Gap year | Mumsnet

madcatladieshere · 2023-09-03T17:16:53+00:00

My 19 year old daughter is going in a gap year taking in Thailand Vietnam then heading to NZ. She is going by herself staying in hostels and hoping to meet people en route. She doesn't have an actual plan or timescale on where she will be. I'm really struggling with this. I suffer with anxiety which I am getting help for but this just feels overwhelming. She is my only very precious child. She will be there for her 20 th birthday and Christmas. Please tell me she will be safe as I am having many sleepless nights over this. One of my biggest fears is that I won't be able to contact her for a few days

Drummend01 · 03/09/2023 18:32

I’m 28 now and did the same at 20 years old, my parents were also very apprehensive but it was the best thing I ever did. I grew so much from the experience and it really set me up for my future.

my parents wanted me to plan it so they would know where I was but I was insistent I didn’t want to, which was the right call as you make friends along the way and tag along with them. But I did compromise and book the first 3 nights at a hostel in Bangkok for when I first arrived, but from there I only had rough plans.

ManchesterLu · 03/09/2023 19:37

It's terrifying, but all you can do is ask her to be in touch when she's able, and try not to worry in the meantime. Easier said than done, but not much you can do about it. Communication can be tough and even with a plan things can change.

43ontherocksporfavor · 03/09/2023 19:42

DD 22 just did this but I felt unsure about her being alone. In the end she went on one of those tours- gap 360 I think where you are met and taken around the country. It’s more money but in the end she was glad of it . However she did say that there are so many young people doing the same countries she thinks she would have been ok.

43ontherocksporfavor · 03/09/2023 19:43

Is there anyone she k owns doing similar that she could perhaps meet up with at some point.? DD did this for one of her weeks and flew back with her.

Hufflepods · 03/09/2023 19:44

Well you need to acknowledge that she’s an adult, she can make her own decisions. It’s very likely that there will be times that she won’t contact you for a few days whether she was travelling or not and you need to be able to accept that.

Original poster

madcatladieshere · 03/09/2023 20:50

Thank you for your replies. I have tried to convince her to join a group I have also offered to pay the difference but she will not agree to it. Unfortunately she doesn't know anyone else able to join her. Can you just buy a SIM card when you arrive. My anxiety is so bed I have ended up on medication.

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itsmyp4rty · 03/09/2023 20:59

I've been to so many countries on my own including Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, Jordan, the US, Canada as well as round Europe. I made so many friends abroad, more easily than I ever had at home and several that I still keep in touch with years and years later. When I went round Europe it was so long ago there were no such things as mobile phones, no one knew where i was for the whole time i was away apart from the odd postcard! It's very likely that almost all of where she goes she will be able to use the internet or phone.

The one thing I would say is that a year away with no real plan for any of that time is a long time! I think she would be better off having a few plans in place that will keep her occupied in one place or another for a while. Moving constantly from place to place can be exhausting and very draining. Has she considered doing something like volunteering with workaway? That's what i would do if i was her. Basically you volunteer (no cost to you unlike with a lot of voluntourism) with someone local who needs help with their animals, children, garden, language etc There's all sorts of things. You often then get free accommodation, have a local host to help you settle in and you can read reviews from other people who have volunteered there. Of course it's also something you can put on a cv as well.

BotterMon · 03/09/2023 21:04

My DD (only child) did this at 18. Met amazing people who she travelled with and made friends for life. This was 15 years ago so had Daily Texts from her as was before social media. Think I preferred not knowing what she was up to!

Must say her arrival back at Heathrow was a relief but I didn't worry about her as she's sensible. The out of sight, out of mind approach is best.

43ontherocksporfavor · 03/09/2023 21:08

OP when I first mentioned the tour to DD she was adamant she didn’t want that but a week or so later said she’d had a change of heart. She met so many people on the tour but they come and go as the length of tour varies. She’s kept in touch with them.Hostels are included as are some activities like Thai cooking, kayaking and train journeys around the country.

Original poster

madcatladieshere · 03/09/2023 21:50

@itsmyp4rty thank you for your reply I must admit I am slightly concerned that she has no solid plans. I will suggest volunteering to her that's a really nice idea. In a moment of madness (my madness) I thought of purchasing her a satellite phone. Is that as ridiculous as it sounds or will it make her and me! Feel safer

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43ontherocksporfavor · 03/09/2023 21:57

DD was always able to contact me in Thailand , Bali and Indonesian islands. Wifi in most places, even on a boat!

43ontherocksporfavor · 03/09/2023 21:58

And yea she bought a cheap sim at the airport for each country.

Tinytigertail · 03/09/2023 22:06

She'll have an amazing time. The hotels these days are great and can help sort out onward travel, book buses etc. Lots of young people travel solo. My DD is just back from Vietnam and she had a ball and made lots of new friends.

Alaimo · 03/09/2023 22:09

Stop trying to make her join a group tour or go volunteering. Let her figure out what she wants do, that's what gap years are all about.

I went away for a year at 18. I knew it was difficult for my mum, but she never expressed anything but happiness for the adventure ahead of me. You cannot let your anxiety dominate her trip.

dinhoecotour · 04/09/2023 04:50

Regarding Vietnam, it is easy to buy a SIM card with unlimited data on arrival at the airport. Otherwise, wifi is everywhere.

tempuseradsm · 04/09/2023 05:00

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WiddlinDiddlin · 04/09/2023 06:02

She can buy a sim for each country as she arrives.

Do NOT buy her a satellite phone, they're very expensive, less reliable/not suitable for use everywhere, and cost a lot to actually use, and its one more expensive bit of kit at risk of being stolen. There is no need.

You realllllly need to get your head around not being able to contact her - let her contact you, when she wants to. Travelling and having the freedom to do whatever, whenever, is no fun if you're feeling pressure to contact someone else all the time.

sashh · 04/09/2023 07:33

madcatladieshere · 03/09/2023 20:50

Thank you for your replies. I have tried to convince her to join a group I have also offered to pay the difference but she will not agree to it. Unfortunately she doesn't know anyone else able to join her. Can you just buy a SIM card when you arrive. My anxiety is so bed I have ended up on medication.

Yes you can get a simm card as soon as you land in just about any country.

There are thousands of parents around the world, including those from NZ, Australia, South Africa who have adult children doing this.

She will be fine. People meet others in hostels and form a group to do something together, go to a particular place / do an activity / plan a trip.

Not the same but at 16 I took my first flight, I was alone and being met by relatives in Australia.

At the first stop there was a sandstorm so we had to land at a tiny airport for a few hours and we could not get off the plane.

Then at the next stop all I had obviously missed my connecting flight, so QANTAS re routed a plane.

I arrived at my destination about 6 hours late.

This was the early 1980s. I was fine. I had no way to contact my relatives at either end, but I was fine. I had quite a sheltered upbringing and I was still fine.

She will not be alone, she will be among loads of others doing a trip round the world in various stages and directions.

She will be fine.

Original poster

madcatladieshere · 04/09/2023 08:14

Thank you for your replies. It is interesting what you have said about a satellite phone I did have similar thoughts but thought it was a way to enable her to be contactable. I was unsure how they worked anyway?

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Original poster

madcatladieshere · 04/09/2023 08:15

@itsmyp4rty my daughter is going to look into volunteering thank you

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roarrfeckingroar · 04/09/2023 09:42

She'll be fine. I did similar in my 20s but via India beforehand. Thailand and Vietnam are very easy travelling.

roarrfeckingroar · 04/09/2023 09:44

I will say that my father's negativity about my travels nearly cost our relationship. He made it all about him and his worries. Don't be that parent. She's going - accept it and don't make your anxiety her problem.

roarrfeckingroar · 04/09/2023 10:03

madcatladieshere · 04/09/2023 08:14

Thank you for your replies. It is interesting what you have said about a satellite phone I did have similar thoughts but thought it was a way to enable her to be contactable. I was unsure how they worked anyway?

Have you thought that she might not want to be contactable constantly? Let her have some space to grow.

You won't need a satellite phone in most parts of SE Asia. She can buy a SIM card anywhere in each country; it costs a few dollars and means she can WhatsApp from there.

43ontherocksporfavor · 04/09/2023 11:03

We all know she is an adult but a very young, recently a girl who will be vulnerable. I know exactly how op feels and it’s ok to feel worried. Young people feel invincible but we know better and can advise caution.

roarrfeckingroar · 04/09/2023 12:00

Yes but don't push her away by being overbearing with your worrying. It is very, very easy to travel safely alone around Thailand and Vietnam.