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Original poster

Can’t help but feel like the best days of my life are done?

34 replies

Bestdaysdone8 · 03/09/2023 19:24

I’m mid forties with primary-aged children. I loved the baby days. I loved being a young person, all that promise.

I find myself languishing now. With no major life events to look forward to. It’s like the best days of my life are over.

I know I’m throwing myself a pity party. But did anyone ever feel like that? How can I stop? I’m getting quite depressed about it.

(I’m on HRT so I’m not ignoring perimenopause etc. just feel so blah and meh about it all. Like, if I was going to do something amazing with my life, I would have done it. I’m done with having babies also, which makes me sad.)

OP posts:
Blackscrackleanddrag · 03/09/2023 19:26

You’re not dead yet.

So you’ll never find a cure for cancer, so what?

Find your freedom within your limitations, take up new interests and challenges, set yourself a goal or two and work towards them.

megletthesecond · 03/09/2023 19:28

FWIW. I'm 49 and feel the same. It doesn't help that we've had health problems in the family this summer which makes me feel very vulnerable.

Iwasafool · 03/09/2023 19:31

You have so much to look forward to. Teenagers can be a pain but they can also be lots of fun, you have graduations/weddings/grandchildren all sorts of things can happen. I'm 70 and loving being a gran, doing all the stuff with little ones again and without having to go to work.

You will feel better, if it was one of your kids you'd say it's a phase. I'm old enough to be your mum so can I say that?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 03/09/2023 19:33

I’m in my mid 50s and feel the opposite but probably felt similar at the stage you are at. My DC are older and I now have time to do things that I want to do. I’ve spent several years focusing on building a solid financial base and developing new skills so I have option of moving my career in another direction.

Start thinking about what you’d love to do with some extra time and gradually build your launch pad.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 03/09/2023 19:33

I'm early forties but I'm feeling pretty happy because my kids are all grown up and I get more and more freedom every day :)

Baconisdelicious · 03/09/2023 19:35

Oh goodness, OP, right there with you. Early 50s, eldest moving out, other two spending half their time with their dad but independent and out a lot of the time. I seem to be twiddling my thumbs and feeling useless. I think it’s just a stage in life you have to adapt to, like every other stage. Somehow it feels harder.

JaiynDough · 03/09/2023 19:35

I'm early 40s and find I keep getting really nostalgic for my teens/early 20s. Those were my best days. I suppose because they were so carefree and fun. I want to go back but will never get that back.

Deargodletitgo · 03/09/2023 19:38

Oh lordy, what a way to think about life! I'm late 40s, divorced and Co parenting. My life is just beginning again, traveling , going to gigs, rediscovering interests.

Simbaiamyourfather · 03/09/2023 19:40

Doing something amazing is over rated and the best thing you can do is enjoy every minute. Make plans go on adventures, and do things just for yourself. Embrace the changes, my children are in secondary now and I still have so much fun with them. My eldest is training to run a Spartan 21k with me and my husband next year. We go travelling and always have something planned. In a fews years it will just be me and my husband which be an entirely different adventure, then hopefully we'll get grandchildren and then who knows. But I'm looking forward to it all, not every is lucky enough to get the time and I'm making the most of mine!

midgemadgemodge · 03/09/2023 19:40

These years with young children are hard and you do lose yourself a bit - it's an important job that you are doing day in day out

But hopefully they grow up and then you have more time to focus on yourself and what you want to do - now is the time to be planning that, working out what you want out of life then - are you saving for a world tour or starting occasional music lessons or whatever

CluelessHamster · 03/09/2023 19:41

I felt exactly like that in my mid forties but my children were teens/young adults by that time (had my eldest as 24) so I think it was more about my age and hormones than anything else! I had so much regret and would ruminate about wishing I could go back in time and make different decisions. I definitely felt I had had my finest hour and it was all downhill now.

I'm 53 now and don't feel like that anymore.

I did have some counselling at the time which helped - and gave me the opportunity to be 'looked after' when so much of my life was spent looking after others with no time to myself.

mistermagpie · 03/09/2023 19:48

I'm the same age with two primary aged children and one a bit younger and I don't feel like that at all!

I'm actually quite looking forward to them all getting older and more interesting and us doing different kinds of things as a family. I'm also looking forward to the long term future when DH and I get a bit of our freedom back and can do more of the things we love doing. I could live my whole life over again (in years) if I'm lucky, I'm quite excited to see what's next.

Maybe it's just different strokes though, I didn't like the baby days at all and am glad they are passed, I also had a lot of bad times in my 30s (divorce, estrangement from my parents) and am glad all that is history too. Maybe it just depends what your life experiences have been.

HappiestSleeping · 03/09/2023 19:56

Look at all the people who have become successful later in life though:-

  • Stan Lee (comics)
  • Samuel L Jackson
  • the guy who started Zoom
  • Henry Ford
  • Ray Croc (McDonald's)
  • Ronald Reagan (possibly)
  • Lavernock Cox (Orange is the New Black)
  • the couple who started Gap
  • Alan Rickman
  • Morgan Freeman
  • Christopher Walz
  • Colonel Sanders (KFC)
  • Susan Boyle
  • Viola Davis

There are many examples. That said, I would add, wait until you get to your 50s 😮

Doppe · 03/09/2023 20:07

I KNOW my best years are done and gone! That said, I still enjoy my life now but I Def feel it's downward from here. I've felt like this since my husband died; it was sudden, I was in my late thirties he was a little older but not much and it was very unexpected. Suddenly all my/our dreams and plans for the future were gone. Initially I couldn't see any kind of future at all and while I'm past that now, I can't say that life has the same appeal it did.

KinooOrKinog · 03/09/2023 20:10

Yep, I feel exactly the same. Some days I just think, Christ, I could have another 25 years to endure. What's the point, I'm just treading water until I die! It's menopause. Probably the reason so many women in their 50's take their own lives.

I'm sorry I don't have any meaningful advice OP, but you're not alone in feeling that way, sadly.

Lastchancechica · 03/09/2023 20:13

I am shocked
You have PRIMARY school children! I would literally do anything to have those days back!!
MAKE THE MOST OF IT!!
you are young, so are they!!
Jeez!
You are 25 years away from anything approaching ‘past it’

cardibach · 03/09/2023 20:17

Depends what you mean by best.
Fittest? Probably.
That’s not everything though. I’m really enjoying life at 58. Freedom to do what I want when I want (in part because if a good pension from working at a stressful job for 35 years - I recognise my privilege).
Knowledge of what I want.
It’s great.

Jellycats4life · 03/09/2023 20:18

I’m the same age and feel exactly the same. In fact there was a thread last week along the same lines.

thistimelastweek · 03/09/2023 20:20

I am mid 60s and loving life. I can set my own pace and that's great.

I really enjoy my relationship with my adult children and have regular time with my beautiful grandchildren.

Busy or lazy, it's my choice.
We're not rich but with sensible management can pretty much do what we want to. That includes a nice holiday every now and then.

I wouldn't go hack to my 40s if you paid me

I

Samsonsmum · 03/09/2023 20:25

I'm 74 now - since I was 49 it's been a blast. Feeling and looking older now but hey ho. Abseiling off the flying doughnut at Brighton later this month and off to Poland for a face lift after that. It's what you make it

TheCrowFromBelow · 03/09/2023 20:26

The fifties are fantastic! What is the source for this please Probably the reason so many women in their 50's take their own lives.

Notadramallama · 03/09/2023 20:29

I'm 46, no kids and have never felt fitter, healthier or happier with my life.

SnapBang · 03/09/2023 20:30

OP, with kindness, there is a lot more to be accomplished in life than being young and having young children.

Think practically about what you’d like to achieve in the next chapter of your life.

Would you like to travel? Grow your friendships? Learn something? Progress in a career? Train in something? Win a medal in something?

My dad used to say, if you can’t do something in ten years, you shouldn’t worry about it at all. What can YOU do in the next ten years? What would you like to be doing?

Life is long, complex if you make it and full of opportunities if you choose to chase things.

You are stuck in a moment, to quote Bono 😂 but you have a lot of life to live and many goals to accomplish yet. This is just one chapter and it sounds like you’ve enjoyed it.

onto the next!

Sparklesocks · 03/09/2023 20:33

I think it’s a matter of perspective. There is still a large amount of joy to be found in the little things. Time with your family, laughing with friends, being in nature etc. And you have your children to watch grow up and find their own pockets of the world. A life enjoyed is not a life wasted, even if you didn’t cure cancer or stop global warming single-handedly.

Sweetlily99 · 03/09/2023 20:36

My eldest is starting y7 and I have a y4 and y2. Looking at other friends I think as they progress up primary you gain more you time.back and can still have fun with them doing different activities.

I am 42 and feel a bit bla about everything. I'm thinking it will ease a bit ... or I'll feel less guilty finding me again. I loved my 20s!