Accessible bathrooms - radar key related

[MrsXx4]

Probably not an AIBU but posting here because genuinely unsure.

I have a 3 month old baby with needs that means he was given a radar key shortly after birth. I’ve never used the key and always used normal baby change facilities.

However, yesterday he needed the use of a changing facility quite desperately so we stopped at some services and there was a queue for the baby change so I used his Radar key to access a different facility and went straight in to sort him out. When I was finished and opened the door a man holding his baby grabbed the door from me as I had the car seat and back pack etc and thought he was just assisting me out the room but he then commented ‘oh wow this is a big baby change!’ And then stepped inside to use for his baby. I said ‘oh it’s not actually a baby change, you need a radar key to use this bathroom which my son has because of his disability’ he looked me up and down for a moment and I said ‘it’s up to you if you go in there but you probably shouldn’t and should maybe wait for the baby change.’ And then I left but as I walked away I did see him close the door and he didn’t go inside.

I don’t know why but I felt a bit bad, like I shouldn’t have said anything to him but also there’s a part of me that thinks he shouldn’t use it because then the next person to come along could have also grabbed the door and prevented it from locking again and therefore the facilities get abused and won’t be available when someone really needs to use them.

I guess I’m just wondering in future if this happens do I have a right (maybe not the correct word) to stop people using them if they don’t have a radar key?

A good “rule” is basically butt out of any toilet related activity!

Besides your own and and your children’s!

Sadly as time goes on you will discover that many people think that the disabled toilet is a free for all and they can use if just because. They don’t appreciate the difficulties that can pose for those who are disabled.

obviously nobody can ever know any individuals needs so shouldn’t judge any individual but on a societal level there is a great lack of respect for disabled facilties- and disabled people on the whole - sadly.

OP I think you did the right thing. You mentioned appropriately that the room wasn’t intended to be general baby changing and the man probably learned something he hadn’t thought about before regarding accessible toilets. In this situation, you had the opportunity to mention it in an easy way because he mentioned it was an unusual “baby change”.

it’s a tricky question regarding what you’d do in future if the opportunity didn’t present itself in that way. I understand your point that constant tailgating would mean the room might be dirtier etc and would also mean it’s left unlocked (unless they lock automatically?) which might leave it open for abuse. However, I would say it’s not your responsibility to worry about the toilets especially if you think it might be an awkward interaction. It’s a difficult situation though, I understand why you’ve asked the question.

on a related note, years and years ago there used to be a section on here called “what would you do?” which was far nicer and more helpful than AIBU. I don’t think it’s used any more if it’s even still there but it would be the perfect place for these kind of questions. No accusations of drama or rude responses from posters.

You have a baby with a medical condition you used the toilet key it's fine the man clearly thought his luck was in to use an accessible bathroom though cheeky bugger.

All you did was point out it wasn't a regular baby change room that's OK.

@CompaniesHouse thank you. Yes that would be a handy section to still have! I’m always wondering what to do in certain situations lol!

Not everyone who is disabled has a radar key btw…

People buy them off ebay or amazon its ridiculous !

@Elphamouche to clarify, I’d never be asking anyone if they have a key. Like I said, I felt a bit guilty for saying anything anyway and wanted to gauge what others would do in a situation where people may just walk into an accessible bathroom. Consensus is that you mind your business. I know now.

Use the key for your son, and stay out of everything else. You're not disabled, you can't speak for them.

Accessible bathrooms are for disabled people first, you can use them yourself if there's no one else in the queue. The issue is when disabled people want to use the bathroom but able people are queued up to use it.

Advocate for your son, and leave the rest

That is what I shall be doing.

Consensus is that you mind your business. I know now

it is a pretty good approach to most things in life Op