School mum insists on underestimating me

[calmama]

Examples:

1. We went on a long charity walk in a group. Said group broke up into pairs fairly early on due to different natural paces. She everyone we must have taken a shortcut because we ended up in front of her and her partner.
2. I had to leave straight after the walk. She was an hour behind me at that stage so couldn’t wait to say say goodbye. Instead sent a congratulations and goodbye message to our group via WhatsApp. She’s then apparently insisted I didn’t finish the walk and got an Uber instead. Weirdness. And this continued even after the results were published to show what time we all passed the finish line. I even had to send a photo of us at the finish line as proof.
3. She quickly clapped back at me when I mentioned my frustration with creepy boss who brings up his interest in porn and sex on the daily to me, my female colleague and pretty much all and sundry (I’ve quit, by the way). She accused me of being judgemental about women in sex work.
4. Tries to guilt me into volunteering at the school one morning a week knowing full well I work that day and contribute in every other way I possibly can, including raising quite significant amounts in fundraising efforts.

There are many more but WTAF? AIBU?

The mum sounds bonkers.

Up until I had children of pre-school and school age, I had NO idea how absolutely mad and competitive some women can be. I suppose it comes out when they have dc.

I have met some truly crazy mums. And then there are some truly very lovely ones but I totally believe you OP, school mums can be insanely competitive and play dirty spreading negativity about mums and children they don't like or are secretly envious of. It's a shame. Try and ignore her or, if you have the guts, call her out on her bullying behaviour.

‘Hi name. If you don’t like me, that’s fine, but you’re making yourself look stupid with all these silly stories and it’s getting quite old now so if you would kindly shut it we’d all appreciate it. Let’s cut ties here - all the best.’

And seeing as she insists on dragging the group chat into it, post it there so they can see what’s actually gone on.

In my many years of being a school parent, you are lucky she is only one. And there is always one.

She’s an idiot. Just ignore.

YABU to take her seriously or pay any attention.

Seriously, don’t do this - it’s as mad as she is.

Just blank.

I have a casual friend like this. Everything I do she belittles.
Edinburgh festival...far too touristy. She used to have a brother who lived in Edinburgh so they would go before it got so horrendous. Wouldn't go now. I had a ball and go every year.
Grandchildren. I have one ( 18 months). I spend a lot of time with him because,quite frankly,I absolutely adore the bones of the wee boy. She wouldn't want them ,finds women who do things for their grandchildren very dull.
Etc etc.
We haven't seen each other since Easter. Met up yesterday. I'm 58 ,retired and having a ball. I like to quietly throw things in that I'm doing so she can tell me how much she wouldn't want to do them. She is the same age as me . Her husband is a lot older and winding down. Her children have told her there will be no grandchildren. I think a lot of her comments are self defence. That's fine. Amanda on motherland had an awful lot going on in the background that caused her enormous pain.

Just ignore. Everyone else in the WhatsApp group will be thinking she's a dick anyway.
For the examples you gave I would:

1. Ignore. You know you didn't cheat
2. Ignore. You know you didn't get an uber. Don't pander by sending a photo as proof as you were listed in the official results anyway.
3. Either ignore or say "You're missing the point. I was referring to my boss' creepy behaviour, not passing judgement on sex workers". Then ignore.
4. Stuck record technique "As I've said, many times, I'm not available". If you think she's badmouthing you to others about not doing it, just tell a couple of other people that you are working that day so aren't available.

And for anything else that comes up, just ignore. There's no other way to deal with people like this. We are brought up to think it is rude to ignore people but sometimes there's nothing else you can do. Greet her politely when you see her. That's as far as it goes. If she writes stuff about you in the WhatsApp group, let her, others will just think she's batshit.

Don't engage and back away from her. She will not like it. Let her wonder why. Sometimes silence is more effective than words.

Yep. I had years of one in the workplace. Deffo a narc psycho. No friends only stupid me listening to it all and being bullied. No more. Once I left it bombarded me until it finally gave up and went away. Give people like this a swerve for your own sanity

You can feel the need to tear people down because of your own insecurities, but seeing as she gone specifically for the OP, there's something in the OP that she has targeted her for and that usually comes from a place of inadequacy on the perpetrator's part.

WandaWonder · Today 03:37

I think she sounds odd but why does the 'she is just jealous' line get used? Do you honestly think she is jealous

No - I agree - not jealous, but threatened, which is different but can lead to similar behaviour. She's clearly insecure about something.

It's really annoying but the only way is to ignore it as much as you can until she backs off, unless she does something very pointed indeed (which these people tend to avoid doing!).

I once got told by a school mum that my mum couldn’t of had a violent boyfriend who would regularly attack both of us

’because mums don’t do that to their daughters’ she then asked why my dad didn’t take me away from my mum….

I was like yoh don’t get it.

I agree it's not necessarily envy or jealousy but insecurity. Some people have the urge to attack others who push their insecurity buttons, which turns them basically into bullies.

The mum of my dc's friend is one of these people. She talks SO badly about other women, massively criticising them on a really nasty, petty and judgemental level, when I realised this, I distanced myself and she has badmouthed me to all the other school mums since then 🙄. Due to her bitching, I'm friends with fewer mums but she ultimately did me a favour as those who are my friends are friends for life through thick and thin because they had my back and I have theirs.

Insecure bullies just have to stew in their own negativity, best left ignored.

She doesn't like you. You can either have fun with this by deliberately winding her up, or ignore her.

This post has been helpful to me. I have this with a coworker almost 20 yrs younger than me. It’s bizarre to me how competitive she is with me or ignores me even though our roles are interdependent. I greet her in the a.m work with her with no socialization and listen in disbelief while she adores and engages with others. It’s sad to me but after this thread I’m going to “not waste my mental energy trying to drill down to the reason”.

Just say "rude" loudly every time she is rude to you. Simple but effective.

Motherland’s Amanda springs to mind!

Amanda: You worked in Greggs, didn't you?
Anne: No, I was international product development manager for Glaxo SmithKline.

Don’t worry about it OP. She sounds unhinged and in a few years time you never have to see her again!

I like this tactic. Most likely I’ll ignore and disengage. But will keep this in my pocket for other people 😊