Am I unreasonable to want FIL to STOP buying rubbish!!

[depressionpitofdoom]

I understand that he is doing a nice thing and that he enjoys buying things for my children, but the things he buys are unusable and awful and a waste of his money, a waste of my time because I then have to get rid of the things, a disappointment to my children because they think they're getting new things and they're not (they are young children and don't understand fully yet) and frankly he's taking away from someone who could use those items.

For example, the latest things he has bought is a jumper from the charity shop that is a boys jumper in 9-12m. My daughter is 4 years old. (She is tiny but not quite that tiny). I don't know anyone with a baby that young I can't give it to someone else and I don't have time to take it back to another charity shop. And 12 pairs of very, very old fashioned school knee high socks that are far too large for my eldest. I really struggle with keeping my home manageable and all that's happening is I'm accumulating a mountain of absolute rubbish. I've been told I'm unreasonable and nasty if I tell him to stop buying things because it brings him happiness - but it's driving me insane.

I'm the one who has to get rid of it all, I don't have space in my home for all of this tat that won't get used and can't be sold because its in terrible condition or so old fashioned that nobody would use it and I don't drive. For me. Taking something to a charity shop takes 2 hours out of my day, I dont want to just throw things in the bin but I feel like I have no choice. Someone else could have used those things and its obviously not brilliant for the environment but I don't have space to store it.

All well and good, nice ideas, but it's still something that the OP has to sort out.

What school? Where? How to get the items there? Do I need to ask if they would like them first? Who do I contact? Where do I find those contact details? Does the school have a website?

All just more mental labour that isn't needed.

OP, I know you don't really like the idea, but just throw it all away. The charity has had their money, so no-one is losing out. If your DH isn't going to step up and tell FIL to stop, then you've done all you can. See the act of throwing it away as a small act of mercy to yourself.

All the stuff in a bag-for-life placed somewhere strategically annoying for your husband. His to deal with. If he chooses to chuck it, that's a shame (and I do mean that, I hate waste). But it's his problem. If he gets final say on this behaviour continuing, he can take responsibility for the clear up too. Just repeat, repeat, repeat every time.

Edit to add, I don't mean this to be a passive aggressive act, you tell him this is what you are doing. Tell him you don't have capacity to manage it any longer so if he wants to keep enabling his dad, he needs to sort it out.

Yes, I agree. Tell your husband that you don’t have headspace to sort out any more crap and it lives in his car boot until
he’s dealt with it. Although, if you share a car, this isn’t very helpful.

The problem with people suggesting to donate it to charity is that charity shops are inundated with unsellable crap. None of the shops near me will take children’s clothes for that reason.

Yes, love the idea of the crap living in the back of his car. Then it's out of sight for you and you won't be annoyed with him ignoring it for weeks at a time

Thank you so much. I’ve just booked a collection. Amazing.

Just put a box in the boot of DH's car. Put it in there and drop it back to the charity shop. Doesn't need to enter the house.

No problem @BIossomtoes , I think they also take kitchen items and small electrical items. It has helped me so so much with decluttering!

Put it in the boot of car and when it gets full
tell DH to take it to the charity shops it’s not your problem. Or give it straight bk to the grandfather.

Ah, my DM does this. She bought a party dress for a 3 year old. I have a 2 year old DS and a baby on the way...she can't resist a bargain at a bootfair.

I try to give my DM things to look for, then it's like a fun bargain orientated scavenger hunt. It seems to work as she is extra pleased with herself when she gets something off the list. The dress stayed with my DM. I've said that she can give it to me if second DC is a girl, on her second birthday 😂.

It's odd that your FIL doesn't actually want to give the gifts directly to the children if it gives him such pleasure? Does he ever ask about them once he's given them to your DH? If not, then I think there are limits to the extent of your duty to the environment, and they just go in the bin.

Any local jumble sales you could donate the stuff to? Some of the groups even collect from houses if you let them know.

Does your DH have a car? I'd start using his boot to store all of these things in because the house is full.