I’m becoming tight with money, AIBU to ask how I reverse this?

[rorotheo]

I am being irrational and I know this deep down. I am slowly becoming tight with money. I buy cheaper alternatives and will go out my way for them when I don’t need to, always search for a discount code or a website that we can use our blue light on. You could say it’s frugal but I also don’t spend much on people’s birthday gifts and will go to card factory to buy a 50p card rather than one for £2 in a supermarket, so I think it’s bordering on becoming stingy.

I have around £500 left over after all essential bills. Some of that I like to try and save.

I could do with a new wardrobe for autumn as I had a clear out last year and nothing fits me now. It’s hard to find one garment for under £35 these days and that’s in places like H&M, Primark, Asda George… you can so easily spend £50 on a couple of items without even trying

We needed new bedding and a mattress protector and that was almost £100. I spent it but worried all the way home!

How can I worry less?

I know I watch too much of the news and I am very mindful that some people are really feeling the bite of the cost of living crisis. I donate to the food bank where I can (usually toiletries, packs of sanitary towels, gluten free & free from items)

We earn averagely but live within our means, don’t have any debt. I rarely use a credit card and only for big purchases and then pay it off straight away. We have never gone ‘without’ yet I worry constantly about a huge bill coming up, how we’ll afford a holiday in 5 years time, all that kind of stuff.

But what you're doing is perfectly sensible and wise. Why change?

Op how much saving do you have?

Saying all this this with 100 grand behind you, yes one may say its worrying uncessaarily, however if you have 2 grand saving then no it's not unnecessary.

Congratulations on your good sense. You are doing nothing wrong.

Many things might be sensible ab wiae until they become obsession.

Op, you might have to take step back from news and MN money threads. It will help calm down.

This doesn’t sound ‘tight’. Sounds like you’re understandably worried about the cost of living.

unless you’re well off in savings etc of course!

Do you have more money than you used to? Our household income has about doubled in the last five years and we have become very stingy, but are able to save a lot / nearly a grand a month. Some for specific things, most for ‘emergencies’. It is fear of having to go back to the days of really having next to no disposable income but I wish I could enjoy our improved circumstances without guilt!

Yes I do. I’ve never experienced not having enough, though. Sure there were days when I had less but I always had everything I needed growing up, and managed fine when I was just starting out. We do have more right now than we’ve had previously.

Sounds sensible OP. Unless you are buying poor quality and having to buy more often as a result, then carry on, put that £500 into savings every month.

Feeling rich or pooor is often a state of mind so it's impossible to call without more details.

Definitely don’t have a hundred grand saved or anything like!

They key is the worry. The stinginess is just the symptom of the worry. You’re not secure in your mind that you can weather financial storms. Maybe you can calculate an amount of savings you feel comfortable with, continue with this MO until you hit that amount and then relax a bit? There’s never any need to pay more for something you can get for less, but regularly going out of your way as you suggest is often penny wise and pound foolish.

(You’re also not making the best decisions: using a credit card with cash back or other perks AND PAYING IT OFF WHEN IT’S DUE will save/earn you a fair bit.)

I have always lived like this, I was raised in a very hard up household, immigrant arriving with a quid in their pocket type background. Personally I take great pleasure in saving money and due to my ways look forward to an early retirement with DH.

Allocate your leftover money into pots like savings, household, clothes and fun
eg
50% savings £250
10% household £50
10% clothes /shoes £50
10% holiday £50
10% Christmas & Birthdays £50
10% Fun stuff £50
Obviously this is just an example but it gives you an idea.

That way you know you have saved a good proportion each month and if you buy clothes etc it’s something you’ve already saved up for.
The allocating of money for fun stuff is really important. I could easily become very tight so I deliberately allocate money that I can go what the heck and spend it. Otherwise you’ll end up turning down going out with friends or taking the DC out.

I think more people should be like this. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I had huge amounts of debt. You are a kind person donating to food banks etc.

Not right at all op if you ask me

I earn well but I price check pretty much everything and always look for discount codes etc.

Life is getting v expensive so a card at £2 that sits on a mantle for a few days then goes into recycling baffles me.

I go to card factory and buy all the cards for the year for birthdays anniversaries etc etc because it's a lot cheaper.

I use Vinted a lot so less throwaway clothing and go for quality over quantity.

I've just bought a pair of winter boots for £150 new but have just sold a load of boots some worn some new on Vinted so my boots actually were only £50.

I'm clearing out my clothes later and listing also on Vinted and deepop as I have loads that don't fit or that I won't wear and will put the money in a pot and save in my emergency fund which just got battered by £1800 in two emergency bills.

Last year I bought everyone In our house onesies extra throws and hot water bottles and kept the thermostat as comfortably low as possible and it saved loads

For me the being stingy or tight isn't so much of a problem if it's only having an impact on you, it's if you're dragging other people into it.
I'm stingy in that I hate paying for car parking so I will park a bit further out to save money, but I wouldn't expect my 80-year old mother to walk that far with me.
Or if you're like those kind of CF people who will have a meal out with friends and expect to be subsidised.

I'm constantly shocked at how much people spend on takeaway coffees on a daily basis, and think it's a waste of money, but if I was out with a friend maybe once a month I'd treat myself to cake and a drink.

There's a lot of truth in the old saying about taking care of the pennies but no one likes a miser!

I agree with the previous posters, don't see anything wrong with most of what you've said. things like searching for a discount code or buying cheaper birthday cards that are literally exactly the same as supermarket ones for a quarter of the price cause no or minimum inconvenience or disadvantage to you and make sense. It's weirder to me when people don't do these things, like why pay extra for no perceivable benefit?

The only way I'd see it as an issue would be if you spent so much effort trying to save a few pennies you actually spent more (e.g. people driving around to save 0.1p off their petrol which actually costs them more) or genuinely stopped buying things you can afford and want/need, where saving money becomes more of a compulsion than enjoying life.

In which case could you try 'allocating' yourself a set amount of guilt free spending money every month, so you've still got the security of knowing you've got savings separate. Things like needed new clothes and blankets aren't frivolous luxuries, they are necessities. I agree that even cheapish places aren't particularly cheap anymore though - have you tried things like vinted or depop? I only buy stuff that's 'new with tags' so the quality should be fine, and you get things for a fraction of what they cost in the shops.

You need a balance. So the card example is good. Unless you are buying a lot at once is the £1.50 saving more than the cost of petrol, or bus fare or even wear and tear on shoes to get to another store.
Finding codes to use online and being able to use your blue light makes a lot more sense.

People are missing the bits like "bought pillows we needed and worried all the way home " and constant worry.

It's fine to be frugal, I ambut I certainly don't worry about buying pillows I needed.

OP I'm bit like this now, I think it's more a symptom of the world we live in. Some things are so expensive that you just can't justify the cost. Obviously if something needs replacing or the kids need something that's fine, but I rarely buy anything for myself these days.

I can’t recall ever judging someone on how much they spent on a birthday card. Do you leave the price on?

They all go in the bin after a week anyway, so if that’s bothering you, just send a text instead.

The rest sounds fine. It’s your money. Spend it how you like.

I was brought up in a household where every penny mattered. Working class parents who worked in a factory. Brought up mainly with jumble sale clothes (partly because my dm was sending money and gifts ‘home’ to her family).
I bought some steaks last week for £1.40, sausages for 80p, an organic chicken for £2.50, pasties for 65p. My clothes are generally from sales.
I get the guilt thing too, having to spend on bedding is still be looking for it at sale price, when I don’t need to. It’s like a habit 😳

@rorotheo it's an anonymous forum can't you say roughly?

“will go to card factory to buy a 50p card rather than one for £2 in a supermarket, so I think it’s bordering on becoming stingy. “

Think about that.

Would you start a thread, “AIBU to think all of you here on MN who go to Card Factory are stingy?”

Or would you know you’d get your arse handed back to you on a plate?

@TheAOEAztec

But if she's wiped out her savings to buy the pillows, yes... She is right to worry.