Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I just too sensitive?

40 replies

aibu0 · 03/09/2023 16:18

I don’t want to go into a lot of detail because it’s a VERY long story. But long story short, I tried to break up with DP this morning. After he begged and we had a very long chat, I decided to not break up with him and see how things go. But I gave him a final warning and told him to be very careful because he’s on very thin ice and that even if he does the smallest thing then we’re done.

A few hours later he wants to have sex. (This would be our first time in 6 weeks, as I only had a baby) I agree but ask him to put on a condom, he told me absolutely not. (I’m not on contraception, as of yet, as I want to have a proper think and chat with dr about which would be best, as I’ve had a LOT of negative experiences on contraceptives and I’m considering using condoms as contraception.) He also questioned why I had condoms as we’ve never used them. I ordered them a few weeks ago for when the time came, he seemed very annoyed. Anyways, he refused to wear one and he had told me he’ll never ever use one even if it’s my choice of contraception and that I’ll need to accept a relationship without sex because he’s not using one. This set me off and I told him we’re done because he’s disrespectful.

We sorted things out…. He then agreed in future he’ll use one because he’d rather have sex with condoms than lose me.

fast forward an hour later everything is okay, I go get a shower as we were going to take baby a walk in the pram. When I walked into the room (I’m fully ready) and he sniggers as he looks me up and down. I already know by the way he was looking at me, that he was laughing at my outfit. I said what’s so funny? He said your outfit. I said why what’s funny about it? He said everything. I said okay, can you tell me what could I change. He said everything. (My outfit was mom jeans, a body suit and a cropped cardigan, I thought it looked super cute until he said this :( ) anyway, I started crying and told him he’s made me super paranoid and I don’t want to leave the house anymore. We got into an argument and I made him leave and I told him we’re done. He told me he was only joking and he didn’t mean it and that I’m perfect. I just don’t believe him. Am I being too sensitive?

Because I’ve now finished him, he’s trying to say I’m only breaking up with him because I’m going to a festival in 2 weeks and I want to be single for it. (Which is so untrue!) I don’t even want another relationship or even a fling after him.

I love him and I know it’ll be hard, especially after having our first baby 6 weeks ago. I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Thementalloadisreal · 03/09/2023 16:21

You tried to break up with him so his response was to try to impregnate you again?!

And then he tried to lower your self esteem by laughing at you.

You’re going to a festival 8 weeks post partem? Who is looking after the baby?

Can I ask how old are you both?

DrManhattan · 03/09/2023 16:21

Hes a prick. Why have a kid with him?

Shoxfordian · 03/09/2023 16:21

You’ve made the right choice in breaking up with him; he undermines you, doesn’t want sex with a condom, makes you feel bad about yourself. So many red flags here

DustyLee123 · 03/09/2023 16:22

He’s abusive, end it and kick him out.

Z1hun · 03/09/2023 16:23

Despite only having very little to go on, there are definite hallmarks of psychological and mental abuse by him here. I think it's probably a good idea to be well shot of him. X

SisterMichaelsHabit · 03/09/2023 16:24

Stop taking him back five minutes after telling him you're done over and over again.

Be done this time forever.

This man is not a keeper and is no support to you. And these arguments ending with breaking up with him constantly then taking him back straight after are no environment to raise a baby in.

JMSA · 03/09/2023 16:25

I really feel for you. He doesn't respect you and even now, probably fully expects you to take him back. Please be strong and don't let that happen. Good luck.

Duckingella · 03/09/2023 16:26

You both sound very young tbh;your ex boyfriend is an immature irresponsible dick;don't get back together with him.

Take some take for yourself;enjoy your baby and work out what you really want from a partner.

JMSA · 03/09/2023 16:26

DrManhattan · 03/09/2023 16:21

Hes a prick. Why have a kid with him?

Really fucking unhelpful.

misssunshine4040 · 03/09/2023 16:27

Keep him gone or you will be stuck in this cycle for ages.
It's toxic, he's abusive and manipulative.
He's knows what he's doing and has zero respect for you.

Keep him gone and enjoy your baby

FedUpMumof10YO · 03/09/2023 16:28

You've tried to end it 3 times today alone.

Do it and mean it. He's playing with you. Your words mean nothing. You threaten and don't see it through. How will he take you seriously?

I get it, I really do. I've been there & got the t-shirt. We split when DC was 3 months old. I understand how vulnerable you feel

  • financially, emotionally and physically. Not only from birth but from being with an abusive twit. Together to nearly 20 years. 20 years of being an absolute doormat. Don't be me.
YouBoggleMyMind · 03/09/2023 16:31

Leave. For good. For the sake of you and your child. He will never change and you are not too sensitive. He is abusive.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 03/09/2023 16:37

DrManhattan · 03/09/2023 16:21

Hes a prick. Why have a kid with him?

Why post pointless shite?

DrManhattan · 03/09/2023 16:42

@SisterMichaelsHabit the Op needs to look at herself and analyse why she thinks it's OK to be with someone who is such an arsehole. What is driving that behaviour to accept such low standards. If it stems from low self worth the Op needs to work out why and where it comes from.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2023 16:46

Op, you're a mother now, it's time to grow up. Keep him gone and figure out why you were ever in a relationship with a man child like this in the first place.

NewName122 · 03/09/2023 16:58

Bin him. Sounds very childish.

Octosaurus · 03/09/2023 17:02

He is awful and controlling and he's trying to ruin your self esteem!!!! OP get rid of this shitbag he's just paranoid because he knows he's a loser with no prospects

maddiemookins16mum · 03/09/2023 17:42

The thing is, you’re not going to end it with him whatever we say.

Precipice · 03/09/2023 17:49

OP, your partner: questions why you'd want a normal and non-invasive contraception choice just after you've had a baby, mocks and belittles you about how you look, and belittles you about why you want to break up with him instead of even trying to listen to your reasons.

he’s trying to say I’m only breaking up with him because I’m going to a festival in 2 weeks and I want to be single for it. Is this a person you want to be with? This is a dismissive attitude towards you. A caring partner who loved you well might want to know why you want to break up with him (what's making you unhappy) and consider whether it's something he can work on improving to keep you in his life. He's saying "haha, you just want to break it off with me so that you (who just had a baby!) can fuck around". What opinion of you is he displaying?

GodDammitCecil · 03/09/2023 17:56

(I’m not on contraception, as of yet, as I want to have a proper think and chat with dr about which would be best, as I’ve had a LOT of negative experiences on contraceptives and I’m considering using condoms as contraception.)

OP - please do sort this out before you even consider having a fling or getting into any sort of relationship with someone else.

I don’t understand why you’re with your ‘D’P at all, let alone why you’re questioning ending things with him. He sounds like a complete drop-kick.

Dump and move on.

Catsafterme · 03/09/2023 18:01

To me whats happened here is you've stood up for yourself and called out his behavior and that's hit a nerve. So, he's ramped it up trying to have sex with you and then refused to wear protection and when that failed, resorted to humiliating you.

Leave him, knock it on the head, he's a wrongun will only get worse.

JMSA · 03/09/2023 18:16

DrManhattan · 03/09/2023 16:42

@SisterMichaelsHabit the Op needs to look at herself and analyse why she thinks it's OK to be with someone who is such an arsehole. What is driving that behaviour to accept such low standards. If it stems from low self worth the Op needs to work out why and where it comes from.

No one would argue with you there. So just say that in the first place. Asking why she'd have a child with him - when the child is already here and no doubt loved - is pointless and unkind.

yellowsmileyface · 03/09/2023 18:20

He's emotionally abusive. It's very hard to leave men like that, because they know exactly what to say to stop you leaving.

Sounds like he's very good at manipulating you into giving things another try. You clearly don't want to be with him, but he just won't let you go. You need to realise that his words are meaningless. You've already said you don't believe him. Trust that instinct. Everything he's saying to convince you to stay is manipulation. He doesn't mean a word of it.

Sadly, pregnancy and the birth of a first child is one of the most common instigators for abusive behaviour. They keep the mask on until they feel they've trapped their partner. I'm willing to bet he guilts you and uses your baby as a reason why you should give him another chance.

But you've seen who he is and you need to take action. Who laughs at someone's outfit as a joke? What's the punchline exactly? He clearly wanted to devalue you and lower your self esteem. Things will only get worse. You need to leave him, and mean it. Be prepared that he'll say anything to get you back.

I would encourage you to contact Woman's Aid for support.

Balloonhearts · 03/09/2023 18:20

Good God woman get some self respect! Ditch the loser and jack up your standards a few notches.

This guy does nothing but trample your boundaries and try to knock your self esteem. Fuck him off, stop wasting your life with him. You want your kid to grow up thinking this is normal in a relationship? Fuck that.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 03/09/2023 18:35

Op. I agree with the other posters that he is disrespectful. All he seems to care about is condomless sex before you are ready. And then making nasty remarks about your appearance.
When you have just had a baby a partner should be kind and supportive. It doesn't sound like he is. Don't worry about your appearance based on what he says.

A simple pleasure like taking your new baby out for a walk on a sunny Sunday - isn't much to ask.

Have you got any family, or RL support? Talk to friends and family if you can.