DH has really triggered me

[hahavzv]

So I've come home after having the kids for the whole day and my husband decides that he needs to cut the grass and he got rid of my favourite rose bush that I've had in the garden ever since we bought the house. The flowers were so pretty and is something I would look forward to seeing in the summer.

His argument was that it was dead. But it was flowering so don't know what he has seen/thought.

The worst thing is he's been slacking in general when it comes to maintaining the house. I'm always the one painting or any diy things that need to be done in the house. He will never start it because simply out of being lazy. He does spend time out everyday and it kills me that he still can't help me out.

So when he got rid of that bush I absolutely got triggered. My thoughts were you touched the thing I never asked you to do but struggle to do the things I need help with.

I don't get it. Anyway rant over.

This. He was angry or teaching you a lesson so you won't ask him to do anything again. Triggered certainly isn't the right word here, but I'm guessing you're referring to that rush of anger and resentment and deep hurt that he can't do the smallest thing to support you and carry some of the load.

Try reading the other posts. It's not just me who thinks he did it deliberately. When you have experienced a certain type of person you get to see something that isn't that obvious to others.

That’s still not triggering.

As others have said- you don't seem to know what 'triggered' means at all- you got upset he pulled out a rose bush. Unless you've previously had abuse from a rise bush being removed or something similar it's not 'triggering' as that's a response to a similar previously abusive situation. Can you take some cuttings from the bush and replant them?

I’m pretty sure you could get a fabulously prolific bed of roses if you fertilize them with his body.

Right. Unless OP has some traumatic history with partners disposing of rose bushes unjustifiably.

@SheSaidHummingbird
I'd say she probably gets the message on that front by this stage

Does your DH know the difference between annuals and perennials?

Might he have ignorantly thought once its stopped flowering that you pull it out as you do with petunias and such to replace the following year?

Was the rose bush accessible to your little ones, somewhere they could hurt themselves on its thorns?

YABU.

He annoyed you, or you had an argument. This is not what “trigger” means.

Can’t people resolve basic arguments about cohabiting anymore without involving mental health words?

I think, like a lot of phrases, it seems to end up being used in a very general sense - a bit like the overuse of the word 'legend' or 'hero'.

Oh I hear you!! There is so much to do around the house and my DP either does the chore I am doing (drives me nuts) or does something mundane that has no real benefit to day to day life!!!

My DPs a hoarder so will “tidy” the small stuff I have instead of dealing with all his crap and it makes me see red!! It is 100% weaponised incompetence- appearing to help but not really then sulking if we say WTF!!

How does being a hilariously hopeless gardener make him a shit husband?

He's everything I could ask for in a man, but he's shit at gardening and understandably has lazy weekends after his 60+ hour work weeks.
Seriously giraffe, next you'd be saying that's grounds for divorce!

🙄🙄🙄 I don't find any of that funny, @CarasMama

That your h is so aggressive at mowing that he would seriously damage a rose bush, or that he would get so angry at being scratched that he would uproot the bush? Neither of those things is normal. I suggest you raise your bar a little.

How would you feel if your h had damaged your favourite plant while amazingly managing not to feature any of his own?

It's a form of weaponised incompetence, done deliberately to hurt your partner and ensure they never ask you to do anything again.

@hahavzv , I'm sorry your h has been so horrible. You need to tell him how you feel, and he should buy you a new rose bush and plant it to try and make up for his mistake.

It also sounds like things need to change going forward. He needs to start doing his share of housework and childcare. That's only fair.

Sending 💐

Was the rose bush accessible to your little ones, somewhere they could hurt themselves on its thorns?

Stop making excuses for him,@Chiccaletta 🙄

I think a lot of people are feeling many things.

Trigger, from what I know, means to set something off. So the word 'triggered' could mean different to what others would think.

Regarding my post, I think she genuinely thought it was dying and that it needed to go. But all I expected was for him to just discuss it since I do all the planting and the small gardening bits.

Didn't expect the reaction I got here 😆

Thank you everyone. 🙏🏼 I feel less angry than i was yesterday

This was my best response 😂

Why? What’s going to happen?

Tell him to replant the rose or take cuttings from it. Google is your friend here. Or rather his.

Although you never plant a rose in exactly the same place twice.

You won't be taken seriously?

Obviously not, based on this thread. People love to point out a mistake. But the poster I responded to seems to hint at harm or offence that the op may cause, which is just absurd.

In any case, it was clear to me that the op had confused the very specific and relatively recent phrase ‘being triggered’ with the long-standing dictionary meaning of trigger which can apply to any emotion or consequence. I understood what she meant.

Thread is over giraffe, be quiet and stop attacking me

@CarasMama
Nobody is attacking you. They are questioning whether you having a violent husband puts you in a good position to offer OP advice.

And yes, I think ripping a plant out of the ground in a fit of temper is an act of violence. Its a living thing, and in a way I find it just as shocking as kicking a dog. What right do you have to destroy a living body for no reason other than anger?