Online sperm donation. Weird weird weird....

[Sporkle99]

....and I can't believe women actually use some of them! My friend is looking to have a child via a sperm donor, but doesn't want to spend thousands and has been looking online on an app called just a baby. She's looking to find someone she can get to know for some time then co parent (she knows I am posting here about our discoveries on the app last night). There are men on there who literally state that they have a pregnancy kink and they want to 'plant their seed and watch it grow' with a link to 'verified reviews' from women who state things like 'we both got what we wanted out of it. He's super reliable, kind, etc etc'. Some of them are ex sperm bank donors who reached the maximum limit and are now fathering 100+ children via these apps.

I also considered going it alone but couldn't find a way that morally sat right with me. My friend is now starting to feel the same.

Has anyone else come across this before? My eyes were opened pretty wide last night. Absolutely bonkers. Just can't imagine ever learning that I was conceived partly to fulfil someone's kink....

Not sure what I want from this thread other than a little decompression!

yes definitely weird, Also if these men have got hundreds of children surely there'd be a possibility of these children once adults getting together as a couple unbeknownst to them that they are siblings and possibly have children together. surely that's why sperm banks have limits on how many children a man can father. it doesn't bare thinking about. And Bloody hell how desperate must some women be to use one of these mens sperm eww.

Are these the worst examples though?

I have looked at sights like this and most of the men are ok.

I really don't understand why any women in her right mind would do this.
Putting aside the risk of STIs and physical and/or mental abuse from these men. The chance of finding a decent non fetish having male who is going to be willing and able to successfully co parent with are almost impossible.
I know of 3 men who have done this 1 is a convicted pedophile! Another is an incel and the 3rd is to cheap and lazy to find a surrogate (I don't agree with surrogacy) so lied to the poor woman and has applied for full custody of a baby that wasn't even born yet (had to reapply after birth) and is making her life hell because he wants to be mum and sees her as just the walking womb that carried his child and isn't needed now (his exact words to his sister who is even more horrified than me).
These apps are completely unregulated and so dangerous that I honestly believe that they should be illegal.

This is why sperm donation needs to be regulated,I'm sure there are some genuine people on these apps,but I've Heard horror stories of women being blackmailed into NI insemination or PI being told Ai is not effective, sadly women are open to manipulation by some horrible men in there desire to have a child,I've never considered being a sperm donor, but if I did I would make sure I had all the necessary health checks first and only use the AI method,is sad the way woman are treated by men on these apps

Can go horribly wrong https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022/may/31/uk-sperm-donor-genetic-condition-banned-contacting-children-fragile-x-syndrome

Very weird. Is it legal to do that? I don’t suppose it is something that can be easily regulated.

Id say you would have to be pretty stupid to get sperm from a man who has already fathered so many he cannot donate to a legitimate sperm bank. How awful for the eventual children knowing they’d have so many potential siblings out there.

I think the idea of linking a man and woman together who both want a child is a good one. But I don’t like the idea of random men handing out their sperm online, especially repeatedly doing so because of some weird kink. Wonder what the eventual children of these men will feel, knowing they were conceived because their father got his kicks out of making women pregnant.

I suppose these sites would attract people with kinks/oddities. I’d guess any more normal man who wanted to donate for reasonable reasons would go to a sperm bank and if refused just accept it….not go to any lengths they can to donate.

Men are weird (please don't NAMALT me) and any bloke who I ready to give his sperm away without correct checks and balances is not in it for the right reasons.

Sperm donation is regulated by the HFEA in the UK, but people keep going outside the system for money and anonymity reasons. You have no legal protections or health checks, and poorer psychological outcomes for the child. There are very good reasons why anonymous donation has been banned, it's supremely selfish and foolish to go outside the system

It’s obscene and needs banning.

Name changed for obvious reasons... I have a 14 year old conceived by a donor found online. My partner and I went through a clinic initially, but that's very expensive, and actually felt more 'seedy' to us (choosing a donor based on a set of mainly physical characteristics felt utterly meaningless). We came across a website by chance and there were 3 donors listed that were reasonably local to us... a gay couple looking for a coparenting arrangement which wasn't for us, someone else whom we ruled out for reasons I don't remember, and a man who we thought looked promising. We contacted him, met fire a drink and a chat, all went away and thought about it, and decided to go ahead. He had previously helped a couple of other women, and had a contract drawn up (basically that he'd have no rights or responsibilities and would take a dim view of we tried to claim child support).
It's been great... we do see him from time to time (once every few years) because we got on. It's worked out really well for us.

@Babybydonor you do realise that the contract you have is essentially meaningless? If the donor had decided he wanted contact/shared custody he could still apply and be granted it?

The contracts strengthen your case somewhat, since they raise the question of why the donor has now changed his mind about what he wants- but a judge will always decide cases based on the best interests of the child, and that nearly always means the child’s right to a relationship with it’s father is paramount.

basically that he'd have no rights or responsibilities and would take a dim view of we tried to claim child support
Except that legally, that's useless. A child born via sperm donation outside of a regulated system is deemed the child of the sperm donor. He would have the right to be recognised as such legally if he wanted to pursue it.

The only way to be 100% certain to be free of legal entitlement by a sperm donor is to go via a licence clinic.

That isn’t 100% true- a child born to a married lesbian couple, who was conceived through artificial insemination in any situation, will have the birth mother and her wife listed on the birth certificate- so they both have PR and the donor doesn’t.

However the donor could still go to court for contact and it would probably be given (and the mothers could apply for maintenance and be granted that too).

Sperm banks have a maximum limit for a reason. They also have standards, checks, verifications, as well as protections in place for the subsequent child.
Any man who tries to use himself as a donor beyond this is morally lacking. Any woman who chooses to conceive with a man in this way is also morally lacking. Neither of them have appropriate sanity for parenting another human being.

I'm glad both you and your friend were out off by it. If your friend "doesn't want to spend thousands" on creating her child she perhaps isn't ready to have one, with all of the costs that come with having one.

If you want to conceive with a donor, please, go through the appropriate regulated channels to do this.

Definitely a valid point!

I do know that... it was pretty much the first thing he said about it. I think we all regarded it more as a way of clearly setting out our intentions, but also to add weight to any subsequent difficulties ( not in UK, so precise legal situation not the same)

Fair enough, I only know about the system here. We have the same sort of contract with our donor (but it’s a different story-not an internet donor), and we spent a lot of time with specialist lawyers finding information out ourselves.

I worry that ‘I’ll get a contract’ is used by these random men on line and some women won’t understand that they are meaningless!

She needs to give her head a wobble! Sperm from a clinic isn’t actually expensive - it’s only expensive if you need them to help you get pregnant.
may least if she buys sperm off a regulated clinic or sperm bank she knows that health checks have been made, questions have been asked and there are limits on how many times a donors sperm can be used.

What protection is in place to prevent your child from inadvertently procreating with one of their siblings? That’s a minefield!!

In our particular case I think this is very unlikely. There aren't a large number of siblings - our donor has only helped a couple of other women - and we no longer live in the same country. But I don't think the fact that we used a donor places us in a unique position with regards to this risk... quite a lot of men father numerous children that aren't known to each other, the mothers of all the children, or even the man himself.

Ugh so much judgement and ignorance on this thread. I met my kids dad on one of those sites. He is gay and was looking for a woman to coparent with. He’s an amazing dad. We have our challenges like any family, but we make it work a lot better than many of my peers who started out in relationships that turned sour and fell apart.

Most of you on this thread have no idea what you are talking about.

Many of these donors insist on “natural insemination” too.
If she can’t save up and afford regulated treatment bringing up a child is going to be a stretch

@CoParents finding a co parent online is very different from getting sperm
from some random who likes spreading his seed about for kicks. I think matching up with another single who wants an adult is a sensible way to have a child, but that’s different from a simoly getting sperm from some random.

The people commenting that if she can’t afford the thousands to get pregnant, can she actually afford a child? Some very lucky people can get pregnant for free. Not having a £12k lump sum for IVF that may or may not work doesn’t mean you can’t afford a child.

So apps like OP suggests where men openly say they've a pregnancy kink don't exist then? Phew!