To not want to participate in friends social media photoshoots

[Sundaycoffee]

I'm going on holiday with a good friend of mine in a months time.
The only thing that drives me mad about her is her need to document every part of her life for social media.
She's one of those people that will post a video on her story of her coffee being poured in the morning.
I have told her that while we are on holiday I just want to relax and not spend half our time doing "photoshoots" and she told me she will bring a tripod with her instead so she can take her own pics- which is fine.
The only thing that does bother me is having to wait to take a bite of my dinner as she needs to set up the table to take a photo first, if we order a cocktail it's photographed, everytime we are together and buy an icecream we have to hold our hands up together so she can photograph our hands holding an icecream. AIBU to just say "no" to all this stuff too? Sorry you can take a photo of our food but I'm going to eat my meal when it comes.
Part of me thinks: if it makes her happy and takes an additional 30 seconds should I just be going along with it all?
I love her but all this drives me bloody insane!

If she tried to photograph me I’d make sure I was rolling my eyes in every shot. And I wouldn’t wait for her to take a photo before tucking into my own food. Doubt I’d be able to stop her doing what she does, so I’d just ignore it and not participate in any way.

Or take me on holiday instead - I don’t have a mobile phone and have never taken a single selfie in my life. I get irritated when friends’ phones make alert sounds, and even if they don’t pick it up I can see their attention wander and their eyes flick towards their phone. I find mobile phones horribly rude all round, tbh.

It sounds annoying but going against the grain if it genuinely is only taking 30 seconds then I probably would just put up with it, yes. If it takes longer than that and/or she's rude about it then I wouldn't.

I was in Croatia a few years ago and it struck me how many people were photographing stuff without actually understanding what they were seeing. What's the point of travelling to far off places and taking pretty pictures if you've absorbed none of the culture? I don't understand. I travel "for the aesthetic" but also to learn something about the place. These places are not theme parks or photography studios, they are living breathing spaces that are a culmination of 1000s of years of history... even the food in a local taverna has a cultural or historical story. It's not just for likes, it's meant to broaden your horizons.

I love history and personally I agree, but surely it's down to the individual what they want to get out of travelling, and there isn't one thing they "should" be doing? Many are totally uninterested in history and just go for the weather...

I think your friend is getting a lot of judgment. Amateur photography is fun and creative, of course she’d be excited to get new visuals and backgrounds in a new place. It doesn’t necessarily mean she’s a terrible narcissist living for validation.

I would just have some boundaries about it and speak up when necessary.

This would drive me insane too. Is it her full time job? Are you getting a percentage of the profits? If no then Yanbu to be truthful with her and say no.
She's not living in the moment if she's constantly stopping to document things.

Argh...I have a friend like this, to the point that I sometimes feel like an unpaid Extra in the story of her life.

I think you're going to have to set some boundaries here otherwise you're going to feel resentful on holiday. She can do whatever she likes in her time but you're not going to delay starting your meal or be a hand model or slow down what you're doing while she's making a mini movie.

Unless of course she's a massive social media influencer and she's going to give you a slice of the profits. 😜

Unless it's her job such as Stacey Solomon where photographing everything for social media garners sponsorship and adverting revenue than no you don't have to indulge, support or go along with this stupidity.

Taking photos on holiday isn’t a new thing. Before social media we had water resistant instant cameras etc. it’s about storing the memories (although I’ll be honest and say in this case it’s also about showing the trip on insta or whatever).

assuming you otherwise enjoy her company - there’s not that much harm in it really.

also if you’re at an AI - you may fine that circumstances make it trickier for her to do it (getting a tripod out at a buffet isn’t easy, and you may start chatting with other groups that make her getting the kit out a bit less appealing).

I would simply tell her it’s your holiday as well and you don’t like being photographed etc. if she wants to take pictures of her and her food it’s up to her, but you won’t be stopped from eating, or indeed doing anything you want to do in order for her to take some photos

and mean it, if she asks you to wait it’s sorry I am to hungry, or while you take some photos I am going to look at xyz etc

I find it really sad that your friend would rather take pictures of the food / drinks / table settings/ whatever and share them on SM for online “friends” rather than actually sit down with their real life friend and chat and enjoy the food / drinks/ tables settings/ whatever.

Wtf would anyone post a photo of food or a drink? Its the same bloody food everyone eats (assuming Heston isn't your private chef) and a cocktail is a cocktail - you can get one anywhere (even at home 😉) . I'm so glad I don't have any social media.

I really hate the fact that today everyone's photos look the same

People (women) all stand the same way. All have the same pouty expression.
All have the same eyebrows/makeup/fillers/botox
There is absolutely no individuality or personality in the photo.

And definitely no spontaneity or capturing a real moment as it's all staged

And what happens to these photos? Posting to SM is a fleeting moment so then all just stored in a cloud somewhere - which is using up finite resources!

I could not go away with someone who spent their holiday doing that

I went away with a friend like this and it was tiresome. We were in a cold country and every time she wanted a pic taken of herself she'd first have to take off her coat, gloves, scarf, etc so she could show off her outfit. I like taking photos too, for the memories, but usually just a quick snap.

Maybe you can compromise? For example, she can take pics of dinner but not of every cocktail. You can take a few pics together but tell her when you've reached your limit for the day.

People saying it's amateur photography or people have always taken holiday snaps are missing the point (purposefully?).

I'm wondering if they're truly that obtuse.

Amateur photography has never focused on selfies/group photos with themselves, and food/drink they're eating pretty much exclusively.
Likewise holiday snaps did not.

This is narcissism and a quest for validation, admiration, approval, status, sometimes one upmanship etc.

My sister does this.

I realised how sad it was when I selected part of her birthday present based on how impactful it would be in photos, and therefore would please her. Compounded by her saying that she wasn't doing one big thing/event for her birthday and was doing lots of little things so she was "saving up" all the photos from.all of them in order to collate them and put them on SM in one batch so that it would "look like something/look good".

On a related subject, people who publicly "grieve" all over social media don't seem to think for one second a out the lack of consent and the gut punch it is for other relatives every time they suddenly, unintentionally see photos of their late loved one plastered on SM. My choice is to block her SM or try to avoid her SM at anniversary times (which doesn't even work when she randomly changes her profile photo to photos with my late parent and leaves it that way for months/years).

Tell her you aren't waiting to eat and will be enjoying your holiday on your own terms. She sounds dreadful.

Photos or it didn't happen

@GilbertMarkham Exactly,yes people have always taken photos but people were usually a bit selective of what they took, not multiple photos of their food, for every single meal.

Even 12-15 years ago when I was in school/uni and had digital cameras rather than phones good enough for decent photos we would curate them a bit and only put funny/good ones on Facebook. I mean I've got a few stupid ones (row of hands holding shots/circle of feet etc.) But a) that's it,just a tiny few and b) I was a teenager not a fully grown adult!

I just don't see who it's for. I can appreciate looking back on key aspects of your own holiday "ahh that sunset really was beautful" "wow that one cocktail was as big as I remember" "omg I can't believe we dived off that rock!" But surely nobody is going to be thinking "what did I eat on the second breakfast of my trip to tenerife ten years ago....let me check my insta...ah yes a fruit salad. And the next day i had a croissant. wow the memories."

And the same if they are posting it for others. Again, nice to look at highlights but who is going to be envious/interested by a random icecream in a hand, particularly if it's one of ten just for that holiday!

No judgment on her for wanting to take these photos, up to her, we all have our hobbies, but I don’t think you should adjust your holiday behaviour or overly accommodate her photo shoots. If she takes a quick photo before you dig in, fine, but I’d not be waiting for adjusting the position of plates etc.

I remember going for a meal in a restaurant and on the table next to us there was a hen party. None of them spoke to each other and were on their phones the whole time. It was a Chinese restaurant and each table had its own chef who'd set things on fire etc - there was no chat, just photos and typing. The crazy thing was that they were obviously putting on social media that it was a fantastic night.

My daughter recently went out with a group of friends. One didn't speak all night, just sat there on her phone. When my daughter checked her social media later she saw the girl had written all these things - out with my friends! Where would I be without my girlfriends? Etc etc etc. Hadn't said a word all night!

@Sundaycoffee
which is worth more to you those couple of mins, or the friendship ?

"I appreciate that photos are central to your holiday and that's fine, but I need to say now, that I don't want to be in them or involved in them, nor have my meals photographed. Photography is fun for you, but being part of it isn't for me"

we all have our hobbies

This type of behaviour is not a hobby, it's more akin to a compulsion or addiction.

They're making others like op an unwilling, not really consenting accessory to their compulsion.

They think it looks pretty/interesting and they want to be able to look at it again, in photo form, either for itself or as a memento of the moment. Even if you don't know it's Vesuvius, can you not think 'oh, that mountain looks nice! I want to take a picture'? Pictures are separate from learning the history of a place.

Almost everywhere is a living breathing space that is the culmination of thousands of years of history... including the UK. Do you think it odd when people here take pictures on a trip?