To say that life really is just one hard slog and then you die?

[Nowanextraone]

Anyone else feel like this??

I worked full time, in order to pay extortnate rent (£1500) on a tiny house that I'm not often in because I work full time 🙄 I have to pay ridiculous energy and fuel prices. I don't get anything nice from working so hard, it's basically for survival. When I'm not at work I am running kids round to various hobbies.

I'm really bloody miserable.

Life is really tough isn't it?

Cut down on the children's activities. You're gaining a specialism for free with the NHS and then going into well paid private work which sounds like a lucky position to be in.

Unfortunately yes, it seems all the upwards mobility of our parents generation has been swept away and unless you're born to wealth, you are indeed living to work.

Try and fit in some fun where you can, before It's too late

Life does not have to be that way.

To start with if we had avoided the self-inflicted lunacy of voting in the Tories and then voting for Brexit we would be in a better situation...

A lot of the cost of living crisis is due to profiteering by private companies and a government that has no interest in people's general well-being, only in making themselves and their mates richer.

How true. I can remember being so utterly exhausted as a young mum I'd often cry with tiredness after my kids were in bed. I had a full time job and a husband who worked away all week. I know it sounds strange but I look back on those days with fondness and would give anything to relive them!
This too shall pass.

It's ups and downs for most people, most of the time. You make the most of thr good times and do whatever you can to make the bad times more bearable. A close friend of mine is having end of life care, I'm sure she'd do anything to have a few more years, even if it's been a slog at times. She knew nothing was wrong until 4 months ago. It's all a matter of perspective.

Do you have kids? I can confirm that I didn't "pop out" my children, they took a reasonable amount of effort to gain.

But also, it absolutely should not be the case that having children makes life so expensive as to be unaffordable. This is precisely the point - children should not be expensive. People are mad that the cost of living makes everything so unreachable, including basic things like having a house to rent and having children.

In comparison to other generations, I don’t feel life is ‘more’ difficult. We have a better quality of life now.

We work long hours, and I do get tired out. I try hard to include relaxation and self care into my life. Some days I feel knackered, others we enjoy immensely. I have a serious autoimmune disease so this holds me back, but overall I have a happy life.

The biggest issue I find is the expectation some people have that their lives should be effortless and smooth. The entitlement to always be ‘happy’ is unhealthy and unattainable, life can be cruel, ruthless and inexplicable. It can also be joyous, enchanting and rewarding.

It's hard op

Hard work and long hours are no longer rewarded

Much higher than average wages go absolutely no where these days

Rent is a fucking extortionate joke and mortgages are no better in a lot of cases now the rates have gone up so much

Food and bills are a rip off too. Feels like every big business is out to extract as much money from people as humanly possible and they've now realised they can and that people will find a way to pay for it (you have to when it's food and petrol etc) And I don't buy into any of the excuses they make for rising costs

No advice really but always remember that your children need you and you are clearly doing your absolute best for them 💐

Also anyone who has said people should not have kids if they cant afford them needs to give their head a wobble. op works ft in a professional job . that should be more than enough to afford have a family it's not her fault that the way things are now make it so difficult

"But also, it absolutely should not be the case that having children makes life so expensive as to be unaffordable. This is precisely the point - children should not be expensive. People are mad that the cost of living makes everything so unreachable, including basic things like having a house to rent and having children"

This exactly @AmazingSnakeHead

👏🏻

I understand @Nowanextraone sometimes it feels really hard.

Hang in there, I hope it brightens soon.

I've had good years and bad.

Totally feel this way. I've got rubbish health and therefore on the same income for the foreseeable future while everyone else blossoms.

It doesn't feel like a fun life and more just about survival. Regardless of your position in life, try and take the small things for granted. You are allowed to feel injustice and shit even if you are earning more then others. Really pisses me off when people say "you are lucky", you aren't feeling particularly lucky and don't need to justify it.

I hope things look up for you OP.

Don't be ridiculous!

Life and its events get in the way, divorce, job loss, ill health, death even!

The OP will also be paying an extraordinary amount of debt back too as the Govt freezes thresholds and increases the amount of time loans are to be paid, i know AHPs who take home no more now after recent pay rise because of this and higher pension payments.

Assuming she is mid band 6, £1500 will be way over half her take home pay and as for moving, that would mean expensive parts of the UK don't get to have NHS staff?

How about we stopped paying CEOs millions and paid NHS a bit more instead? why should anyone work FT to be poor?

it absolutely should not be the case that having children makes life so expensive as to be unaffordable Exactly right.

Having a basic home and kids should be achievable. If this is not the case, the government should be trying to move the country in that direction. We shouldn't accept the backwards slide the Tories have gifted us.

Sorry but I'm quite philosophical about Life.

What do you think it should be like? Why?
You are incredibly lucky not to be literally surviving as in going out every day trying to find something to eat, starving to death if you fail.

Millions of people would swap with you in a heartbeat.

If you are dissatisfied with your life I suspect you would be no matter what your circumstances.

She works full time. What else do you expect her to do?
Don't be so judgemental.

Better than not working isn't it.

I agree, don't even have kids. Out the door before 6.30AM most mornings, back at around 7.30PM. Constantly exhausted, money just goes on boring stuff. I hate my life.

My life has been utterly horrific at times, grew up in an abusive household, father died when I was a child, fled DV as an adult and struggled with mental and physical health...

But it's only now I'm in my late 30s I can appreciate that life is a gift. Ok I can't have kids so don't have that expense but that rent makes my eyes water!

May be extreme but if life is so bad could you consider a move elsewhere? Your job is transferable (I'm NHS too) and im paying £652 a month for a mortgage on a 3 bed semi in a nice area with front and back gardens and a driveway... that's just me alone with no partner

That's a massive assumption. I am actually paying for it!

I hear what you’re saying OP.

I’ve been working 7am - 7pm for the past 18 months and it’s a killer (I wfh so no travel in that thank goodness) and also helping to care for a dying sibling but I try hard to see the small wins and joys. I know it’ll sound trite but things I do that bring me hope:

Have a bird feeder. I feel like a ‘chosen one’ when the song birds come to me garden! And they are so pretty / sing so prettily.

Plant bulbs in the late autumn / early winter. ‘To garden is to believe in tomorrow’. And it’s brilliant when they start poking through the soil.

Go for walks. Listen to more birds! I use the Merlin Bird ID app.

Hot baths with any old bubble bath plus Epsom Salts. Absolute bliss.

Exercise. I know this can be hard with small kids and FT work but I’ve recently lost 2.5 stone by calorie counting but also found a load of You Tube work out tutorials as I felt too fat and out of shape to go to the gym. 30 mins 3 - 5 times a week really helped with fitness and my mood. Massively my mood. I have joined a gym since but if money was tight, I’d be cool with the online classes. Bought some weights / kettlebells.

Meet friends / share batshit memes that make us belly laugh!

Drink wine.

You might think all the above are total bollocks and that’s fine. Just sharing the small wins and empathising that life can be tough.

I know what you mean, although I’m paid well and I realise I wouldn’t afford the nice things at the weekend if I wasn’t slogging away all week. I’m really grateful for that, but generally life does just seem a bit pointless.

I spend all week at work, 10 hours commuting (so there’s basically a full day gone), run around after my child, try my best to keep the house clean, get moaned at by my neighbour for not doing the garden, see family, friends, etc. I’m exhausted by it all. And I’ll do all this and then eventually die. It’s a bizarre way to live when you think about it.

Things are so much worse now for young mothers than when I had my children.

Childcare was always expensive, but tax credits were generous and there were a number of council schemes for lower/middle paid workers. Rent was reasonable and mortgages were easy to get (you would even be encouraged to fudge some numbers by brokers) and interest rates low.

One thing I've noticed recently is how much less child-friendly public spaces have become over the last 20 years. There was family dining restaurants with soft play areas, more interesting playparks, more toyshops, free kids activity days. All of that seems to have significantly diminished.

Motherhood can be expensive and isolating at the best of times, but it seems to have turned into increasing drudgery.

If you work for the NHS why couldn’t you move to a cheaper part of the country?
Friends of mine, both NHS workers, did exactly this & were able to buy a modest house & both work part time. They DGAIF about material stuff, though, and admit that they couldn’t afford nice cars, expensive holidays, designer clothes etc etc. That’s the deal they made and they are very happy with it.

In answer to your question, no.
Life is fun, it's an adventure and the fun is what you make it of it with the people you share it with.

I'm answering in good faith as you asked a question.
If however the thread is actually a 'woe is me, misery lives can company etc' then meh, I feel sorry for you but I'll leave you to it.

I agree my H is older (early 50s to my early 40s) and had a family in the 90s. His DC mum did not work at all while the dc were under 10. They had a council house but then they bought a small house in the mid 90s for about £30k. I think he used to be a warehouse worker. They got tax credits and managed okay not rich but did not go without

It sounds idyllic tbh 😩😩 we got together 2008 so right at the start of things going to ratshit although we have managed to buy a house we've always both had to work all the hours. We actually have 5 jobs between us and this is not an exaggeration