To think she needs to get some perspective?

[SunsetsInVenice]

Went out with sister today and she seemed really stressed. Firstly on the train as a few people kept banging the windows shut really loudly which was making her jump out her skin. Then the weather as it was raining constantly and was meant to be sunny for most of the day. Then she knocked her coffee over herself and over her phone at lunch and almost cried. Was spoken to a bit harshly in tesco by a member of staff as she didn't put something in the right place on the self serve till. Then a dog jumped up at me making me jump and fall back. I was fine but shaken but sister was really annoyed with the owner. Then we decided to call it a day as was just becoming too stressful but that wasn't the end. She nearly got into a argument with two teenage boys who kept knocking into her on a busy train as they were not holding onto anything. I get it was all a but annoying but she seems to take it so personally and I do agree that with her, nothing seems straight forward amd irritation dies follow her around. But aibu to say she needs to get some perspective? She does have it rough. Single, health issues and a few money problems at present but I feel that if she relaxed a bit, these things wouldn't bother her so much ?

health issues and a few money problems at present cut her some slack she's got a lot on!

I don’t really understand your post. Are you trying to be ironic? Or goady? Or do you just lack empathy? YABU regardless. Read your post back to yourself.

I don't have any of her underlying issues and most of those things (weather notwithstanding) would annoy me. Sounds like she had a bloody nightmare of a day!

Yabu OP. All of that would piss me off too

This sounds like me when I have a migraine coming on. I can't meet people's eyes either to talk to them and it makes me so upset, uncomfortable and very irritated by minor things as I am usually a great communicator (even if I do say so myself).
Maybe try and find something that would be less stressful for her next time you meet up.
Hope you've given her a call to check if she's OK?

Of course I'm not being goady. I realise we all have other things going on but what happened today was pretty minor in the grand scheme of things. As I said, I know these things happen to her a lot on a regular basis but I do wonder whether mindset has something to do with it.

I do wonder whether mindset has something to do with it

How exactly does her mindset attract these things?
Her mindset is likely due to the fact it’s that things are always happening to her.

She gets migraines but she didn't have one today as she always tells me. She knows the warning signs and doesn't travel far when she knows she is going to get one.
Told me she was going home for a bath and early night but then had to put up with next door neighbours yelling in their garden which disturbed her peace. It really hasn't been her day but I think to stay mentally OK you have to try and let the small and minor things go.

Those things are all legitimate things to be pissed off and/or upset by. No amount of "being chill" is going to make them not annoying?

If I were to be told (I know you're not telling anyone to do anything) to chill out about all of those things happening in one day? I'd be even more annoyed.

I say this as someone who picks her battles.

Also, if she has health issues she already has her fair share of worry, anxiety and likely pain. That can make issues feel 10 times worse. A little understanding and empathy from someone, rather than judgement, can make all the difference to her day.

I get it's frustrating but when she says things like 'someone up there must hate me' and takes it all so personally then it makes it all worse. I think if she stopped thinking that way and tried to just accept it as a part of life, albeit an annoying side then it would be easier on her.
Some people do have it a lot easier than others and don't come into the irritations that she does but life isn't fair. I just want her to feel happier and calmer.

I half agree and half disagree. We do have to choose happiness to a certain extent. (Obviously sometimes incredibly challenging, and easier in ideal circumstances).

But, the window slamming and boys pushing into her etc. those things can cause a very strong reaction in some people. For example beeping in super markets; some people probably don't even register it and it just blends in, but for others, it becomes all they can focus on and gets under their skin. Like over stimulation of senses. It's a thing and can really effect mood.

Mindset absolutely has something to do with it.

1. Sometimes you have a not so perfect day but you deal with it well. Maybe because that day, you feel positive/Strong/slept well/better time of the month etc.

Even better, you don't even notice the 'bad' things that day.

1. And sometimes it's the opposite.

You're maybe tired/stressed/worried/have PMT maybe, so you're more easily upset, sometimes even on 'alert' for more negative experiences, so you do end of 'finding' them.. even seeking them out (google confirmation bias) and when you do, you don't deal with them well.

Everyone can be expected to have the odd day like number 2 but it shouldnt be the majority of days.

sometimes a change in mindset can make things better.

but sometimes, trying to change your mindset makes it worse. If the shouty neighbours annoy you and you try to ignore, then you have to put an effort into the ignoring (which is hard work) and then you fail and feel annoyed. but you feel twice as annoyed because (a) there are still shouty neighbours and (b) it is your own fault that you are annoyed and you aren't even strong enough to change your mindset. and then you feel even more miserable.

So the 'self-help' advice to change perspectives etc, really can be VERY unhelpful for some people. Sometimes it is more therapeutic to have a really good moan and to complain loudly to a sympathetic person (a sister) and maybe after that it would be possible to turn some things into a joke (aren't those shouty neighbours stupid?).

But for your sister now with poor health and money issues, it sounds like she needs maximum support and sympathy. not more criticism for failing to fix herself.

How is accepting that she seems to have an unfair amount of crap thrown at her going to make her feel better? My sister has a very weird perspective of "THERE ARE WORSE THINGS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD!!!!!" which she seems to think negates anyone ever being even mildly pissed off about their personal experiences.

It's not a race to the bottom, suffering is relative, your sister isn't having a great time by the sounds of it. Did you just laugh off the dog jumping at you?

I'm the same as her. So much extra crap seems to fly my way but not to others. I think if you lived her life day in, day out, you would react the same as her tbh. Try being kinder to her.

I did scream out in shock and stumbled back but it wasn't really the lady in questions fault.
I do get that it can be very wearing at times to have these experiences most days but I wish she could try and reframe it a bit better instead of believing that people 'up there' are out to get her. I'm the first to say she has a lot of bad luck but as I say, I wish there was a healthier way to handle it all.
I am always kind to her. That's why I am looking for ways to help.

Sorry op but that's like just saying to someone 'stop being depressed & cheer up'

I'm usually really positive & upbeat but after a rough couple of years am finding it hard to get back to that version of me & would probably use more negative language lately when things go wrong. I really can't just fake it right now & it sounds like your sister is in a similar place. I'm keeping the faith that I'll Feel better again & do think we all need to ride out the bad times.

I say this while also acknowledging how draining it must be for people to spend time with me lately.

Doesnt everyone have days like this?
I know I do.

Not everyday. But there are days where nothing 'right' is going my way. They can be small minor things, but they add up.
By the end of the day, you think "Fuck it. I'm having a glass of wine, then bath and going to bed"

I'd be concerned that she is startled easily and jumpy.
Common sign of abuse, that.

I don't understand why you have come to MN to make a goady post about your sister. You could have asked if she was actually ok.
You are basically saying she lacks resilience, and there can be a ton of reasons for that.

That’s what I was thinking too. Being easily startled, and it affecting you badly, is a sign of being or having been in an abusive relationship.

I know you said she’s single now, but has she been in one in the past? That would explain a lot.

No, she's definitely not been in an abusive relationship. We talk a lot and she is still on good terms with her ex.
I'm not being goady at all. I'm trying to help.

She's allowed to have a bad day OP. It sounds like it was a stressful day on top of the issues she was already facing. Maybe try changing your mindset and acknowledge that she is having a bad day. It really irritates me when I have a stressful day and someone tells me to let it go. Of course I will let it go, I just want to feel heard that it's been a tough day.

Having said that, if her mindset is completely negative then that is a different thing entirely and she may benefit from CBT.

There is such a thing as toxic positivity, OP. People are allowed to have bad days, or even just be fed up.

It sounds like total overstimulation and tbf to your sister, I get this a lot. I loathe strangers bumping into me, try to avoid it, and when they still manage to when I've moved out of the way to avoid them touching me, get the range. I don't like physical contact with strangers and would prefer they don't touch me, particularly when there's not a need to.

Dog owner too and loathe badly behaved dogs. There's no reason they should be jumping up on strangers, it's unpleasant.

The repetitive banging of the windows would also get to me. It's jarring and I find it overstimulating.

Finally ,there's nothing worse than having a day full of noise, unwanted contact with other folk, then getting home to your safe space and you can't relax because your neighbours are noisy dicks who insist on shouting when outdoors.

I might not utter 'someone is out there to get me' as if I'm sort of victim, just more recognise the fact I'm grumpy, don't deal with this stuff well due to my anxiety, and it's been shit. But I totally feel your sister on this one.

It's also super annoying to listen to people moan constantly, so if it bothers you tell her to tone down the moaning a bit cos it's doing your head in and unpleasant to be around.