How to stop the sheer GLUTTONY

[Tonightsthenight91]

I will start by saying I have adhd so I don’t know if this is at play here. But I am absolutely sick to death of myself.

I am getting really sick and tired of my consuming and my spending. It is making me really fed up and I’m just tired of living like this. If I’m not spending money, I’m eating. Every aspect of my life seems to be consumerism and - if I’m honest - greed.

examples:

• Constantly spending money. Whether it’s large amounts or smaller amounts every day I’m buying buying buying. Anything from meals out (every single day) to clothes or crap on amazon that I don’t need

• my daughters birthday is coming up, last night I wrapped her gifts, I’ve bought upwards of 20 gifts at around £20-£40 per gift. she’s 5. I know she’ll love and appreciate everything but just so unnecessary

• My eating habits are ridiculous, I can’t seem to say no to a snack or meal. I eat out every single day. Sometimes twice a day (lunch and dinner or breakfast and dinner). It also wouldn’t be “once in a blue moon” for me to eat out 3 times a day. My weight is increasing rapidly. I never make healthy choices.

• I love a nice bottle of wine and find over the summer break I’m having a couple of glasses every single night which also doesn’t help my weight or health.

• My water consumption is on 0 and I just love fizzy drinks. I think it’s a sensory thing because even champagne/Prosecco, sparkling water etc would all normally be preferred over a still drink. But I drink coke like it’s water.

• I spend money as fast as I make it and nearly collapsed when I looked at my bank statements (something I avoid) and saw how much money I spend each month!! I don’t save because I think what’s the point what am I even saving for. I just throw money away constantly and don’t know how to change that as the thought of living frugally seems overwhelming to me.

• I don’t exercise or walk anywhere. I drive absolutely everywhere. Even the corner shop! Obviously I spend a lot of money on fuel doing this and average about 15k miles per year or more. I love driving, I love my car and walking bores the life out of me and I get aggy thinking about all the time I could be saving if I’d have just drove.

• finally media consumption, I just always have to be “consuming” either tiktok, netflix or another subscription service, Instagram, WhatsApp. hell even mumsnet. I have major anxiety if my phone isn’t in my hand or in arms length to me. And have noticed I get frantic if I can’t see my phone. I never “switch off” from consuming. This doesn’t affect my kids before anyone asks because one of the only good things about adhd is i can multitask and they do get my attention constantly too.

ideally, I want to save money, lose weight, eat healthier, and be more present. I just can’t seem to find the desire to do that at all. I just feel like what’s the point I’ll just live life the most convenient way possible.

I’m looking for someone to come along and shock me into wanting to make these changes as I genuinely don’t see me wanting to make any based off my own annoyance. I just can’t be bothered if I’m honest and it’s a little depressing that I feel this way. (Described by everyone else as determined, headstrong, outgoing, always on the go, whereas I feel lazy, weak, boring and busy!) thanks if you got this far!

Well done for realising there is a problem. Do you have ADHD? Spending for the instant gratification?

Why don't you put away some of the presents for Xmas.

Set small challenges. Start only allowing yourself to eat out twice a week, then once. Then never, unless an occasion.

Try focus on self improvement, sort your eating habits out, cut out the crap and eat more salad. Replace the fizzy with soda water topped up with squash if you need the fizzy fix, your coke consumption is dangerous.

Think about getting better for your child, to set the example you want for her.

Write down who you want to be, and how you will get there. You can do this. Speak to GP if you need to!

If you're an obsessive type, you need to become obsessive about healthier habits, staet by making small changes, eg. if you find walking boring, listen to podcasts, so you're still getting your media fix

ADHD and difficulty with money is linked, some banks have started to recognise this now and have resources on it. I’d recommend looking at Monzo, they have some useful information but also tools to try and stop overspending.

In terms of the car and driving everywhere, could you not listen to music or a podcast to walk to the corner shop? Or turn walking into a game with your children (eg we’re going to get x amount of steps)

it sounds like you understand your issues - have you been to a GP about it?

My DD14 has ADHD. I'm ND too.

But, a lot of this comes down to the way everyone's brain works and the chemical stuff. Habits. Think of it like fizzy drink = brain motorway and water = brain country lane.

The more you do something the easier it is to keep doing it.

You have to start with small adjustments that then become your new normal.

For example anything you drink after 10am is water only during the week.

Social media = 30 mins with morning coffee and after dinner at night.

You have to create a new pattern that becomes the new normal brain path.

Oh yes 100% for the instant gratification because I feel fed up an hour later!

Ive not spoken to my GP yet regarding spending or consumption, hes not the most helpful of men (told me I couldn’t have kids due to having PCOS and has misdiagnosed numerous times)

No one is going to come along and shock you into making changes, OP. That wouldn't help anyway as this is all about your agency, your choices and you taking responsibility for them. Other people offering or imposing solutions is not going to help. You clearly do have motivation to change or you would not have started this thread. Have you thought about seeing a counsellor to help you think through what is getting in the way of change and what steps you want to take?

I think make your self some rules that you stick to. No spending on extras last week of the month, no fizzy drinks kept in the house, eating out at weekends only. Get used to something achievable then add more on. Can you take strength from modelling better habits to your daughter for her future life. Good you can see you need to make changes.

I really like this analogy!

Ok, you need to make small changes but try to make them into a habit. Try these:

Drink a little bit of water before and after you reach for a coke. Even a mouthful will help to break that coke addiction. Then try to increase the amount of water.

Run a glass of water, then top it up with coke. You will get something coke flavoured but better for you.

Do the same with wine, but top half a glass of wine up with fizzy water.

Re-frame walking in your mind as ‘exercise’ and time well spent, rather than a waste of time. Listen to something as you do it?

Set your phone on ‘stopwatch’ and put it face down slightly away from you. See how many minutes it can tick up before you reach for it again.

If you like fizzy water a Sodastream might be handy? I drink gallons of it and it saves me a fortune

Well the first step is recognition. Try not to do a drastic overhaul and tackle everything at once because then you’ll inevitably fail because the change is to big, and go back to square one.

I agree with the above poster about making new habits. Decide what they are and consciously tell yourself what they are.

You have to convince your brain to change its automatic thoughts. So every time you start to fancy a coke (for example) notice it, and instead of automatically getting one, tell your brain a different thought like “I only have coke at the weekends”. Or “I only have one coke a day”. And then have a fizzy water.

If you keep consistently doing that, your brain will start thinking the new thoughts automatically and they will have become a habit.

I would recommend you get an ADHD assessment. I ended up with a small hoard from this. and I eat too much - looking for continual stimulation -

my daughters birthday is coming up, last night I wrapped her gifts, I’ve bought upwards of 20 gifts at around £20-£40 per gift. she’s 5. I know she’ll love and appreciate everything but just so unnecessary

Keep half of them back for Christmas.

I have ADHD and ASD (and PCOS). I CAN 100% relate to everything you’ve said. In fact you sound like me, when I was in my 20’s. Basically your life is one great big dopamine hit. Research that, because you need to understand why you’re compelled to spend, eat, drink, drive, addicted to social media etc.

I deleted my Facebook account for starters. I do have insta and of course I come on here a few times a week, but that’s it. I was lured in to downloading tik tok and very quickly delete it as I could see the obsessive picking up my phone numerous times an hour to look 🤦🏻‍♀️🫣

I’d probably start with trying to be more mindful of your actions. Understanding why you are doing the things that you do. Small cut backs and changes, gradually over time, will start to build and you will see the differences.

One other thing, when that little voice in your head starts saying “go on, it won’t hurt just once” ignore it. Give yourself a verbal slap 😂🫣 because it will and still does happen to me, daily. I struggle massively with my weight and it’s my next tackle. I’m addicted to sugar.

Best of luck OP x

I relate to much of this.

I recently realised I was doing a lot of consuming too. End if the day just sat watching you tube or doom scrolling. The food side has been harder but the doom scrolling I can recommend getting into something that PRODUCES something. Are you crafty at all? Could you write? Paint with your daughter? Practice life drawing, do an evening class in pottery, learn a language?

I got sick of how much time i wasted and so channelled that time into something productive. Set myself a deadline of a month to learn a new piece of software by doing an hour a day. Got good enough to use it to build myself a decent portfolio and now use it to make anything I can think of. I have a little book I carry with me to write ideas down. Its made a little side business for myself.

I found personal mantras and images in my head useful for this - useful, not fool-proof, mind!
i reduced my coffee intake by picturing my brain shrivelling from dehydration (!) and by telling myself I am someone who does not drink coffee every time I got the urge for another. I am still someone who drinks coffee, but much less than before.
Can’t help you with the shopping though, that’s still a big problem for me.

Bloody hell, this thread is a wake-up call.

I never thought of linking my spending and phone addiction to ADHD.

Wow. That explains a LOT.

I've just finished reading how to break up with your phone. The first thing was to delete all social media apps. So delete tiktok.

My sister paid for a coach. She is probably ADHD and the coach is diagnosed. Would that be an option? Are there any support groups near you?

ADHD is linked to both over eating and over spending. Have a look on line there are a lot of good resources

This is not to undercut what others have said about personal responsibility but it is important to recognise that the world is trying to get you to behave like this and escaping from it involves resisting messages that are coming, often subliminally, from people and organisations who are trying to make money from you by getting you to buy, eat and scroll mindlessly. Recognise when you are being manipulated and that makes it easier to avoid being a passive recipient of the manipulation.
Stay out of the shops, delete the apps, turn off one click ordering- do everything you can to lessen those messages and opportunities to spend and scroll.

This might be terrible advice as I'm afraid I don't know a huge amount about adhd, but you can get apps which help you change habits (habitica, habit bull etc) which might help? I'm just thinking that they might provide a little dopamine hit in a positive way - so you might get a little dopamine get from buying a meal out, would you get the same thing from getting a reward in the habit app from not doing it?

That sounds a bit patronising, I don't mean it to be 😀I was just thinking of an alternative "reward" to recognise your achievements in not buying/eating stuff!

ADHD is strongly linked with binge eating and overspending. I also have ADHD and do both. In fact I could have written a lot of your post. No one can come along and shock you out of this unfortunately - it’s just wanting to be rescued and it won’t happen.

The reality that you have to sort your self out can feel just overwhelming I know.

Commit to doing some reading about ADHD and addictive behaviour so you start to understand this side of yourself better. Combine that with reading about habit change - there are lots of techniques do make new habits stick and it really helps to know about it.

Write down a quick this of things you want to change. Write down how confident you are you can do that thing out of 10

Then decide the one thing you want to start with that you are at least 8/10 confident about. Swapping sugary drinks for fizzy water could be it.

Do that for a month, then add next thing. Only changing one thing will reduce overwhelm, but what you will find is other things change with it.

You could consider getting a counsellor with experience of ADHD to help you with accountability. More spending in the short term of course, but it could pay off. Otherwise their will be ADHD support groups.

Absolutely this for a small start/win

The trouble with nice but unhealthy food and drink is that it's loaded full of the bad things that make you crave more. It's a habit you need to break. Especially if you have pcos as you are more prone to insulin resistance and type 2 diabetes. It's hard to break bad habits but as lots of posters have said, begin by setting a few rules.

For example, a 30 min walk each day, after a meal if possible. Walk your daughter to the park and use the idea that you are building healthy habits for her as your motivation. Take bottles of water and some apples and cheese as a snack so you aren't tempted by treats.

Have glass of water before other drinks or meals. Reduce alcohol to the weekends. Reduce eating out or coffees and snacks out to just half the week. Make these treats feel like more of a reward. The most important thing is you need something new to fill your time.

Do you have any hobbies? Lots and lots of free work out, beginners yoga, dance type videos on you tube. Many of them are not even like hard exercise just a bit of easy movement....which I turn will make you reach for the water.

Do you bake or cook with your daughter? Rather than going out for meals could you stay home and cook something a little healthier together, again there are literally thousands of people posting videos online of healthy fakeaways.

Also try downloading my fitness pal or some other calorie app just so you can see the difference your choices can make. For example, how many calories fizzy drinks rather than water can add.

Rather than going out and spending on clothes, spend some time creating new outfits out of the clothes you have, look on Pinterest or insta for ideas.

Make a list of all the places you think you could walk to rather than drive. Add up what you will save on parking and put that money aside each week in a jar or savings account and use it to buy something at the end of the month.

Maybe even document your efforts online in a blog or just with social media posts, getting recognition and encouraging for your hard work can be really motivating for people.

It's got to come from you though op, this post feels like your first step. Good luck!

My DD15 with ADHD is very like this.

Some of the things I am doing to try and guide her into better habits are:

• Sparkling spring water instead of the other fizzy drinks.

• Setting a challenge of 10,000 steps a day. Try and get an ADHD fixation on counting your steps. If you get fixated you know you'll fo it. DD uses an app that stores all her daily results.

• Take away food/eating out. Try and find some healthier options that you like. You can eat out without always picking the worst food options. For DD she likes sushi so that's her healthiest choice. Also katsu curry with rice and supermarket sandwiches are other options that give her the instant food fix but aren't as bad as a burger and chips.

Are you medicated at all?

DD is very on/off with her meds - thanks to her being a very awkward teenager with a lot of PDA traits. When she's on her meds she's less impulsive and her appetite is a lot less.