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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Accessible bathrooms - radar key related

38 replies

MrsXx4 · 05/09/2023 09:42

Probably not an AIBU but posting here because genuinely unsure.

I have a 3 month old baby with needs that means he was given a radar key shortly after birth. I’ve never used the key and always used normal baby change facilities.

However, yesterday he needed the use of a changing facility quite desperately so we stopped at some services and there was a queue for the baby change so I used his Radar key to access a different facility and went straight in to sort him out. When I was finished and opened the door a man holding his baby grabbed the door from me as I had the car seat and back pack etc and thought he was just assisting me out the room but he then commented ‘oh wow this is a big baby change!’ And then stepped inside to use for his baby. I said ‘oh it’s not actually a baby change, you need a radar key to use this bathroom which my son has because of his disability’ he looked me up and down for a moment and I said ‘it’s up to you if you go in there but you probably shouldn’t and should maybe wait for the baby change.’ And then I left but as I walked away I did see him close the door and he didn’t go inside.

I don’t know why but I felt a bit bad, like I shouldn’t have said anything to him but also there’s a part of me that thinks he shouldn’t use it because then the next person to come along could have also grabbed the door and prevented it from locking again and therefore the facilities get abused and won’t be available when someone really needs to use them.

I guess I’m just wondering in future if this happens do I have a right (maybe not the correct word) to stop people using them if they don’t have a radar key?

OP posts:
Strawberryboost · 05/09/2023 09:49

He didn’t stop you

he reasonably enquired

no drama

move on

Strawberryboost · 05/09/2023 09:50

who gave you the key?

my friend got one off Amazon for £3.99 Inc delivery!

Strawberryboost · 05/09/2023 09:50

**do I have a right (maybe not the correct word) to stop people using them if they don’t have a radar key?
**

why on earth would you want to do this Op. just butt out and focus on you and your baby

Original poster
MrsXx4 · 05/09/2023 09:53

I’ve not said there was any drama. I just wondered if in future you’d say something or just allow people to use the bathroom? He also didn’t stop me (I didn’t say that he did).

My baby was given the key by his nurses shortly after birth. Very new to this as well so that’s why I’m asking what is expected?

OP posts:
Darthwazette · 05/09/2023 09:54

Some disabled loos seem to double up as the baby changing room (which I disagree with but that’s a whole other argument!) but if it requires a radar key and locks behind you as you leave then I wouldn’t let people in.

You (and I!) have access to these facilities for a reason. For a lot of people that reason is urgent. They can’t be waiting for someone to change a nappy when there are good facilities elsewhere.

Strawberryboost · 05/09/2023 09:56

I wouldn’t say a thing

Original poster
MrsXx4 · 05/09/2023 09:57

Yes @Darthwazette this was a radar key bathroom which locks once you’ve used it making sure it’s free and accessible when needed by other radar key holders. The baby change facilities were the next door down but had a long queue when I arrived. Once I’d sorted my baby (took a little while) there was only this one man waiting outside the baby change.

OP posts:
dancebob1980 · 05/09/2023 09:57

I think what you did was fine. You gave him the information. Not on you to enforce correct use of the room, but he was essentially "tailgating" into a room he wouldn't otherwise have had access to.

I have loved ones with disabilities. When they need the toilet, they REALLY do. It's polite to leave radar locked toilets for such people where possible. If the man with the baby had come out to find someone with a radar key waiting, he might have felt bad, so you did him a favour to some extent.

Strawberryboost · 05/09/2023 09:57

I wouldn’t ask
If I discovered for some reason they didn’t have one, I wouldn’t judge and I sure as heck wouldn’t ask

Mosaic123 · 05/09/2023 09:59

You did the right thing and so did the man.

I bought a Radar key from Amazon for taking my elderly and disabled parent out. They passed away and I don't have the key anymore.

x2boys · 05/09/2023 10:00

Well.he shouldn't have used it but I wouldn't be getting in an argument with a stranger and trying to.stip.anybody from using the.toilet. and I say this as the mother of a disabled 13 year old.

Original poster
MrsXx4 · 05/09/2023 10:00

I didn’t ask him. I just said that it wasn’t technically a baby change when he exclaimed what a big room it was. I said it was an accessible space which required a radar key. I didn’t then ask if he had one?!

OP posts:
DaisyDreaming · 05/09/2023 10:00

You phrased it well. Lots of people on here think all parents should buy radar keys for non disabled kids! You weren’t rude and just explained

Strawberryboost · 05/09/2023 10:01

MrsXx4 · 05/09/2023 10:00

I didn’t ask him. I just said that it wasn’t technically a baby change when he exclaimed what a big room it was. I said it was an accessible space which required a radar key. I didn’t then ask if he had one?!

Yes but your AIBU is about preventing access to this that don’t have keys, which presumably requires finding out whether they have one or not!

comedownwithme · 05/09/2023 10:04

I wouldn't have said anything because I don't take risks when out and about getting into altercations with strangers.

Disabled toilet use is one of those things where I say nothing, as with BB parking because I can't control it and o have enough going on without policing other people.

What you will find as you use these facilities more and more if that the people who use them when they shouldn't are not the kind of approachable people who will take on board what you say to them, hence better not taking the risk.

I think the situation was different as the man didn't know it was an accessible speaker though.

Original poster
MrsXx4 · 05/09/2023 10:04

@x2boys no I didn’t stop him from using it nor did I argue with him. That’s not what the post is about. There was no drama and no issues I was just wondering if in future in these situations are you expected to keep the room free or just hold the door open and let people do as they please.

I only mentioned that he looked me up and down for a moment to explain why I carried on speaking. He didn’t actually say anything but I felt the need to keep talking as it was an awkward moment of silence. He may have been trying to see why my baby would require a key but you’d never tell when he has his baby grow on anyway.

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 05/09/2023 10:05

It sounds to me like he probably just saw a struggling mum and held the door open and probably didn't even see the accessible sign on the door and assumed it was just another baby change.
You explained, he understood therefore there was no issue.

I think if you purposefully challenged people then they are more likely to kick off and you'll always have your son with you so that would be a bad idea.

Original poster
MrsXx4 · 05/09/2023 10:06

@Strawberryboost no i wouldn't ask anyone if they have a key. To be honest i wouldn’t have even said anything if someone just held the door and then went inside, it was only because he talked to me about the big room. That’s all.

OP posts:
Strawberryboost · 05/09/2023 10:06

That’s not what the post is about.

indeed. Your post is whether you “have the right to stop” people using these toilets unless that have a radar key. Which will, as I’m sure you can appreciate, likely result in “drama”

anyone can buy radar keys off Amazon

Strawberryboost · 05/09/2023 10:07

MrsXx4 · 05/09/2023 10:06

@Strawberryboost no i wouldn't ask anyone if they have a key. To be honest i wouldn’t have even said anything if someone just held the door and then went inside, it was only because he talked to me about the big room. That’s all.

Ok so you’re AIBU is about whether you have a right to stop people using the toilet.

so you’re just talking hypothetically and not something you’d ever do?

Original poster
MrsXx4 · 05/09/2023 10:08

I just wanted to gauge what the ‘rules’ are if any. Like I say, never done this before and even I felt a bit cheeky using the key and jumping the queue as it were. But it was a situation where I really needed to get my son sorted and in the three months so far I’ve never had a situation like yesterday.

OP posts:
Hufflepods · 05/09/2023 10:08

I honestly don't get the drama... he didn't use it?

comedownwithme · 05/09/2023 10:09

Hufflepods · 05/09/2023 10:08

I honestly don't get the drama... he didn't use it?

Oh haha I missed that part!!

What's the thread about then? A man thought it was a baby he he and OP said it's not so he left!

comedownwithme · 05/09/2023 10:11

MrsXx4 · 05/09/2023 10:08

I just wanted to gauge what the ‘rules’ are if any. Like I say, never done this before and even I felt a bit cheeky using the key and jumping the queue as it were. But it was a situation where I really needed to get my son sorted and in the three months so far I’ve never had a situation like yesterday.

Rules for what?

You do you and stay out of what other people are doing. You have a disabled child so get over the 'skipping the queue' nonsense in you head and juts use the space provided for your child. It's not that big a deal.

Original poster
MrsXx4 · 05/09/2023 10:11

Ok thanks all. Got it.

OP posts: