To believe that men universally make a massive deal and faff out of DIY?

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I know it’s a sweeping generalisation.
Having recently moved house into a house that needed stuff done- big and small- I am all the more determined to learn how to do jobs myself.
Big stuff I am leaving to skilled tradesmen.
putting up shelves, mounting tv’s on walls, smallish tiling re grouting jobs- re sealing bathroom- I wish I had been taught how to do those myself but I will get the tools and learn.
I have had people in- paid and unpaid - unpaid because they were male friends who offered their help- there was drama.
Mind you even my paid sparky took an age and seemed to feel the need to talk to me about everything. I just wanted him to fix the things that needed fixing, drink the tea and eat the biscuits and come round when he said he would.
Shouting, swearing, stress, forgotten tools, broken tools, just drama and neediness and everything taking an age.
I don’t think most women would do the drama.

DH is pretty good at DIY and he likes doing it so saves us £££. But he (a) definitely expects medals when in reality he spends far less elapsed time doing DIY than I spend doing laundry/ food/ kids and (b) undergoes this weird transformation for the duration of the DIY project where he gets a bit ‘awright darling’ cup o tea 2 sugars’ and starts walking like an ape 🤷🏼‍♀️

YANBU. My wonderful Dad who is sadly no longer with us was wonderful at DIY. He just got on with it, no fuss and always did a lovely job. I wish I’d paid more attention to his DIY skills and learnt them for myself.
My DH couldn’t be more different. Puts it off and procrastinates, then faffs a bit more, much huffing and puffing whilst doing the job only for it to look like a 5 yr old has attempted it.

To be fair to DP, he's not a natural at DIY, but if there's anything he needs to do, he does just get on with it.

Not in my experience. My husband can turn his hand to most things (except plastering, he’s atrocious at that) and just gets on with it and does a good job.

Sounds like he's watched too many "professional" tradesmen and has started emulating them 😂

Honestly never experienced this. DP doesn’t do DIY at all and my dad and my brother have always just got on with it without any fuss. My dad was incredible at DIY and it makes me sad that he’s no longer well enough to do those things because he loved it.

I also think that if you haven’t done these jobs yourself, you’re in no position to say how stressful they are or how long they should take.

When I first met dh, he was helping his mate build a conservatory (that's nothing to do with his occupation btw) and has always prided himself on being 'a bit handy'. There's definitely a touch of the 70s about him though, because he just assumed that I'd be able to sew, whereas he is convinced he wouldn't be able to do it, because he did tech in school.

As it happens, I can sew a bit, but from watching my mum and grandmother and craft afternoons in primary school. Didn't do anything like that in high school.

He also assumes I'm better at emotional stuff than he, but he won't dare say why he thinks that.

But societally, there is an expectation that as a man you do this stuff, regardless of your skills or experience or temperament, and although for years I called BS on that sort of sexism, I can't pretend that it didn't affect how I felt about myself.

@PietariKontio I think there's a lot of truth in this. Also applies to driving I think (socially acceptable for women to not drive on certain roads/in certain vehicles, but men expected to plough on)

I do a lot of diy.

I manage to get tasks done in a timely manner without a large amount of swearing. I also don’t require an audience. If I briefly need a second pair of hands, I try to plan ahead for that and then send them on their way when that step is done.

the men who have been in my life, seem to put off tasks to epic degrees. When they do take on a task there is constant grumbling and loud swearing. There also always seems to be an excuse to require me to come stand there for hours watching them perform the task.

DH has some diy that have been on his to-do list for as much as 14 years, which he insists he is still going to get to. They mostly impact him. Installing things he has purchased for the home and then left sitting in boxes. I refuse to rescue him by doing it myself.

FIL is a bloody nightmare for DIY, but it's kind of the opposite of faffing.

He wanted to help out with our house and garden work before the baby arrives -fair dos, much appreciated.

But MIL took me to one side and said that by no means should I let him out of my sight, and to make sure she knew the plan too for an extra pair of eyes on him, because she knew my husband would be too agreeable to his suggestions.

Even with two of us supervising, he still managed to bounce out to the garden and start a particular job saying "it's ok, I've got a plan".

Well, his "plan" involved creating an immediate trip hazard.

Great, given I can't see my feet.

I needed one task doing urgently, and since everyone agrees that I shouldn't be allowed up a ladder, he was supposed to prioritise it. Nope, he has a vision for sorting out one of the other jobs. "Won't take long". Three hours later, that job is finished. He finally looks at what needs doing for the urgent job. It involves nipping over to speak to a neighbour.

They come back, "can't be done". Me - "Oh, didn't you check X with the neighbour". "No, we could see it couldn't be done".

They didn't even go in his fucking garden. After ten minutes of me trying to convince them that our garden even backs onto that one (even my saying"I have spoken to him before, he's lovely, the gardens join like this, I have literally been in his garden"), they go over and glance over the hedge, chat to him about the weather, and don't work out how to solve the problem. WHICH YOU CAN'T SEE UNLESS YOU'RE IN HIS GARDEN.

At least if they faffed that might include actually looking at the problem properly before the start.

He's now banned from further DIY and gardening because a journey up a ladder is probably safer tha explosive levels of blood pressure!

He finished the visit by cutting a random hole in the ivy, rather than tackling the specific parts round the window. My ivy has a bald patch.

This is what I mean- It's about faffing and drama- not competence . These are not tasks they have never done before and they are not mega complicated involving cutting into plaster, wiring etc. These are hanging things on walls, making some brackets for shelves- all tasks that they have done a gazillion times before and have offered up their services to do because they claim they have the tools and skills necessary. Putting a bed back together for example.

My Ex made a HUGE deal about putting up the Christmas tree. It was a very big room with a very big tree but it would take him hours. He was in the building trade so hardly some sort of novice.
We all had to stand by watching. One year IU just got on with not myself and it took less than 20 mins to anchor everything down .

Yes. DH has made a right song and dance about DIY, to the point where I thought it was all very difficult. He also has extremely low quality work imho. I have taken some jobs on myself, and guess what, they were easy, and I did them to a very high standard. In fact, I then went round the house redoing all his shoddy work!

This absolutely. As a new DIYer who is learning as she goes, it blows my mind that having a schematic of your house is not a thing. And why everything is made so hard to get at. Want to find your pipes? Ok, just tear up the flooring 😂 Did no one ever think to put in little access panels so you could peak under the floor or behind a wall without having to put a hole in it?

I have never found trades people sweary or huffy. Some are less chatty than others, but generally they have all been fine and get the job done. And now that I am doing a lot of work myself, I realise how absolutely faffy even the smallest DIY job can be, and I can completely understand why people put the jobs off. I'm fine once I get my DIY clothes on and get started, I'll work on a project all day. But getting to the point of starting involves a whole host of procrastination efforts!

This is what I mean- It's about faffing and drama- not competence . These are not tasks they have never done before and they are not mega complicated involving cutting into plaster, wiring etc. These are hanging things on walls, making some brackets for shelves- all tasks that they have done a gazillion times before and have offered up their services to do because they claim they have the tools and skills necessary. Putting a bed back together for example.

FIL was a pain in the arse about exactly that.

Moving in. Brought one bed with us that needed putting back together. One new bed.

I've put together beds before, takes no more than an alan key these days. Easier with spare hands because of the size of bed parts, but not necessary.

FIL goes upstairs with a full toolkit and my husband. MIL and I carry the other bed up and build it. We easily sort out bed, then go to the kitchen. FIL didn't just move things into the kitchen, he arranged them and plugged them in etc. His arrangement is, frankly, batshit. MIL asks me how I'd like to set up the kitchen, and follows how we'd like to set things up.

FIL comes blazing down an hour later (lord knows how he took so long, simple bedframe), and harrumphs at us for "doing a job that was already sorted, and I bet the second bed still needs doing".

What's unfathomable about the situation is that MIL loves having the house redone regularly, so must have to put up with his twattishness on a regular basis.

@thecatsthecats ah yes- the complaining when you do a job they they had said they would do but didn't do or took too long to do so you finished it.
" I was going to do that." yes, but you didn't and I have been waiting weeks so that I will have some where to hang my coats.

My dh insists on having the most expensive tools saying he will use it for this and that and it will be an investment. He takes so long to do a job a tradesman could do in less than half the time and he leaves a mess after himself. Then there is the smug look he wears for a week afterwards. I'd rather pay someone to come in, do the job, clean up after themselves and no smugness.

On the back of this thread, and a gloss paint related argument tonight, I have made my careers advice to the dc more targeted.

'Whatever career you choose, choose one that means you can pay someone to do this (at 830pm, glossing my 6th door of the day).'

Mine had to get some other tool by the time he did that I’d built them with the little tool provided. He took the huff and mouthing something under his breath at me the twat.

Tbh my DH avoids DIY like the plague so I've had to learn to do it myself and anything too complicated I tell the DH i need a contractor to do it;i arrange for one and DH pays for it.