should be sent with no mention of gifts and then people will ask if they want to give something. No one is going to randomly rock up with a toaster

Maybe not but they will then up with an engraved photo frame or some tacky glasses that don’t match anything else in your house

Original poster
PoshPineapple · 05/09/2023 16:39

Strawberryboost · 05/09/2023 16:30

Let me guess Op

You would love a voucher for afternoon tea?

I absolutely would if it was for somewhere that would remain close to my heart, which I assume a wedding venue is!

OP posts:
BusySittingDown · 05/09/2023 16:40

You're a bugger for getting the One4all vouchers because have you ever tried spending them? They're an absolute bastard to spend! I remember receiving one for a birthday once and struggled to spend it online (would only accept in store) and then when I tried to spend it in store "oh we don't accept those anymore!"

JaneIntheBox · 05/09/2023 16:41

I don't mind a voucher. Easy to sell on if I don't like it for close to face value.
Unwanted tat/household items? No, unless they come with the receipt so I can return it.

I totally understand not wanting to give cash though, the dollar amount is clear. Whereas you can get discounts on vouchers etc what you paid isn't always the face value.

BusySittingDown · 05/09/2023 16:45

Btw I have no problems giving cash for a wedding and usually give cash anyway. I must admit that it does annoy me a little bit when people ask for stuff, or worse put a stupid poem in the invitation. I'm a grumpy old bitch though (although I'm nice as pie to their faces 😂).

bertagarden · 05/09/2023 16:46

I went to a wedding where the couple said presents weren’t expected but if the guests wanted to get them something then they’d love a copy of their favourite album. It was a great present to buy as a guest because we spent hours as a couple deciding what to get and the couple ended up with a great and varied selection of music.
They’re young, in good jobs but not loaded and when I asked brides mother she said no one liked the idea of asking for money. I think close family - aunts/uncles/grandparents - must’ve given cash but it wasn’t expected from the rest of us. I’ve been to a couple of second marriages of some very well off people where they’ve asked for cash and I think that’s just crass

thecatsthecats · 05/09/2023 16:46

My honeymoon was so wonderful I cried when I came home, but if you think you can find a toaster to evoke that emotion, you do you.

But for the ever love of holy fuck, DO NOT BUY ONE FOR ALL VOUCHERS. You might as well burn your money.

Unless you actually hate your friends so much that you'd like to give your money to a shonky, thieving set of bastards like that, then just buy the toaster if you're determined to be a twat. Because at least they have a toaster, rather than a cursed piece of plastic that is designed to torture them.

Strawberryboost · 05/09/2023 16:47

PoshPineapple · 05/09/2023 16:39

I absolutely would if it was for somewhere that would remain close to my heart, which I assume a wedding venue is!

Show quote history

And that’s lovely

but the bride and groom may differ. And they have been clear but you, in all your infinite wisdom, think you know better