Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pretend to be my husband?

60 replies

pontipinemum · 04/09/2023 17:03

I've been trying to sort an issue with an online supplier. I decided to just pretend to be my husband in order to make sure they would talk to me. Gave my name ''David'' think very much so a mans name.

The guy on the phone clearly didn't believe me, (there is no mistaking I am a woman by my voice), and said, can I confirm this is MR DAVID Smith which I just said yes. He couldn't really say well I don't believe you are a man so he had to proceed with the call as if I was DH.

More so a what do you think not an AIBU

YABU - That's bad to pretend like that
YANBU - Got the job done. No harm

OP posts:
Newuser75 · 04/09/2023 20:36

I took my car to the garage as there was an issue with it. Told them what the issue was and left the car.

They proceeded to ring my husband up (had his number on file) to discuss what was wrong with the car.

  1. I'd already told them
  2. It's my car that he never drives
  3. He didn't have a clue what was wrong with it!!

Maddening

Missedmytoe · 04/09/2023 20:54

I'm sure I've posted about this before but years ago a close relative died. As next of kin I was trying to sort things out, and contacted one of their service providers to advise of the death so I could get a final bill.
They refused to speak to me. Wanted to speak to the account holder. Despite me saying multiple times that they were dead (obviously a quite distressing conversation). In the end I suggested that they had a seance as that was the only way that the person was going to be able to speak to them.

AnIndianWoman · 04/09/2023 20:59

HSBC UK does this a lot with joint accounts - assumes the man is the lead applicant even when they’re only the secondary card holder.

fisherhatesgravel · 04/09/2023 21:01

You should have told them you are a trans man, they wouldn't have dared question you then 😂

Genericusername2 · 04/09/2023 21:45

In my work (call centre) we are not allowed to assume anyone's gender. If they pass security then that's it, it's fine, you carry on with the call.

Could be trans and you cause offence, could be a medical reason they don't wish to discuss.

Be aware though if you do this with the bank, they may flag it to their fraud department for investigation (and listen back to any previous calls) and you may find your bank account blocked or closed.

lorelairoryemily · 04/09/2023 21:53

I do this all the time. I always say I am my husband and they usually pause for a second and then ask an additional security question and proceed.

Karwomannghia · 04/09/2023 22:10

I can honestly say I don’t have this problem, my name comes first because I’ve set everything up! In fact dh used to get called Mr my maiden name before we got married.

Original poster
pontipinemum · 04/09/2023 22:11

@Globules it was the 1st time I've done it. I had always previously said no it's his wife he wants me to sort it. Which often didn't work.

@EffortlessDesmond and @Missedmytoe they really do need processes in place. Surely they are situations that come up frequently enough.

OP posts:
IAmAnIdiot123 · 04/09/2023 22:13

I do it all the time when I call EE. No idea why I set my phone up under his account (probably a deal years ago) but to speak to them, I have to put on a man's voice and pretend to be DP.

TheGirlFromTomorrow · 04/09/2023 22:20

It's absolutely fine. Although at work I once had the most hilarious conversation with a man pretending to be his wife and putting on a lady's voice. He got more and more angry and abusive, all while trying to keep up this high pitched voice.

In the end, he said he was going to come down to the office to try and do me in, and I had to warn reception. I had a picture of him I'd got online (he had a long history of abusive behaviour, including to a judge so there was lots about him to find), and I had to say he looks like this but he might come in a wig and lipstick!

He didn't show up, alas.

ohfook · 04/09/2023 22:39

I used to work for a bank and we were told if we asked the data protection questions (date of birth etc) and it clearly wasn't who we were meant to be speaking to, then we just had to ask two more DPA questions and if they got them right just to carry on with the call. We couldn't refuse to speak to someone if they'd passed data protection.

Wheelz46 · 04/09/2023 22:46

You would be surprised how many fraudsters can easily pass security and additional security.

Therefore, if we feel we are not speaking to the customer we can quite rightly advise the customer that we don't believe we are speaking with the genuine customer, not many fraudsters are going to argue it out.

LaurieFairyCake · 04/09/2023 22:47

I've done this loads when DH worked late hours

They were so sceptical and couldn't do anything about it - one guy was really rude to me and told me to get my husband so I 'went to get him' and used my exact same voice to pretend to be him

He was trying SO HARD to trip me up - what was your last 5 transactions, what's your mortgage payment, what was your first pet called...

Once I accomplished the transaction I said BYE NOW in the highest register I had Grin

Wheelz46 · 04/09/2023 23:00

@LaurieFairyCake at my company, if we genuinely don't believe we are speaking to the customer, like the agent in your case, we can actually advise the caller we don't believe them to be the genuine customer, that's even if the caller confirms additional security questions.

As calls are monitored, the calls and any previous calls can be listened to if a complaint was put in, which someone pretending to be someone else is unlikely to do. So if we suspect fraud, we can refuse to continue the conversation, it not only protects ourselves but the customer too.

It's so easy for the main account holder to pop a name and password on for someone to deal with on their behalf and then this issue would never arise.

HoliHormonalTigerLillyTheSecond · 05/09/2023 22:14

I HATE talk mg to my mobile phone company with a vengeance. I just get DH to call them up and have the hour long conversation about changing my phone/ tariff every time I need to. He just needs to get me on the line to say I give him permission 🤷🏻‍♀️

solvendie · 05/09/2023 22:30

I don’t understand. Surely companies won’t speak to you because of GDPR. Why don’t you just set things up from the outset or get both of you on the account?

sorry if I’ve missed the point

Greengagesnfennel · 05/09/2023 22:56

HectorSalamanca · 04/09/2023 17:23

Yes. I've done this a few times myself. The first time was an issue with a joint bank account. We had moved house and I had updated my new address online but my husband hadn't and they froze the account.

I phoned in work and they said they had to speak to him.

I explained he was away and I was in work so unable to get hold of him.

In the end I just said oh hang on he's just walked through the door, I put on a bit of a deeper voice and I knew she didn't buy it, but what was she going to say 🤷.

It was a revelation and I've done it a couple of other times now.

Oh this made me smile :-)

VeniVidiWeeWee · 05/09/2023 23:36

I'm male. My long time female partner is the lead on all our financial stuff, credit cards, bank accounts etc.

They all refuse to talk to me about lost cards, etc.

junbean · 05/09/2023 23:39

With all the shit women have to deal with to be heard! YANBU!

FeatherBlack · 05/09/2023 23:48

solvendie · 05/09/2023 22:30

I don’t understand. Surely companies won’t speak to you because of GDPR. Why don’t you just set things up from the outset or get both of you on the account?

sorry if I’ve missed the point

GDPR wasnt a thing when I set up my account. With 2 names on it. Somewhere they decided to ditch me, but all the bills are still addressed to Mr firstname surname and Ms first name same surname.
Every year, I tell them. They tell me its sorted. Every year they discard me again.

I despair and would dearly love to ditch them, but they have the best deal for us. And while it pisses me right off, I'm not going anywhere.

GodspeedJune · 05/09/2023 23:53

I’ve impersonated women but never occurred to do so for men. Thanks OP, I’m going to try this! Much more efficient than nagging DP to call somewhere on his day off which he often forgets to do even then.

NaiceAm · 06/09/2023 00:03

I have started doing this too. I am (by several multiples) the biggest earner between me and DH. I set up all the utilities, internet etc. when our green energy company went under my name was ditched from the bill and the same thing happened with the internet - my name was removed one day from the account. We live in the same house together.

I now pretend to be DH if the internet goes down when I’m working from home as they won’t talk to me otherwise as I’m not the account holder. I make sure the bills are paid, earn the money to pay them and set up the accounts. We’ve both asked for me to be put down as a joint account holder but it never happens. We have the same first initial and surname. It makes me feel like I’m winning the battle after all and less frustrated if I can pretend to be him and get things sorted out that way.

SkiingIsHeaven · 06/09/2023 00:37

I have started to self identify as my husband on the phone. It's so much easier.

Alex Drake · 06/09/2023 00:49

We had this issue in reverse a while back when DH was calling Sky to cancel the tv subscription (which was in his name and paid from his bank account) He was on the phone for ages, they really did not want to lose the custom. Finally the sky operator asked DH "so what will your wife think about this, won't she be disappointed, I think you should discuss it with her first". It was in DH name only, they didn't even know he had a wife!

NewName122 · 06/09/2023 01:01

Yanbu op that's so funny. I've had to pretend to be my boss loads of times as it's her name on the business card but it's me that has to call our stock people if any issues.