To feel a bit sad my Dc isn’t having a British childhood

[Remembervoguingatschool]

Just looking at the Instagram pics of friends in the U.K. from their holidays, from places like Wales & Cornwall. Just remembering the caravan stays of my childhood, the windy, rainy beach walks, finding little coves with fishing nets, having chippy for tea most might, arcades etc etc.
We live overseas and my dd has a wonderful life, but it’s very different to the one I had, she’ll have very different memories. Is it weird to feel sad she don’t experience the same things we did? (Dh is from the same area and had a similar childhood)

Reminds me of people who get fed up with not having any children of the same gender as them so they feel they don’t share the same life experiences. Except everyone’s life is different and it’s just a subjective feeling not based in any reality.

I am German and in the UK since 2000.

I also work for a German financial institution and we have a decent number of Germans here as well.

For me, my fellow Germans fall in two categories: the ones who are always homesick, can't settle really, shudder with the idea of bringing up their children in the UK and are always going for short trips back home. They normally don't last long and go back.

And then you have people like me and DH. Adopting the new country but also ensuring out own culture/tradtitions are staying alive. While I am not saying that I don't miss certain things or still shake my head about the way things are done, I have a normal life like I would have it back in Germany.

DD is happily celebrating Christmas on Christmas Eve and loves St. Nikolaus on the 6th December. She also embraces Bonfire Night and reminds us about Pancake Day despite the fact that pancakes are a stable weekend lunch food in our house.

I grew up on the US/Mexico border where, at the time of my youth, the population was 65% Mexican (it's now over 80%). Many residents are bilingual and we hold our own unique traditions.

I grew up with both Santa Claus and a "Posada" that is a procession from the Catholic Church in Mexico to the Catholic Church in my US city during the month of December.

We had "Carnaval" a few days before Ash Wednesday, which is similar to Mardi Gras in Louisiana. We spend the Holy Week doing many religious activities and also had the American tradition of Easter baskets. Our most fun part of Easter Sunday was the Mexican-American tradition of "cascarones". We would spend the entire Lenten season collecting egg shells. When someone would make eggs, they were careful to make an opening at the top and clean them because we would then dye them, fill them with confetti, cover them back up with paper and use them for Easter egg hunts. When the eggs had been collected, we would then crack them over each others heads. It sounds mad but it was good fun.

Obviously, we have Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, etc... But I also celebrate, "El Grito" on the night of September 15th. It is the "cry for independence" of Mexico from Spain. I know the words to the Mexican national anthem as well as the one from the US and have deep respect for both.

I married an Englishman and had two of my three children in England. There were no Posadas, no Mardi Gras/ Carnaval, no cascarones, no grito and mariachi music on September 15-16th. However, I appreciated the traditions and the everyday things of their life in England because it's so different from my own. I enjoy Guy Fawkes and Bonfire Night, learning the words to your national anthem, the BBC, eating fish and chips, learning your history, the Royal Family, your green and pleasant land, the cold, the rain, etc...

We did eventually return to the US but we don't live in my hometown so again, their daily lives are more different than mine and my spouse. It's all good. I could try to bring the English/British/Mexican life that my husband and I led but they will have their own. Apart from Pancake Day. After you've experienced Carnaval or Mardi Gras, eating pancakes is a bit lame 😝

Sounds like rose tinted glasses tbh. Bit like those stupid ‘Hello Autumn’ posts you see on social media wittering on about cosy nights, hot chocolate, stepping on crunchy leaves etc when the reality of autumn in the U.K. is a permanently grey sky, dark at 4pm and wet dirty pavements.

And then you have people like me and DH. Adopting the new country but also ensuring out own culture/tradtitions are staying alive. While I am not saying that I don't miss certain things or still shake my head about the way things are done, I have a normal life like I would have it back in Germany.

Same here. My life is little different from what I would have expected in my home country and my kids have a similar upbringing as I did, just not there. The way I see it my kids get to experience two different cultures on a daily basis and that’s a great thing in my eyes, especially when it comes to food.

Just what I was thinking. You can't have it both ways, and if it means so much to you then move back to the UK.

@SleepingStandingUp

They do celebrate Easter it's just not big where we live.

Also they eat pancakes so regularly that Pancake Day is bizarre to them haha.

Except where we live it’s precisely like that. The air is full of a woody scent, the autumn mist hangs in the trees, the hot chocolate is delicious, the leaves fall like snow and delight the children and we toast chestnuts and marshmallows on the fire before fireworks. It’s not some strange fairytale to us, but real life October to winter or the first snow fall.

But everyone has their own “things” from their childhood - those of us who grew up in the U.K. will have memories and traditions. For my kids, their ingrained memories are BBQs, the beach, hanging out with friends in their pools, the scent of eucalyptus and jasmine on a spring morning, the sound of magpies and kookaburras. They aren’t missing out on a British childhood any more than they’re missing out on a Chinese childhood or a Swiss one. They’re just having their experience and it’s different to mine and I am now fine with that.

Having spent nearly a year in the U.K. now and having them firmly say that they want to go home, I’m so pleased we did this and they have this experience and it’s taken away a lot of that FOMO that the “British experience” is somehow better, which I always kind of felt.

Its the first I've heard of Americans not celebrating easter. It is a religious holiday though so maybe not everyone celebrates? I lived in the US for 10+ years and hubby is American. Definitely celebrate easter!

I think those memories that we hold so dear are more a reflection of who we spent that time with, rather than where we were or what we were doing. Some of my fondest holiday recollections are taking part in the Pontin's Donkey Derby with my Dad in the pouring rain and wind, and being stuck in a tiny, steamy caravan for a week of torrential rain somewhere in Wales. The best damn holidays I've ever had according to my nostalgic mind!

I'm sure your DC will hold the same precious memories as you - albeit in different surroundings, but no less special to them.

Perception is always relative. Snow falling on Christmas Day, log fires, blossom in the spring, long summers in the fields, elderflowers and buttercups might be enjoyed by any child, and the reverse can be true. Children enjoy safe and loving childhoods wherever they are.

Where is this in the UK, and can I move there??

My children were born and raised in a 'holiday destination' and we moved back to the U.K. when they were late primary school due to my parents aging and other issues.

They have a far better lifestyle here than in the tropical paradise 😂 Outdoors all weathers is genuinely good for the soul/ mind I believe. Where we lived the weather was the same every day and super hot allllllll the time. It was draining and boring.

I'm pleased they experienced it, met amazing people and are open minded and culturally aware (I also grew up abroad) but also pleased they are near family and having, in my opinion, a more rounded lifestyle now.

However- I'm also pleased we still know lots of people worldwide from those years so we can still go for tropical breaks after shit weather summers like this one! 😂☀️☀️☀️

@Lastchancechica Where do you live now?
How old were the kids when you moved back?
I do get what you’re saying about it not really being *Real, I can’t really explain it though…can you elaborate a bit more?
Also, what did you wake up in the middle of the night in a panic about?
Do you feel more secure in the U.K.? Do you wish you’d gone back sooner? So many questions! 🙈

@Ozgirl75 How long did it take you to realise you want to go back to Oz, was it a huge difference to the way you felt in Oz (living back in the U.K.?)

So I reckon even when we were on the cusp of moving I was regretting it, but I made myself look at all the good things. Ever since we came here, I’ve had the feeling of “I know why we moved to Australia in the first place” - so honestly, I kind of always knew.

What cemented it was that the kids basically said “we like it but we miss home and life in Australia, we like the U.K. for a holiday but living here isn’t as good”

Then on top of the “feelings” there’s also the practicalities that it’s so much busier, greyer, I miss the blue sky, everything is SO much more expensive and so much more hassle. I miss the “can do” attitude of Australia, miss how easy it is to do things like go to events or even drive places.

I do like lots about the U.K. - love the countryside, the national trust, love London, love Europe etc but all those things we do when we’re on holiday here.

So I feel that it has answered the question of where I want to live for the next few years at least.

When I was in Australia what I thought I was missing was a very idealised idea of the U.K. that has not happened or been realistic at all!

@Ozgirl75 Have things changed since you lived in the U.K. before or you’ve just been spoilt by a better life in Oz?

I don't think it's the British experience that you're sad that your DD isn't having, but the lack of shared experience with yourself and maybe with the wider family.

There's nothing particularly magical about a British childhood, what makes it magical is it's YOUR childhood. You share it with your DC my getting out photo albums and reminiscing and laughing about it.

As someone who had emigrated, I understand how you feel, OP, but objectively British children have some of the least happy childhoods in the developed world.

https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2020/09/child-well-being-health-happiness-unicef-report/

Remembervoguingatschool I don't think it is weird at all but I get it being in the US. I really felt it about nativity plays for some reason.

I think that as your kids progress through school you get this sense that you are more permanently connected to the country and you can have mixed feeling about this if you never intended to settle permanently in a place. It'sa form of homesickness I think.
Easter may be celebrated in the US but we do not get a day off work here which is so odd.

Easter may be celebrated in the US but we do not get a day off work here which is so odd.

Think that may be because the US is a purposely secular country. It is stated in the US Constitution the separation of church and state and no religion should be favoured over another. Easter is considered a religious holiday therefore no work day off unless you request it. There is no national religion there like there is here in the UK.

I have a similar experience but have a different conclusion. I'm actually glad my DC are having the stability that I never had as we moved around so much. I did get to grow up in incredible places but was always quite envious of people who had friends they'd known all their lives. My DC have that, we live in a nice community and we've lived in our house since they were babies.

I did used to want to live abroad with them but now I do think they can see enough of other countries through travel and holidays. And I guess because I'm used to traveling, they have been exposed to quite a lot of different cultures.