AIBU to not know how on earth to help DD with her frizzy hair?

[sunseeker19]

I am at a loss how to help DD style her hair type which unfortunately she's inherited from me - straight (only low-level waves not curls), greasy at the roots, dry and frizzy through the lengths. It's really thick, and very tangly, which means it always looks "big" and unkept.
She'd love smooth hair that lies flat, which she can wear in a hair-down style, and I've found the only thing that works for me with this hair type is keratin straightening, but I don't feel comfortable with that chemical strength for her age.
Suggestions like curly girl / using conditioner only / no dry brushing would leave her hair totally greasy or tangly or both. Please help, suggestions massively welcome...!

One more thing, even if you get the waves or curls to come it may not sit well because it was cut wet and straight. So if you can afford it a visit to a curly hairdresser will short cut a lot of these issues.

You don't have to co wash, and you're better not to with wavy hair
I only brush mine when it's full of conditioner and I shampoo every time I wash it
Here is mine left to dry with no product or styling
And styled

Your hair is glorious

Hi OP

Her hair sounds like mine as a teenager! I hated it and, because it was like my dad’s which has remained frizzy / unruly (until he cut it very short) I assumed that was my hair for life. BUT in my late 20s it sort of sorted itself out, and I think that was only partly down to products. There’s hope!

In terms of what she might try:

• Matrix Biolage Smoothproof serum. It lasts for ages (over a year for me). After a shower I put my hair up into a towel turban for a few minutes so it’s not sopping wet, then put a little bit into my hands and run it through my hair using my fingers to untangle it. I do this with my hair flipped over my head so I’m bent double, if that makes sense.
• L’Oréal mythic oil. Use the same way as above.
• When using hair serums, don’t just smooth them on top of the hair or it will be greasy looking. Don’t do right to the roots either. Instead, use your fingers to lift the hair away from the scalp as you run the serum through it. As I say, I flip my hair over so that my scalp is facing the floor (if that makes sense!) so that I can then run the serum through without touching my scalp.
• On shampoos, I find the OGX coconut milk shampoo and conditioner a game changer. They do have SLS in them which the curly girl method hates, but I find it’s smoothing without making hair heavy or greasy.
• Try a leave in conditioner once a week. I’m currently actually using one of the John Frieda blonde recovery ones - it’s very conditioning because it’s for colour damaged hair. I also like the Aussie ones. Just leave in for five mins before washing off.
• When using conditioners, again, lift out from the scalp and run fingers through the hair so it gets to the strands and doesn’t just gel hair to the scalp. Don’t go above the ears (or not much above the ears).
• finally, one thing I found helped when I was a teen / in my early 20s was putting my hair into plaits or french plaits when it was wet and letting them dry (overnight usually) before brushing the hair out. Made nice waves rather than just frizz. Don’t do tight plaits or it can damage the hair.

I hope that helps. As I say, I’ve been there. Good luck.

I really like the Biolage serum. If you’re going to try one thing, try that.

I have done Curly Girl but I don't currently have time for the faff, so I leave mine to dry naturally then use a big, fat curling wand around the canopy, run fingers through, job done. Superdrug do a good leave in - Imbue I think? Blue with a yellow lid.

You can't really straighten curly hair and completely avoid frizz without a lot of faff, and when your neck gets hot the underneath curls anyway.

@ShadyPaws your hair is AMAZING.

can you talk me through, as if I’m an idiot, what you do to make your hair look like that?

Is she/you brushing it? If so, that’s the problem. I have one where if you brush their hair it looks like they electrocuted themselves. Problem was solved when they were young as just took them for no. 1/2 cuts. Then, when older they wanted to grow hair long. Was terrible. Then someone said problem would be solved if I took them to an Afro hairdresser. They don’t have an Afro, it was just when brushed and looked after ‘normally’ it turned into one, then died down into a frizzy mess. Worked a treat. Main thing is no brushing, finger brush only if an actual knot. Wash no more than once a week and then with specialised product they sell - a shampoo and leave in conditioner. A good brush immediately before hair washing only. Sleep on silk pillowcase and if needs to be tied up, use the easy glide twist ties or silk scrunchie.

Forgot, to cut apparently dry cutting is best in this type of hair also when it comes time for trim/new style.

Sure, it's different for everyone but I follow a lot of stuff from here

https://curlmaven.ie

I shampoo and condition my hair upside down, then use a paddle brush while the conditioner is in to detangle and squish the conditioner in a bit, then rinse it all out
I squeeze out the water so it's not dripping (still upside down) and then rake through mousse or a foam and squish it all, flipping my head from side to side, then do the same with a gel before I diffuse it

It's really trial and error, but basically for me it's using a gel and making sure to rake so my roots aren't stuck to my head and I get more volume

How old is she ?

I have keratin treatments every 3 months and my hair is so much easier to manage. I can actually brush my hair!
I loved having curly hair but it's such a lot of up keep!

Similar type of hair here, I’m eagerly awaiting the Dyson Airstrait and hoping it’s the answer to my prayers. Already released in USA so reviews on YouTube and I think it’ll work great for my hair.

Another vote for Cantu. They’ve transformed my dry, frizzy hair so much that the hairdresser complimented me rather than looking at my hair in horror.

Only wash it twice a week or so. Use a gentle sls-free shampoo and shampoo once only, concentrating on the roots/scalp. Rinse well with warm but not hot water, then use plenty of Cantu Shea butter sulfate-free hydrating cream conditioner. Carefully separate it through with your fingers while the conditioner is on, then rinse. Squeeze the excess water out but don’t rub. Then put the hair into it’s rough style gently with a comb or fingers to lift the hair into place but don’t comb it through then leave the hair to dry naturally as it falls in waves or curls.

If it’s super-frizzy, you can also use a little of the Cantu Care for Kids Curling cream (use on the ends and avoid close to scalp). There’s also a Cantu hair mask in a tub for a super-conditioning treatment every so often instead of the conditioner.

Don’t brush her hair. It will just make the frizz worse. I comb mine minimally, eg to redo the parting. My hair was genuinely awful and now it’s normal again with lovely waves and curls and no frizz. I prefer the Cantu products to the Frizz Ease which I used to use before perimenopause sent my hair mad.

I've got oily roots / frizzy ends. Aveda Be Curly is the only styling product that works. I continually try other cheaper products but I always come back to it.

Cantu curl cream scrunched into soaking wet hair after washing (preferably in cold water if she can stand it) then wrapped in an old cotton tshirt then diffused. Scrunch out the crunch then you're done. I don't bother with expensive shampoos and conditioners, I'm sure it would look better if I did but I'm poor 😅

Have a look at soaps for little suds, I have 2 curly boys and jennys products changed their hair game! There is a facebook page too where the lovely members/jenny will advise on what products to use. I used think shine shampoo bar and avocado liquid conditioner with either the gel or serum after to style my toddlers curls, then mixed a bit of the conditioner in a spray bottle to refresh his hair in a morning. My older teen is less compliant, but I found an amazing detangling shower wet brush on sale in boots, he now washes and conditions his hair, then brushes the conditioner through with the brush to detangle before rinsing.

@Nsws2015 !! Such gorgeous hair!

Really good quality conditioner, after shampooing leave it in for 30 mins once a week.
This keeps my thick, coarse wavy hair nice and smooth

@SirWalterElliot if you’re in London, would love a recommendation for the hairdresser!

actually if anyone knows a good curly hairdresser in preferably east London, please do share!

Wow!!!

Not in London, sorry, but I'm sure you'll be able to find someone good!

I had hair like this my entire life. Followed curly girl (for a month) and it turned out I had spiral curls that had been damaged due to the way I’d been taught to brush / comb my hair. As you also have a similar hairtype it’s best to get someone in to teach you both how to style your hair.

Use a silk sleeping cap every night. Cannot recommend them enough for eliminating bed head in the morning.

I have curly/wavy hair (type 3A) and I have tried everything. I was the one with huge, frizzy hair at school because nobody told me not to dry brush it and straighteners were either shite or £££ in 2003. My mum even caught me ironing my own hair - with the clothes iron! 😖

I gave up trying to "embrace the curls" and I now wash my hair once or twice a week, cleaning it thoroughly with a silicone scalp scrubber, then I dry and straighten it. I only straighten it on wash days so it's not noticeably heat-damaged and my hair stays smooth until the next wash.

I sleep with it up in a satin scrunchie and I use dry shampoo between wash days. My top dry shampoo tip is to apply it at night before you go to bed; I have done it for years and my hair always looks so much cleaner and nicer than when I use it in the morning.

No help because I go through times my hair works, and times it doesn’t- the only thing is do maybe try for her to embrace it’s it is, as opposed to try to fight it into submission, because it will end up going from think to sparse (for want of a better word), and easily broken.) Also remember that products put in to keep the lengths moisturised, in good condition and well kept don’t necessarily have to go on the roots too (this was always my downfall!) Best of luck op