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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for judging friend's parenting

72 replies

whatjusthappenedd · 02/09/2023 07:53

I ran into an old friend a few days ago. She was sat with her baby sharing a slushie and plain pancake from a dessert place. Baby is 9/10 months old based on the month she told me she gave birth. The baby kept drinking from the straw and wanting more. Now... I really don't want to be judgemental of other mums' parenting decisions, but I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Bear in mind these franchised dessert places' products are usually filled with not only sugar but tons of other crap. AIBU? Is this normal?!

OP posts:
pictoosh · 02/09/2023 09:22

Why do you care?
I'm not being flippant or sarky in asking that...it's a genuine ask. Why do you care?

I might have noted the slushy supping but I wouldn't have given it any further thought...not my baby.

continentallentil · 02/09/2023 09:26

It’s not ideal of course, but it could be a one off or she’s had a sleepless night and feels like shit, or is just generally down - in which case a walk with the baby and a sugary snack is a way for them to have a nice time and her to feel better.

So yep, YABU, and also unimaginative

continentallentil · 02/09/2023 09:27

Also - she isn’t your friend, she’s a vague acquaintance. So you have no idea what her parenting is like overall.

ladyvimes · 02/09/2023 09:28

Pancake fine. Slushie - not exactly a regular food and a few sips of one is not going to do any harm! Don’t be so dramatic!

FromEden · 02/09/2023 09:28

I wouldn't get worked up about it tbh. And I was all like 'my child will never have processed food and junk' etc when she was born. Lasted until about 2, and now she's 11 and let's just say that's gone out the window (in moderation obv) Live and let live I say.

pictoosh · 02/09/2023 09:30

Perhaps you felt a glow of self-congratulation as you observed them, telling yourself that you, a more conscientious mother, wouldn't do the same. Perhaps you wanted to extend that feeling by posting about it on here and being told you're right.
I can't imagine why else you'd give a toss.

EatYourVegetables · 02/09/2023 09:31

A crepe style pancake is egg, flour, milk. Literally the only ingredients. Which one of them is so bad for a 10mo old that you felt the urge to start a forum discussion about it?

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 02/09/2023 09:31

Perhaps you should go get your eyes tested? What a nasty post.

hylian · 02/09/2023 09:35

This is really not something I would worry about or even notice tbh.

When so many children are actually being neglected or mistreated, a parent giving a kid some slushy is really not a concern. Sure, it's not ideal, I wouldn't give it to mine, but not everyone has the same privilege, knowledge and understanding.

'Good enough' parenting is a thing.

JaiynDough · 02/09/2023 09:35

I wouldn't worry. I once saw an ex bf's cousin give her toddler a KFC kids meal for breakfast, a McDonald's happy meal for lunch and a kebab shop kids meal for dinner.

LifeIsShambolic · 02/09/2023 09:36

It was a few sips of a slushy, get over yourself!

2023ilu · 02/09/2023 09:45

OP. 1/3 of voters agree that that you’re not being unreasonable about having judgmental thoughts (not acts) about it. Bear in mind mumsnet is a whole other world, so I’d take that voting as high agreement, meaning - you do not need to “get over yourself” or “find a hobby”.

I have a ton of mum friends. All VERY relaxed, non-judgemental and - surprise- with a lot of hobbies. All have days where healthy foods are not a top priority but I can assure you none of them would ever give their 9 month old a slushie for lunch.

I understand your post. Now you know it’s a reality and that will probably help you not care when you see something similar. Simple.

PoshPineapple · 02/09/2023 09:56

Now... I really don't want to be judgemental of other mums' parenting decisions

But you're on here doing precisely that!

Starlightandsandytoes · 02/09/2023 09:59

Pancake non issue. Slushy far from
ideal, there was a warning issued recently about the potential dangers of one of the additives to under 10s and advice that under fours shouldn’t be drinking them. She’s likely not aware of it though, I wasn’t until a friend mentioned it. I think it’s very normal to silently judge other people’s parenting and anyone who says they don’t is lying.

Gameofmoans81 · 02/09/2023 10:12

You’re going to get loads of people here saying you’re judging/mind your own business/ it’s not a big issue etc etc but you’re right, a slushy or any sugary drink or food is absolutely not ok for a kid. I don’t know why people on MN are always on the defensive about stuff like this rather than just admitting it’s wrong. I worked in a school once where every kid in the class apart from about two had completely black or missing front teeth because their parents thought it was ok to give them sugary drinks. It’s just a lack of awareness or living in denial like a lot of people here do. Yeah one bit of slushy is not going to hurt but she’s building the foundations of her babies taste preferences right now and she’s gonna give her a very sweet tooth that she might later regret!

Ilinaya · 02/09/2023 10:23

I think it's actually really sad that judgemental mums exist in this way. It's what makes everyone so paranoid and worried about what people think. If I saw a baby sitting with its mum in a cafe having a bit of her pancake and some slushy I'd just briefly think, aww cute. I cant imagine my DH or his friends ever 'judging' someone for giving their baby a slushy, they'd just laugh or not even notice. Women can be so cruel to each other.

Ilinaya · 02/09/2023 10:24

And before someone jumps on me, I don't mean it's cute to give a baby a slushy, just that seeing a small baby sitting with its mum out and about enjoying life is just a nice thing to see. I wouldn't be analysing what they were having.

Jevwaypock · 02/09/2023 10:33

She probably just wanted her baby to be quiet whilst she was talking to you, incase you judged her for having a whiney baby 😂

Gameofmoans81 · 02/09/2023 10:38

I think the people giving you a hard time are doing it more the fact you bothered making a MN thread about it, everyone hopefully knows giving babies sugar is not cool, you are right about that.

Teder · 02/09/2023 14:04

YABU.

Meh as a one-off, I wouldn’t pass judgement. If I knew someone was regularly giving their baby a slushie, I would probably gently mention it. I’d hope a friend or family member would do the same for me if I was making questionable parenting choices.

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/09/2023 14:09

Judge not lest etc

Not ideal but it’s a one off snapshot. Unless you know she’s doing it every day I couldn’t get overly excited about this.

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