To consider not going to my nephew’s christening?

[Jaffaquake1]

Hi all,

My nephew (sister’s baby who I am close to) is having a christening in two weeks time. This was booked a while ago as my sister wants her baby to wear the same gown his brother did, and as he is a bigger she wants the christening to be sooner rather than later.

The only issue is that I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant at that time and will be travelling 3 hours to attend. My sister has said that I’m to be godparent (obviously I’m happy about this) but was a bit miffed when I queried why the christening couldn’t have been scheduled for later in the year (in hindsight I should have probably said nothing). She explained the dress situation which is fine, but I can’t help feeling anxious. I also realise that she has to go with the availability of the church.

I totally understand that this is her baby and she shouldn’t factor her life events to accommodate me, I get this, it’s not as if I want her to reschedule and wouldn’t dream of asking her this. I have told her that I’ll do my very best to attend and I of course intend to, but this is my first pregnancy and I have no idea how I’ll be feeling at that point. I’m feeling anxious that my baby might be early and I’ll end up giving birth hours away from home. For context the rest of my family live in the same place my sister does, but I want to be at home in my own surroundings.

My husband says I’m overreacting and that I should just wait and see how I’m feeling closer to the time, which I intend to anyway as I’d love to attend.

For context my pregnancy has been smooth (besides some horrific HG). I know I’m probably being silly but it keeps playing on my mind.

AINU to be hesitant to go? I’m considering asking my sister to have a back up god parent just in case but I don’t want to stress her out.

Honestly if I was given the privilege of being godparent I'd try my absolute best to be there. That being said, of course you don't have a crystal ball so a back up GP is practical.

First babies are more often late, also the labours are usually a lot longer than 3 hours. You will more than likely have plenty of time to get home once you’re in early labour if it should start while you’re there.

Your sister will obviously be aware of you’re in labour she will need an alternative.

I had to travel a similar distance at 38 weeks with my first for a funeral, the travel wasn’t the most comfortable but it was fine (Baby came 40+1).

The only thing you can do is see how you feel nearer the time.

Plenty of women are still commuting an hour at 38 weeks and doing a full days work, looking after other kids etc.
Obviously some women aren’t up for that but it doesn’t mean everyone is incapable. Car journey and sitting through a service doesn’t sound like that much to sit through really.

I think if it was my sister I would make every effort to attend. Do a leisurely drive up stopping a few times for a snack and a wee, do the christening an hour of the party and then head home and get into bed.

Considering you’re a godparent I don’t think you should leave it to the day to decide. She needs to figure out a back up plan. I think you need to tell her today whether you are going to be there or not.

It's completely understandable you're worried about this. See how your feel at the time. You are allowed to put yourself first at this time - particularly if you're nervous.

(It doesn't matter what "other women" are do or would do, this is you!)

Try and focus on making your sister feel loved and excitement about godparent duties. Rest will follow...

I would go, it’s likely to be fine and first babies often take a while to appear.

I just had my second baby, I was running a hen party at 37 weeks and went to the wedding as maid of honour at 38weeks. Both 2 hours from my home. My husband was with me for the wedding and we had hospital bag in the car etc with a plan if labour started. luckily baby came 38+5

Agree with @Favour237 . Two weeks will feel like forever by then.

Also you’ll have a great photo of you with a massive bump at a Christening. That’s one for a caption competition.

Look up the local maternity hospital, take your notes and hospital bag with you. But it should be absolutely fine.
If you have a check up at 37 weeks ish the midwives may be able to give you an idea of whether or not you’re likely to go into labour soon or not (based on changes to cervix that indicate labour is happening soon).

My first was 2 weeks early and labour was quite quick.Do what you are comfortable with . Don't be made to feel ridiculous for trying to make plans and sensible decisions.

I don't think I agree with the back up GP to ve honest.
I am not religious myself,but I was christened.
God parents are far more than just a person in a ceremony and your sister clearly wants you to be that person for her child, for life.
So rather than find a back up it's probably about speaking to the vicar to ensure even if you aren't there you are represented but still a godparent.
You could speak to vicar before and make the promises, you could even go down now and do it in person, and someone else could stand in for you in ceremony if necessary.

You don't know what will happen. I was put on bed rest at 36 weeks out of the blue with my second, they were going to keep me in if I didn't live close to the hospital. Or you could be perfectly fine and able to travel. I was induced and spent both my labour's in hospital on a ward so I think people put to much emphasis on their birth plan and being at home. As long as you have your notes and can get to a hospital you'll be fine

Thank you everyone for the replies. I think I’m probably just being overly cautious, I recognise what others have said about it being unlikely to go into labour and the importance of having my notes with me etc. I’ll plan on attending unless something drastic happens which is probably unlikely!

Kindly - you’re overthinking this one. Plan to go and go unless you feel too unwell on the day. Like anything else. If you make a big song and dance about it now and then feel too unwell on the day, it looks like you’ve been planning to get out of it all along, rather than just an (understandable at 38 weeks) unfortunate turn of events.

In the vast majority of cases, you would have ample time to get home again and then head to the hospital from home if signs of labour started.

I think you should be fine.

You aren't being overly cautious you are being sensible. This is a major life event for you and frankly your health and wellbeing trump a christening planned around a dress. I am sure the christening will be lovely etc etc but please feel ok about putting yourself first.

As a PP said, it's possible to still become a godparent without actually being at the christening, ask your sister if that's possible as a backup plan.

Someone can be a proxy godmother for you on the day if you don't make it.
As your family all live up there and it's a 3 hour drive can you go up the night before, stay in your home house, get a good rest, head to the Christening and drive home later.
When l was 38 weeks pregnant l had a family wedding more than 3 hours away but we were planning on staying the weekend. I asked my gynaecologist and he said no way was l to travel . As it was a sibling l decided to go with bag packed in the car for hospital but it was my third child so l wasn't as anxious. Made it home and baby arrived on exact due date.
Do whatever you are comfortable with as three hours in a car at that stage might be a bit uncomfortable.

All my babies have been born around 38 weeks and as I wanted home births I wouldn't have been keen to travel that far. I'd maybe see how you feel nearer the time and get advice from your midwife

Personally, I definitely wouldn't go so far away at 38 weeks so YANBU.

You can still absolutely go into labour early (regardless of what the average is, not ALL first babies come late, no-one on here knows which category you will fall into) and 3 hours away is much too far if this were to happen if you've planned for a specific type of birth. This is not even counting the huge discomfort a lot of women feel at or even before 8/9 months pregnant, everyone is different and it's a very personal decision.

If you do decide to go ahead I'd advise to take all your hospital bits with you just in case. The decision should be yours alone and what you feel most comfortable with, not ours. If your family are supportive they will understand if you choose not to go.

Three hours in a car was about my limit at that point. I'd say to your sister that you will do everything in your power to be there but that the baby may have other ideas!

I went to a wedding 2 hours away at 38 weeks pregnant. I brought my notes and hospital bag in the boot just in case. I was on crutches for SPD so sat down all the time. It was fine. DD was born on her due date. I went to a christening when one of my children was 5 weeks old & found that a lot harder, felt wrecked and the constant feeding

I missed my brother’s wedding because of people telling me I shouldn’t travel 1.5 hours the week before my baby was due . The baby was a week late and I still regret not going . Take your notes and hospital bag just in case and have a great time .

This. Both my children were 3 weeks early.

Ask your midwife for advice.

I had to turn down a close friends wedding which would have taken place 1wk before my due date , 250 miles from home. I was sad to miss it, especially as DS1 was a page boy. On the day of the wedding I had a 1wk old baby and sobbed most of the day as I was sad to miss out

Travel the night before so you are not doing a 3 hour journey on the day.
Bring your bag, notes etc.
Most of us work full time up to that point.

Everyone said this to me though and my baby suddenly appeared at 37 weeks and the total time of labour from waters breaking to my son being born was five hours!

Go and just make sure you lob your notes in the car, and have lots of rests if you need to.

Don’t miss it on the very unlikely chance you’ll go into labour. You almost certainly won’t.