School mum insists on underestimating me

[calmama]

Examples:

1. We went on a long charity walk in a group. Said group broke up into pairs fairly early on due to different natural paces. She everyone we must have taken a shortcut because we ended up in front of her and her partner.
2. I had to leave straight after the walk. She was an hour behind me at that stage so couldn’t wait to say say goodbye. Instead sent a congratulations and goodbye message to our group via WhatsApp. She’s then apparently insisted I didn’t finish the walk and got an Uber instead. Weirdness. And this continued even after the results were published to show what time we all passed the finish line. I even had to send a photo of us at the finish line as proof.
3. She quickly clapped back at me when I mentioned my frustration with creepy boss who brings up his interest in porn and sex on the daily to me, my female colleague and pretty much all and sundry (I’ve quit, by the way). She accused me of being judgemental about women in sex work.
4. Tries to guilt me into volunteering at the school one morning a week knowing full well I work that day and contribute in every other way I possibly can, including raising quite significant amounts in fundraising efforts.

There are many more but WTAF? AIBU?

Just don't let it bother you. It sounds insane, but why be involved with it? Just let it go.

Well Amanda from Motherland has to be based on someone! Next she will be telling people you work at Greggs when actually you have a high-flying job 😁

She sounds very annoying, but why on earth did you feed into her weirdness by posting a picture of you at the finish line?

"Smile and wave people, smile and wave"

Just tell her to fuck off either out loud or in your head and move on. Do you really care about what such a nitwit thinks?

I’m only bothered because our kids are friends and I kinda thought we were too. I’ve been supportive of her through a few things, and not long before being accused of being judgemental of women in sex work I had opened up about a quite upsetting issue in my marriage. Then BOOM, I’m accused of not supporting women in front of an audience.

Don’t buy into her issues, OP. There are people like her who feel the need to belittle others and be vicious so they feel good. She’s focusing on you at the moment. If you simply don’t give her anything back, she’ll lose interest. Check out Dr Ramani on YouTube (US-based clinical psych). I usually avoid the self-promoting internet medical professionals, but she comes across as insightful with some good tips on how to deal with this sort of personality.

Thanks, @Pocodaku. I’ll take a look.

She's jealous and intimated by you, so is trying to pull you down. Back away from her, or learn to laugh at her antics.

“Tries to guilt me into volunteering at the school one morning a week knowing full well I work that day and contribute in every other way I possibly can, including raising quite significant amounts in fundraising efforts.”

Sorry but that one is on you. No one can ‘guilt’ you into doing something. Just laugh and say you’ve got enough on. You need to stop being so bewitched by her and her bullshit. She’s just another random, you don’t even have to give her the time of day…

Just keep your distance if you want the children to remain friends. I however would have pulled her up the first time she upset you, who the hell does she think she is?! Wanting photographic evidence of the finish line 🏁?!🤣

Is she like this with everyone? Sounds like your typical compulsive liar. If she’s targeting you specifically then she’s probably just gotten comfortable and doesn’t think you’ll stand up to her about it.

Ignore her. It deprives her behaviour of the oxygen it needs to survive. She's not worth it. Focus on you because it sounds like you're doing just fine

I haven’t paid enough attention, to be honest @Spookyseasontime. But I have noticed she makes judgey comments about mums who “only post when their kids win something” and those who focus on their fitness. More power to them. If I had the time and energy to focus on my fitness I would too!

Just keep clear. Just because your kids are friends doesn’t mean you have to be.

She sounds jealous of your life and/or is trying to get your attention for some reason.

Just ignore her.

Yep been there! Had a similar weirdo school mum. Everytime I told her I wanted something she'd go and get it first, eg I needed a coat for winter and showed her the one I was hoping to buy, same with boots, and many other things. If I mentioned I wanted to do something she'd tell everyone she wanted to do it. She'd phone me daily and if i didn't answer would continue to ring throughout the day until I did answer and then she'd ask me where I'd been. She kept trying to bully me in different ways after I disclosed something difficult I was going through at the time. I told her my issues before I knew she was a weirdo. As soon as she realised I might be feeling vulnerable she started the bullish behaviour. @calmama it sounds like your school mum weirdo is threatened by you and also jealous of you. She's trying to belittle you to make herself feel better. If you give in to her, ie sending her pics as evidence of the walk, she'll just keep doing it. Don't give her the time of day. I literally stopped talking to the weirdo I had bothering me and it was a great relief! There's some very strange people out there and inevitably some of them end up in the school playground. I often think the kids are more mature and better behaved than some of the parents 😄🤷🏽‍♀️

I think she sounds odd but why does the 'she is just jealous' line get used? Do you honestly think she is jealous

I agree just avoid her and move on with your own life, you are not a teenager anymore

Some people are just weird. It doesn’t really matter why they’re weird. The only thing that matters is whether it’s a weirdness you can tolerate or not.

In your position I’d distance myself as much as possible. You don’t need to be friends with her for your DC to be friends. And if you’re in any group chats then ignore her. If she says anything that you feel you have to respond to then say ‘yeah, that’s exactly what I said/did/meant 🙄’ Don’t get into any discussions trying to prove yourself. Just remember that expression about wrestling with pigs. Don’t do it because you’ll get covered in mud and the pig likes it (which I’m not at all sure is true from an animal welfare pov, but you get the gist).

She sounds quite hilarious. I'd just laugh out loud at her every time.

You don't have to be friends with her just because your children are friends.

There's no point trying to dig down to the cause of her behaviour. It's irrelevant and a waste of mental energy.

Her behaviour is weird, but like other posters said "smile and wave people, smile and wave".

It’s totally bizarre @floribunda18! What a strange way to live. I’m regularly mind boggled about things like this. What a pointless and exhausting way to live. It is laughable but also sad. I always wondered why she didn’t seem to really connect with other mums. Guess this is why.

She’s very threatened by you isn’t she? Smile serenely, enjoy that you annoy her, and try to rise above it. Don’t feel you can’t point out her bullshit in the group chats though. I’m all for being the bigger person, but if she’s libelling you (not dramatic but serves the purpose here) then apply correct her.

Bit dramatic*

She sounds like one of those "I say it how it is" people who if you were to confront her would massively struggle with some home truths. I'd back away from her . Don't get involved when she posts stuff. Maybe be careful what you share on the group. I'd only share personal stuff on a 1:1. With people you can trust. The sex worker thing is ridiculous, you can support women and not want to discuss porn with a senior member of staff in the workplace.

She's an idiot, there is a massive difference between supporting women who are vulnerable in prostitution or porn and an entitled misogynist who makes women uncomfortable and crosses personal boundaries by talking about his festering porn addiction.

She's really reaching to put the one over on you.

You have 3 choices. Laugh it off every time she does this shit, pull her up on it or create distance.

I knew someone like this, our dds met at nursery and went all through high school together. I consider myself to be intelligent, friendly and empathetic but years of being worn down by this narcissistic sociopath (sounds ott but you’ve never met this cunt) made me way more hard edged.

I ended up “grey rocking” her (a very mn approved technique) as any time you try and argue back or “prove” something to these people, they swiftly change the narrative and you end up looking like a petty dick for even trying to fight your corner.

Honestly op, save yourself years of frustration and start ignoring her right away. Good luck!