To consider not going to my nephew’s christening?

[Jaffaquake1]

Hi all,

My nephew (sister’s baby who I am close to) is having a christening in two weeks time. This was booked a while ago as my sister wants her baby to wear the same gown his brother did, and as he is a bigger she wants the christening to be sooner rather than later.

The only issue is that I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant at that time and will be travelling 3 hours to attend. My sister has said that I’m to be godparent (obviously I’m happy about this) but was a bit miffed when I queried why the christening couldn’t have been scheduled for later in the year (in hindsight I should have probably said nothing). She explained the dress situation which is fine, but I can’t help feeling anxious. I also realise that she has to go with the availability of the church.

I totally understand that this is her baby and she shouldn’t factor her life events to accommodate me, I get this, it’s not as if I want her to reschedule and wouldn’t dream of asking her this. I have told her that I’ll do my very best to attend and I of course intend to, but this is my first pregnancy and I have no idea how I’ll be feeling at that point. I’m feeling anxious that my baby might be early and I’ll end up giving birth hours away from home. For context the rest of my family live in the same place my sister does, but I want to be at home in my own surroundings.

My husband says I’m overreacting and that I should just wait and see how I’m feeling closer to the time, which I intend to anyway as I’d love to attend.

For context my pregnancy has been smooth (besides some horrific HG). I know I’m probably being silly but it keeps playing on my mind.

AINU to be hesitant to go? I’m considering asking my sister to have a back up god parent just in case but I don’t want to stress her out.

I developed severe pre eclampsia at 38 weeks and needed an emergency c-section.
I had very little in terms of warning signs - my condition went from 0 to 100 in just a few hours. Both me and baby almost died.
There's no way I'd be travelling long distances so close to term as you never know what may happen.

See how you feel. I think it's a bit selfish on her part but it is really not worth falling out over. It is so much harder making up at a distance, as adults, with tiny people dominating your life and a load of hormones.

C of E does allow godparents by proxy if the godparent doesn't make the christening so no need to choose another godparent, you can still be one even if you don't make it. Just make sure the vicar is aware of this rule!

I wouldnt ask her to have a back up godparent in mind, that's up to her to think of an sort out if you go into labour beforehand and can't make it. I wouldn't stress it, if you ok at the time then go, if you're not then don't. Both mine came at 37 weeks so I wouldnt have had the choice.

With both my babies, my waters broke at 38-weeks (-1 and +1). Within 2/3 hours I was having strong contractions that needed my tens machine.

I would do what feels right to you. At 38-weeks you're technically full term. I would consider still going, but take everything you might need with you. I'm assuming your partner will drive and not touch a drop of alcohol.

Do what YOU feel comfortable with, but make sure your sister is aware that you might not make it even if you plan to come!

I wouldn't travel so far after 36 weeks (and I worked full time up to 39 weeks with my first).

YANBU. My first baby arrived at 38 weeks. My waters broke at home while doing the dishes and within 2 hours I was 10cm dilated and ready to push him out! Not the norm I know but don’t feel bad if you want to be cautious. I’m sure your sister wouldn’t want you to be anxious.

I would have been OK to go but as your dh said wait and see, why does it have to be a drama?

If you genuinely can't go at the time you cant

You aren't being overly cautious you are being sensible. This is a major life event for you and frankly your health and wellbeing trump a christening planned around a dress. I am sure the christening will be lovely etc etc but please feel ok about putting yourself first.

Agree!

It is definitely something to think about and you would want to be in a place that you know and are comfortable with when you do give birth (less stress for you).

First babies are not always late and things can change without notice in the upcoming weeks.

It really is dependent on your pregnancy leading up and if you think you will regret not going if you don’t go into labour at the time.

Also plan to take 4 hours not 3 because you’ll likely want a break or two on the drive. And absolutely your partner needs to drive and not touch any alcohol.

I suppose it all depends on how much of a disaster it would be if you had a baby away from home, balanced with how important it is to you being at the christening?

Everyone said to me 1st babys are always late with long labourers. My first was born bang on 37 weeks, i laboured for 45 minutes until i had a healthy baby in my arms.

So you are not being unreasonable questioning attending the christening. I don't believe anyone can tell you otherwise.

I declined to attend a wedding three hours away at 39 weeks OP.

DD arrived just as they were saying their vows!!!