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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel bad I can’t babysit because I’m sick

42 replies

Onthebrinkk · 02/09/2023 07:57

I have a family member who i help out with childcare. This is usually on the weekend a day every other week or so. I work 40 hours during the week so I have weekends off. I’m a single mum.

Anyway I was due to watch both her children who are very high energy and usually need to be taken out and about today. However yesterday I felt like I was coming down with something and I let her know. At first she was nice about it but called first thing this morning asking if i’m watching them or not. I feel really really ill burning up, shivers, sinuses are hurting so i text back saying I can’t and i’m sorry. To this she was really standoffish.

I feel awful guilt as she has no one else to help with her children, she has rescued me before when I had childcare emergencies but when she was sick before I had to make other arrangements. I feel so guilty that she will lose money or worse her job. But I cant do 10 hours of childcare.

OP posts:
ellesbellesxxx · 02/09/2023 08:03

That’s very kind of you to do so much childcare! If you are ill it’s completely understandable that you can’t look after her children. Feel better

Mrsjayy · 02/09/2023 08:06

She's put out its fine though you are not responsible for her reactions, you are ill and can't do it I'm sure she will be in a better mood next baby sitting day.

Hiddenvoice · 02/09/2023 08:07

It can’t be helped. It seems like you do a lot for her whilst also working long hours. You may be burnt out and need a bit of a rest.

Try take it easy this weekend and look after yourself. She will need to sort someone else but will no doubt come back to you in a couple of weeks.

Mmhmmn · 02/09/2023 08:14

You didn't ask to be unwell! Sorry you've not had a sympathetic response, that's disappointing. They are her children though and you sound like you certainly do your bit. Nothing to feel guilty about. Rest up and hope you feel better soon.

Sunshineclouds11 · 02/09/2023 08:19

She's just miffed her childcare's fell through.
Wouldn't say it's at you personally.
Hope you feel better soon.

witmum · 02/09/2023 08:21

She may just have been standoffish as she was trying to think of another plan.

Get well soon xx

ButterRoad · 02/09/2023 08:22

She’s the one who should be feeling guilty if she made you feel guilty for being ill! Is this an arrangement you are happy with? It sounds like a huge commitment to me, if you’re a single parent who works a 40-hour week. When do you get to have downtime with your own children? I think helping out in a childcare emergency is different to commuting to a fortnightly full day with children you need to amuse.

jallopeno · 02/09/2023 08:23

In what way was she stand offish?
"Oh that's a shame thanks for letting me know get well soon" is a reasonable response.

jallopeno · 02/09/2023 08:24

I think with texts sometimes if you're anticipating a negative response it can come across negative even if it wasn't. Was it really standoffish

Jeschara · 02/09/2023 08:24

Stop feeling guilty you are ill. She needs to re evaluate her attitude. Remember, she is the lucky one and you are doing her a favour. Hope you feel better soon.

Original poster
Onthebrinkk · 02/09/2023 08:26

she just replied with ok

Then i text said i’m really sorry but I’m burning up, she just replied saying she doesn’t know what she will do now as she’s due at work in a few hours. No hope you feel better soon etc

OP posts:
andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 02/09/2023 08:28

Just ignore her and go and get some rest.

I can't believe you do ten hours of childcare for her at weekends! Does she pay you? I suspect not 😬

jallopeno · 02/09/2023 08:32

Onthebrinkk · 02/09/2023 08:26

she just replied with ok

Then i text said i’m really sorry but I’m burning up, she just replied saying she doesn’t know what she will do now as she’s due at work in a few hours. No hope you feel better soon etc

I see. I expect she is stressed.

Tbh I think it might have been better if you'd said yesterday that you couldn't so she had a bit more time. But you haven't done anything wrong.

She'll just have to ask for unpaid leave

WinterWhiteWoes · 02/09/2023 08:35

You can’t help being ill and you did let her know yesterday, so it shouldn’t be a surprise to her.

How old are the DC?

ButterRoad · 02/09/2023 08:38

Onthebrinkk · 02/09/2023 08:26

she just replied with ok

Then i text said i’m really sorry but I’m burning up, she just replied saying she doesn’t know what she will do now as she’s due at work in a few hours. No hope you feel better soon etc

I’m sure she is stressed, but she needs to have backups in place for this kind of thing, especially if she’s relying on a family member’s goodwill as regularly as this. I absolutely appreciate the stress of finding childcare, especially at times when a lot of childcare options are closed, but this isn’t the OP’s fault.

Womencanlift · 02/09/2023 08:41

To be fair I think she was probably thinking more about childcare and her job in that moment rather than thinking about asking if you were ok. So for that you are being unreasonable

Not unreasonable to say you can’t do it as you may pass on whatever you have to the kids

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 02/09/2023 08:46

You're doing her a favour in keeping yourself away from her children and preventing yourself with infecting them with whatever you have.

She'd be more pissed off if she had to miss multiple days of work because her kids were sick and needed looking after.

Rest up and don't let it worry you.

Teapleasebobb · 02/09/2023 08:55

Hope you feel better soon op.
Yeah it sounds like she's just stressed at that fact that she has to find childcare.
So do you look after her dcs for a whole day at the weekends and is this so she can go to work? is this every weekend? Does she ever look after your dc?

Original poster
Onthebrinkk · 02/09/2023 09:00

Yeah I usually watch her kids on a Saturday, probably twice a month so she can go to work, she usually work 1 or two days a week. I will have them usually all day. She would have mine if I asked but I don’t tend to ask unless i’m desperate.

I don’t mind helping her when I can but I do feel a bit resentful that I will work all week & have her kids. She can’t afford to give me money to take them out so my kids don’t miss out i will pay for hers. I’ve watched her kids when my kids were away and I get a break. Thank you so much for your wishes, i’m waiting on a deliveroo full of medicine and bribing my toddler with biscuits right now

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 02/09/2023 09:02

This isn’t babysitting, this is childcare. I can’t believe you do ten hours of unpaid childcare a week in top of a 40 hour a week job. I think that’s crazy and she sounds ungrateful!

Teapleasebobb · 02/09/2023 09:03

Are you her only source of childcare op? Are you happy with the arrangement? It doesn't sound like you get much time for yourself.

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 02/09/2023 09:03

You need to start saying no!

continentallentil · 02/09/2023 09:06

Her react too doesn’t mean you are unreasonable. Of course you aren’t.

That’s an awful lot to be doing for someone OP. I would be concerned you will burn yourself out.

Original poster
Onthebrinkk · 02/09/2023 09:07

Its true it is childcare. She literally has no one else to watch them. No family nearby, probably a couple of friends but thats it. I try to help where I can because I know what its like but really you can’t work a job at weekends without solid childcare

OP posts:
continentallentil · 02/09/2023 09:10

I think you need to draw this to a close OP.

She needs to get a job during the week when the kids are at school or nursery.

This really is taking the piss. And it’s impacting on your kids because it’s sucking your energy.

The easiest thing might be to develop a health condition whereby your GP strictly instructs you you need to take weekends off.

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