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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to participate in friends social media photoshoots

65 replies

Sundaycoffee · 04/09/2023 21:22

I'm going on holiday with a good friend of mine in a months time.
The only thing that drives me mad about her is her need to document every part of her life for social media.
She's one of those people that will post a video on her story of her coffee being poured in the morning.
I have told her that while we are on holiday I just want to relax and not spend half our time doing "photoshoots" and she told me she will bring a tripod with her instead so she can take her own pics- which is fine.
The only thing that does bother me is having to wait to take a bite of my dinner as she needs to set up the table to take a photo first, if we order a cocktail it's photographed, everytime we are together and buy an icecream we have to hold our hands up together so she can photograph our hands holding an icecream. AIBU to just say "no" to all this stuff too? Sorry you can take a photo of our food but I'm going to eat my meal when it comes.
Part of me thinks: if it makes her happy and takes an additional 30 seconds should I just be going along with it all?
I love her but all this drives me bloody insane!

OP posts:
Footinturf · 04/09/2023 21:24

I absolutely agree with you, this craic drives me crazy as well. I hate not being allowed to eat my food until a photo has been taken from multiple angles!

Anoisagusaris · 04/09/2023 21:24

Not a bloody chance would I be entertaining that self-obsessed nonsense.

Malapataraso · 04/09/2023 21:26

Why would you travel with someone you are incompatible with? Is she your only friend in the world? Why would you do this to yourself, good grief. Now she’s going to lug around and set up a tripod everywhere you go? You knew what you were getting into, so it’s quite unreasonable to be complaining about it now. You’re going to have to deal with her constant photo shoots and learn the lesson that this is not the travel companion for you.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 04/09/2023 21:29

Nope, not entertaining that. I like taking pictures of things but no way would I expect to inconvenience other people over it or get in the way of things. She can bugger off.

Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 04/09/2023 21:31

Malapataraso · 04/09/2023 21:26

Why would you travel with someone you are incompatible with? Is she your only friend in the world? Why would you do this to yourself, good grief. Now she’s going to lug around and set up a tripod everywhere you go? You knew what you were getting into, so it’s quite unreasonable to be complaining about it now. You’re going to have to deal with her constant photo shoots and learn the lesson that this is not the travel companion for you.

Not my only friend in the world, but at the moment the only one of them who has the means to go on holiday

OP posts:
WorseDecision · 04/09/2023 21:32

I wouldn't be involved in that self obsessed rubbish. I'd tell her to take a photo of her own food while you sit and eat yours.

Is she one of those influencers or does she have a real job?

Malapataraso · 04/09/2023 21:39

Maybe just learn the lesson this ain’t your traveling companion, but for this trip lean wayyyyyy into these stupid photos and participate. Don’t fight it. Pretend you’re insufferable and self-absorbed and you love it. Let her stupid photos be your vacation photos, so put your own face in there. Pretend she is a photographer you hired to document your trip and make it something for you, too. Then never go on vacation with her again.

TheClitterati · 04/09/2023 21:42

It would drive me nuts.

I go out dancing at various events in our town. Every fucker makes a video of people partying to put on socials.

I feel bad for young people - they can't just go out and have a good time, let their hair down without someone filming them. It's ridiculous.

As for your holiday, no no no!

catsnhats11 · 04/09/2023 21:44

When people do this I always think they care more about what other people think of our time spent together than what I do. In other words your company is not her priority, she wants to impress other people not you, if that makes sense.

Moveoverdarlin · 04/09/2023 21:46

That would drive me fucking insane.

AtrociousCircumstance · 04/09/2023 21:49

It’s excessively controlling narcissistic bollocks. Be kind but firm with her beforehand: friend, I love you, and you do you, but I am not going to wait to eat or contribute to any photos or engage in any insta-friendly poncing.

Then carry on like a person who wants to enjoy their life rather than someone scrubbing around desperately for approval every minute of the day.

Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 04/09/2023 22:09

When I mentioned I didn't want to participate she said. "Holidays are about photos for me". Not really sure what that means! Is it not about chilling out, reading books and eating and drinking your own body weight? Its not the photos that bother meso much, it's how they are all perfectly curated for social media. It's not a memory if you're curating something totally different to what's there for other people's approval! We are doing an all inclusive pool holiday, so I'm hoping photo opps will be limited by that seeing as the scenery wont really change much? Just let me be ugly and sweaty by the pool in peace please!
I'm definitely going to slap the buffet food onto my plate in a really unappealing manner!

OP posts:
Blobblobblob · 04/09/2023 22:13

Just say no. No need to be rude or harsh about it, but calm and clear about the fact that you've paid for a holiday and you're not pratting around ruining it for yourself. She can do her thing without involving you!

theleafandnotthetree · 04/09/2023 22:22

I wouldn't last a meal of that nonsense let alone a whole holiday. You have got to shut that shit down NOW. I would be tempted to sit at a separate table! But to be honest I can't imagine being friends with someone that narcissistic and ridiculous or who thinks the point of holidays is photos, we would just have nothing in common.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/09/2023 22:58

If your friend also does things that she might not like as much , to compromise, because she loves you (eg do you want to stay out later so you can meet guys but she's couples up? Do you want to try a boat trip that she's not sure about but will go to keep you company? Will she sit in a seafood restaurant with you one day even though she's a vegetarian just so you could try their famous crab?) then I think you should indulge her (she knows you don't like it so she shouldn't do it as much as she wants to)

If she's generally selfish then just say nope I don't do that! Photograph your own food! Or you get 5 pics max this trip of my food choose wisely!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/09/2023 23:00

Sundaycoffee · 04/09/2023 22:09

When I mentioned I didn't want to participate she said. "Holidays are about photos for me". Not really sure what that means! Is it not about chilling out, reading books and eating and drinking your own body weight? Its not the photos that bother meso much, it's how they are all perfectly curated for social media. It's not a memory if you're curating something totally different to what's there for other people's approval! We are doing an all inclusive pool holiday, so I'm hoping photo opps will be limited by that seeing as the scenery wont really change much? Just let me be ugly and sweaty by the pool in peace please!
I'm definitely going to slap the buffet food onto my plate in a really unappealing manner!

I think the Instagram is just something she enjoys. Some people enjoy getting a tan others don't, some going sight seeing but others don't. No need for anyone to be snobby about it as long as it doesn't impact ops holiday too much and the friend is compromising and kind in return

EasternStandard · 04/09/2023 23:02

Yanbu I wouldn’t do iI

WimpoleHat · 04/09/2023 23:04

I’d be asking - quite genuinely - “Sarah - exactly who do you think is interested in seeing what you’ve had for dinner….?” Bizarre, self obsessed behaviour.

RadioFoot · 05/09/2023 07:50

I think you're actually being unkind. She is not harming anyone. Don't wind yourself up about it. It doesn't always come from a place of narcissism. Leave the poor woman be.

Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 05/09/2023 07:52

WimpoleHat · 04/09/2023 23:04

I’d be asking - quite genuinely - “Sarah - exactly who do you think is interested in seeing what you’ve had for dinner….?” Bizarre, self obsessed behaviour.

I do honestly think she would say that she does it for herself as she enjoys documenting it and making it look "aesthetic" and pretty in an artistic way. I guess a bit of a hobby. I just hate how contrived it all is. When we go on a day out she will ask me to take photos of her and flick from pose to pose. I just feel awkward and silly being told. "Point your toe as it makes your legs look longer" "flick your hair to the side and look to the left" 🙄

OP posts:
SilverGlitterBaubles · 05/09/2023 08:01

I have the same problem with teen DD, every day was a photoshoot and heaven forbid I should try to take a normal unposed photo for any reason. It gets pretty painful TBH especially the search for the perfect shot, the level of perfectionism is just so draining. I would draw the line at a grown woman behaving like this unless it was their actual job or source of income.

Natty13 · 05/09/2023 08:40

I have a friend like this. We both compromise and it works well. I tolerate a lot of posing and food photographing and when I say "that's enough" or "let's just enjoy being in the moment today without phones out all the time" she accepts that. Sometimes, very rarely, the food is worth a pic or my hair looks nice and I want a photo too.

Maybe put up with it for the first day/night to let her get some of it out of her system and tell her during that time "Sarah I'm not going to be spending the whole holiday doing this you know so make the most of it!" Say it with good humour and a smile and she isnt likely to get defensive. People often dont realize they are doing this.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 05/09/2023 09:04

Why do people want to document every aspect of their lives on social media? It seems like a confidence thing to me.

PetiteNasturtium · 05/09/2023 09:05

I would not change my behaviour for her, she can photograph just her own plate and then have a cold dinner. I would have gone on holiday by myself rather than put up with that.