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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Absolutely at a loss for ideas

45 replies

18thideas · 31/08/2023 09:09

Hi, I'd like to ask for your ideas, experiences and wishes about how you celebrated yours/your child's 18th birthdays.

Our eldest (DS) is 18 in a few short weeks.

I ask every day for ideas about how he'd like to celebrate. I get nothing back.

He's the same every birthday and Christmas. No ideas and then he's left with not a lot.

I had a party. It was nice and a family/friends cheesy affair, just as I'd asked for.

I've got lots of photos ready for printing, from his friends, too.

I'd like to mark it in a special way, show him how loved he is, but I'm at a loss for ideas.

I don't want to not mark his special birthday.

Please throw some ideas at me. What went well, what didn't? Have any you've celebrated stood out?

They don't have to be ideas that cost lots of £££, thoughtful and unusual ideas are great.

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
Fieldofbrokenpromises · 31/08/2023 09:11

I had a quiet 18th because that’s what I wanted. Had a family party at our house for 21st.

Both a really long time ago now.

Throwing a big party is a risk if the person doesn’t want it.

eggcustard1 · 31/08/2023 09:12

My DS didn't want to do anything other than have a takeaway with the family. I would have liked to go out for a meal or something but we did what he wanted for his birthday.

TheAOEAztec · 31/08/2023 09:12

I had normal family cake and presents afternoon and then bar party with friends until very early hours.

ChangeInState · 31/08/2023 09:13

Son: we just booked a private room in a pub. He had about 25 friends. They had a sit-down three course meal, music in the background and generally shouted and played some games on their phones. We came with a cake and it ended at pub closing time.

Daughter: party at home with a gazebo in the garden. Karaoke and fire pit with marshmallows in the evening. About 25 guests.

Some friends had silent discos which does not cost much and works really well.

NameNumber2 · 31/08/2023 09:14

A bbq at yours or at a local park that allows them, closest friends and family?

samlovesdilys · 31/08/2023 09:15

We had a family 'tea' so he saw all of them together, and he went to sports match with friends who came back here to play PS/stay etc, I collected them from station and provided food etc. we bought his ticket to that as part of his present. Not v exciting but what he wanted. Lots of his friends weren't 18 until later in the year and going out around here is quite tricky without that.

Original poster
18thideas · 31/08/2023 09:16

ChangeInState · 31/08/2023 09:13

Son: we just booked a private room in a pub. He had about 25 friends. They had a sit-down three course meal, music in the background and generally shouted and played some games on their phones. We came with a cake and it ended at pub closing time.

Daughter: party at home with a gazebo in the garden. Karaoke and fire pit with marshmallows in the evening. About 25 guests.

Some friends had silent discos which does not cost much and works really well.

Thanks. I have a place in mind (a cool stable block type thing) but as he's one of the eldest in the year, most of his friends will be under age, still. Also, as it's autumn, we'd have to use the house and not the garden... Not sure I fancy that 🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
MajesticWhine · 31/08/2023 09:18

If he's not suggesting a big party, how about going out for dinner somewhere a bit special with immediate family and maybe a couple of his good friends?

VickyEadieofThigh · 31/08/2023 09:18

Sounds like he really doesn't want a fuss made.

Riverlee · 31/08/2023 09:20

My dc didn’t want a fuss. We went to an expensive restaurant innLondon, just the four of us. It was lovely.

Youngest dc - during Covid.

Original poster
18thideas · 31/08/2023 09:21

VickyEadieofThigh · 31/08/2023 09:18

Sounds like he really doesn't want a fuss made.

You might be right.

OP posts:
andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 31/08/2023 09:21

Maybe he doesn't want to do anything?

Not everyone cares about birthdays.

HamishTheCamel · 31/08/2023 09:24

My DS will be 18 in November, he's exactly the same! I'd love to help him organise a party but it's his decision, not everyone likes a fuss.

3dogsandarabbit · 31/08/2023 09:24

I would ask him specifically what he would like to do, give him the options of a quiet family birthday at home with a takeaway, a meal out with friends at a restaurant that you would pay for, a party for family and friends in a hall and other things that you think he might like. He might not even want to celebrate it especially as his friends aren't 18 yet so going to a pub etc will be difficult.

This is about what he wants to do and not about how you think he should be celebrating it.

SparklingLime · 31/08/2023 09:25

A video montage of the best photos, from babyhood onwards, went down well.

Scaryghost · 31/08/2023 09:25

Ds18 didn’t want to do anything for his 18th 🤷‍♀️wanted the money instead for a holiday later on in the year

Brefugee · 31/08/2023 09:26

if he doesn't answer, then he doesn't know how to tell you he doesn't want a fuss, maybe?

For mine they arranged their own celebrations with their friends, and we had cake and presents with the DC before they went out.

WhatdidIdoyesterday · 31/08/2023 09:30

I had a party on a canal boat. Was lucky it was a perfect crisp autumn day with sun so warm enough to go outside and the boat was small, maybe space for 20 people inside and was only 3 hours so nothing too wild happened!

Original poster
18thideas · 31/08/2023 09:34

I think you're all probably right and it helps to hear that me not making a fuss is not me letting him down but actually that's what he wants.

I've some good ideas here.

I'll put some ideas to him (as he may not have any) and see what he says.

Thank you all!

OP posts:
Original poster
18thideas · 31/08/2023 09:34

WhatdidIdoyesterday · 31/08/2023 09:30

I had a party on a canal boat. Was lucky it was a perfect crisp autumn day with sun so warm enough to go outside and the boat was small, maybe space for 20 people inside and was only 3 hours so nothing too wild happened!

I'd love this!

OP posts:
Frazzledatfifty · 31/08/2023 09:52

Put a little marquee up in the garden for sons 18th - 20 friends - cocktails and nibbles, then sit down curry… cake… dancing & fire pit. Great fun - very home grown, didn’t cost much. He’s 21 now - I think 21 is a bigger birthday but haven’t celebrated yet as he’s been away working this summer. I made a big photobook for him - documenting his life from birth to 21. Over 1700 photos - . He loves it…

Birch101 · 31/08/2023 09:55

I think for my 18th I went and saw Derren Brown with bf and friends, not sure i did anything with family ... oops

Could you suggest friends thing - e.g. paintball, escape room, kayaking, paddleboard, and then do a family meal with all his favourite foods throughout childhood? Maybe some fireworks?.

Extraordinarytimes · 31/08/2023 09:59

Honestly, listen to him! For my 18th I had a meal out with immediate family and boyfriend, then went to a club with a few friends. 21st was a cocktail party with my three best friends in my room at uni and was fantastic. Had a big one for my 40th, happy that I’ve done it, and happy I don’t have to do another!

my husband had a photo album from his parents for his 18th with all of his special moments captures, lock of hair, the works - that really is enough. It would be awful to throw him a big party, or other big fuss that he doesn’t want.

BellaJuno · 31/08/2023 10:02

I’d book a nice meal with immediate family and ask if there’s anyone else he’d like to include. Am sure if he had a burning desire for something in particular he’d tell you, so just be led by him.

cherrylola · 01/09/2023 08:37

My mum and dad took me out for a v. fancy meal and champagne on my 18th. Then I went out after with friends just on a fairly normal night out. Had a big party for 21st though and mum got me a surprise professional cake… a massive princess castle with 21 on it- was amazing even though I’m not princessy at all… it was really fun and a great surprise and everyone loved it.

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