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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel bad I can’t babysit because I’m sick

42 replies

Onthebrinkk · 02/09/2023 07:57

I have a family member who i help out with childcare. This is usually on the weekend a day every other week or so. I work 40 hours during the week so I have weekends off. I’m a single mum.

Anyway I was due to watch both her children who are very high energy and usually need to be taken out and about today. However yesterday I felt like I was coming down with something and I let her know. At first she was nice about it but called first thing this morning asking if i’m watching them or not. I feel really really ill burning up, shivers, sinuses are hurting so i text back saying I can’t and i’m sorry. To this she was really standoffish.

I feel awful guilt as she has no one else to help with her children, she has rescued me before when I had childcare emergencies but when she was sick before I had to make other arrangements. I feel so guilty that she will lose money or worse her job. But I cant do 10 hours of childcare.

OP posts:
OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 02/09/2023 09:11

How close a family member? Sister is different to cousin.

And how old are all the children - her’s and yours?

This might be a good time to discuss this going forward, the odd occasion when other childcare falls through but not once a fortnight, you need time with your kids, especially if they are spending some time with their dad as well. When they are away you need that downtime - single parenting it tough and you need some child free time to meet with friends, do a hobby, or even just do the household tasks that are impossible with children in tow!

NerrSnerr · 02/09/2023 09:11

How old are her children? If she can't afford to pay for childcare she needs a new job in the week where more affordable childcare is available. She's taking you for a massive mug.

Shinyandnew1 · 02/09/2023 09:11

Onthebrinkk · 02/09/2023 09:07

Its true it is childcare. She literally has no one else to watch them. No family nearby, probably a couple of friends but thats it. I try to help where I can because I know what its like but really you can’t work a job at weekends without solid childcare

That really isn’t your problem-millions of people need childcare. They pay for it.

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 02/09/2023 09:11

Onthebrinkk · 02/09/2023 09:07

Its true it is childcare. She literally has no one else to watch them. No family nearby, probably a couple of friends but thats it. I try to help where I can because I know what its like but really you can’t work a job at weekends without solid childcare

But in the nicest way, it's not your responsibility to be her childcare - especially when there's nothing in it for you.

She needs to find paid childcare or change her job.

Original poster
Onthebrinkk · 02/09/2023 09:14

My kids are 13 and 3. Hers are 11 and 4. My eldest would happily help out with my toddler and has just given him breakfast. Her children like i said are very high energy, they fight, run around constantly, you can’t take them out to restaurants. They are just a lot

OP posts:
SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 02/09/2023 09:14

Oh really sounds like you need to knock it on the head.

EdieLedwell · 02/09/2023 09:15

Does she pay you Op? That's a serious favour if not.

As my old mother would say "if you're too good you're no good"

EdieLedwell · 02/09/2023 09:17

Also, if she's a family member can't she ask another family member?

Original poster
Onthebrinkk · 02/09/2023 09:17

She doesn’t pay me, like i said if i asked her to watch my kids she would happily. She’s not selfish so thats why i feel more inclined to help her. She never asks to go out partying every weekend its work.

OP posts:
MrsMous · 02/09/2023 09:17

You sound like me - and I have Covid. Surely she doesn’t want you to have Covid and be babysitting!?!

sanityisamyth · 02/09/2023 09:18

Onthebrinkk · 02/09/2023 09:14

My kids are 13 and 3. Hers are 11 and 4. My eldest would happily help out with my toddler and has just given him breakfast. Her children like i said are very high energy, they fight, run around constantly, you can’t take them out to restaurants. They are just a lot

Why can't she get a job whilst they're at school? She's massively taking advantage of you and you need to start saying no and putting your children and you first.

jallopeno · 02/09/2023 09:19

She needs to start paying for childcare. She taking the piss

foolishone · 02/09/2023 09:20

You can't help being unwell and this could happen with a paid babysitter/nanny/childminder too.
I get she's worried about work but it's not your fault. She's incredibly lucky she has you at all!

Shinyandnew1 · 02/09/2023 10:13

She’s not selfish

She is selfish. She’s got you doing hours of unpaid childcare at the weekends after a full week of work and when there’s an occasion you can’t do because you’re ill, she says she doesn’t know what she’s going to do and doesn’t even ask how you are?!

If that’s what your friends are like, who needs enemies!

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/09/2023 10:14

You are a very nice person. You can’t help being ill. no need for guilt at all.

Ella31 · 02/09/2023 10:27

I'm probably being unfair but in a couple of days I'd take it up with her regarding her reaction to you, I get it that she was put out and had no other option but you are doing a massive favour for her unpaid. I'd make it clear, you were hurt by her response. Only because I could forsee in the future her using "you are sick again" against you

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 02/09/2023 10:33

Onthebrinkk · 02/09/2023 09:17

She doesn’t pay me, like i said if i asked her to watch my kids she would happily. She’s not selfish so thats why i feel more inclined to help her. She never asks to go out partying every weekend its work.

Of course she's selfish.

She expects you to give up ten hours of your weekend for free so she doesn't have to pay for childcare.

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