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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner leaving me at day festival

54 replies

Littlelcosmicgirl · 05/09/2023 01:06

Just want to get some other people's views on this .

Past 2 years me and a mutual friend of me and my DP have been to a day soul music festival. This year I brought DP a ticket for his birthday present and he joined me and our friend..

Me and DP have been together 5 years almost. I was in an abusive relationship previously and my ex was a drinker. I drink myself no issue if someone likes a drinks as long as they behave and I don't feel threatened. What I don't like in pubs clubs and so on is being trapped on a packed dance floor where I can't get out easily should I wish To. I love live music like to enjoy it dance with others but I don't like that being shoved and barged around might get knocked over can't get out or move feeling. DP knows this.

On Tuesday I reminded him and Said the three of us need to stay together as its easy to get separated and all was fine. Mentioned it again on the morning all good.

Fast forward to the event.. we are walking into the DJ tent and I found a spot to enjoy the music soak up the atmosphere chat and dance. Probably 5 or 6 feet back from where the crowds began to thicken if you like.

Partner and friend continued to walk ahead' stopped looked back to me , I shook my head to gesture no I am.going no further. They said something to each other then walked into the crowd out of sight and stayed there for hours. I was left totally on my own..to the point strangers were asking later if I was OK and had I come by myself as I was drinking my drinks and dancing and standing there alone. And to be honest feeling quite sad.

I didn't mention it on the night. Didn't make a scene.. but raised it yesterday with DP.

Only to be told its their day too, it was clearly me who went off by myself as there's two of them one of me and they formed a majority
If he sees a crowd he wants to be in the thick of it and next year he will find other people to go with . I said that's fine but he should have Said this when I mentioned it and I wouldn't have come. He denies me raising it. I did. I know I did. I had PTSD a couple of years ago after witnessing something very nasty involving an assault which resulted in a fatality in my line of work. Maybe that's clouding this

I just feel very let down and hurt being honest and was really shitty to do that to me..

OP posts:
CantGetDecentNickname · 05/09/2023 13:49

THisbackwithavengeance · 05/09/2023 10:00

My DH and I went to a local outdoor concert this summer.

I loved the group and would've liked to have been at the front dancing but my DH is disabled and cannot. So we both watched the group from the sides in the disabled bit.

Not really what I would've preferred but hey ho; I'm not going to leave my DH alone particularly as his mobility isn't great at the moment. We arrived together and we stayed together. That's what you do when you're a couple unless it's with mutual agreement that you do your own thing.

Your DP is an inconsiderate person. That's fair enough if he's an OK-for-now type of guy or otherwise suits your lifestyle at the moment but I wouldn't marry or have DCs with someone that selfish.

The above message sums it up nicely. Your DP doesn't recognise your condition, or can't/won't empathize, or just doesn't care as it's inconvenient to him. You know you had the conversation beforehand and he is gaslighting you by pretending he didn't.

Book to go by yourself and with others who will stay with you next time. Don't bother to mention it to him and definitely don't get him a ticket. He can sort himself out. Any other event you go to where he pulls this stunt, just leave. He is very selfish.

PinkRoses1245 · 05/09/2023 13:53

they Should have popped back to see you. But honestly I’m not sure why you’d go to a festival if you don’t like crowds.

RockGirl · 05/09/2023 14:48

I was ambivalent about your situation when I read your first post. It's easy to get carried away with the excitement of an event and forget what has been discussed.

However, after reading your update where he left you and went to get food, I am now firmly of the opinion that he is selfish, he will always put himself first, and your only options are you accept this and put up with it, or you leave.

Oh and don't have children with this selfish man, or you'll be back here in a few years telling us how he leaves you to do all the 'woman work'. Don't say you have not been warned, it's in your hands now.

Anotherparkingthread · 05/09/2023 16:17

I think plans often change when you get to an event, even if you don't intend to go in the crowd you have a few drinks and it happens time flies and its the end of the gig.

I'd want to be in the thick of it to, he's a grown man who can do what he likes and you do not need a baby sitter. If you do then you need to bring somebody to these events that also hates crowds or is there explicitly to sit with you. He is right it is his event too, if somebody tried to ruin my birthday gig I'd be properly fucked off.

The ptsd is a red herring here, he didn't ask you to go in to a crowd or do anything that made you uncomfortable. He let you stop where you were happy. Perhaps in future you should stay at home as it doesn't sound like you enjoy this type of thing at all.

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