Can’t help but feel like the best days of my life are done?

[Bestdaysdone8]

I’m mid forties with primary-aged children. I loved the baby days. I loved being a young person, all that promise.

I find myself languishing now. With no major life events to look forward to. It’s like the best days of my life are over.

I know I’m throwing myself a pity party. But did anyone ever feel like that? How can I stop? I’m getting quite depressed about it.

(I’m on HRT so I’m not ignoring perimenopause etc. just feel so blah and meh about it all. Like, if I was going to do something amazing with my life, I would have done it. I’m done with having babies also, which makes me sad.)

Yes I felt like that in my forties. I think it was coming to terms with the feeling of reduced possibilities - that the choices I made when younger now affect all of my life and some options are forever closed to me now.

In my twenties I felt that anything was possible (optimism of youth!). In my forties I developed a health condition that has limited my options. Coming to terms with human frailty has been difficult. My life isn't how I imagined it would be. It all felt very bleak for a while.

Am more at peace with it now, more content and am enjoying the life I do have. But I did not like those years of bleakness, at all.

*OP, with kindness, there is a lot more to be accomplished in life than being young and having young children.

Think practically about what you’d like to achieve in the next chapter of your life.

Would you like to travel? Grow your friendships? Learn something? Progress in a career? Train in something? Win a medal in something?

My dad used to say, if you can’t do something in ten years, you shouldn’t worry about it at all. What can YOU do in the next ten years? What would you like to be doing?

Life is long, complex if you make it and full of opportunities if you choose to chase things.

You are stuck in a moment, to quote Bono 😂 but you have a lot of life to live and many goals to accomplish yet. This is just one chapter and it sounds like you’ve enjoyed it.

onto the next!*

👏🏼

I understand. I’m early 50s and there are things I just won’t get to do now because those days have just ‘gone’. Mainly career and house related . I’ve ended up in a bit of a rubbishy job due to various factors and health issues do preclude trying to get a more fitting role.
i will never have my ‘dream’ family home. We have one move left in us but the DCs are young adults so it’ll be more like our home which the DCs half live!!
I am hoping dh and I can get more travelling in once he’s retired or semi retired. I am looking forward to that, but I’m nostalgic for the ‘old’ days too (and also worried re sniper alley!).

Really sorry to hear you're feeling like this. I have young kids too and I know it can be a slog at times.

I think it's about mindset. Do you follow Anna Mathur on Insta? She says something like flipping your mindset from "I have to do this" to "I get to do this". I also think it's about making the most of what you have and seeing the good bits in every day. A nice morning coffee, hugs from your kids.

I'm with you OP, 42 with DD about to start yr5. It all feels like the best has long passed by and I've got about another 60 years of this! Marriage is blah, not a great mum and scraping by at work. Fattest and tired-est I've ever been too. What happened to 'life begins at 40'?????

What "the subtle art of not giving a fuck" on Netflix op.

The truth is most of us are rubbish at most things. All this focus on succeeding at life, or focus in "important life events" actually robs us from living a good life day to day.

Not my experience at all. I’m 49 and have an 11 month old and life is amazing. DH and I are loving having a baby, it’s the best thing we’ve ever done. It’s tiring but oh so wondrous. There is so much joy in the every day and I’m so grateful for my health and my family. What we have is what most people want out of life. I think being thankful and recognising what you have in life, not what you don’t have, and being content with life being messy and imperfect is the secret to fulfilment.

I love this, thank you!

This.

Live everyday as if it's your last as tomorrow is not guaranteed.