Absolutely at a loss for ideas

[18thideas]

Hi, I'd like to ask for your ideas, experiences and wishes about how you celebrated yours/your child's 18th birthdays.

Our eldest (DS) is 18 in a few short weeks.

I ask every day for ideas about how he'd like to celebrate. I get nothing back.

He's the same every birthday and Christmas. No ideas and then he's left with not a lot.

I had a party. It was nice and a family/friends cheesy affair, just as I'd asked for.

I've got lots of photos ready for printing, from his friends, too.

I'd like to mark it in a special way, show him how loved he is, but I'm at a loss for ideas.

I don't want to not mark his special birthday.

Please throw some ideas at me. What went well, what didn't? Have any you've celebrated stood out?

They don't have to be ideas that cost lots of £££, thoughtful and unusual ideas are great.

Thanks in advance.

I'm 38 now though and those cakes were not really the norm then! So maybe think of something as a special surprise that’s out of the ordinary?

I'd say boys/ men in general are not nearly as interested in birthdays a girls/ women. Our DS wasn't remotely bothered about doing anything or wanting any kind of special present. We bought him a limited edition Star Wars figurine, a personalised Star Wars cake and took him to a Mexican restaurant as that's his favorite food. There were just the four of us, we have a DD too, and he was more than happy with that.

Ours was in lockdown so we set up a 'pub' at home so he could order his first legal pint 😊

Fruit machine via an app on the computer,
A remote pub quiz with his mates from all over the country/world
Dart board / cribbage
Tariff for drinks , bar , beer towels, ice buckets etc
And ambient pub noise in the background from YouTube.

Daft but was quite fun and low key and underage people could drink too.

I didn't celebrate birthdays with family passed about 14!
My 18th i was out getting very drunk 😄Definitely didn't do anything with family.

Mum got me a nice necklace but that's about it

We're not big on family celebrations, so we're probably weird

I don't like big do's either. Some ideas:

• pizza and gaming / other activity he enjoys at home with close friends
• pub meal with close friends and family
• are there any activities he really enjoys? There's always the experience type gifts - flight in a fighter plane, lap in a sports car etc etc For me one of my favourite birthdays was when partner took me to an island to go snorkeling and feed dolphins. The day cost him about $80 so not expensive but I loved it.

It doesn't have to be a big fuss to be a nice day for him. Think about what he likes and what you could do around that.

To add, I've just had a big X0 birthday. People did rethink the "surprise" element for lunch. I really don't do good in big groups as I can't talk to everyone, so I'd just wanted a small lunch with my family then lunch with friends a different weekend. I didn't get I wanted and the "surprise" was a big lunch - "surprise" as I was told a week out by the organisers. It was a lovely thought but I didn't really get to talk to my family who'd driven a couple of hours to come. When I did talk to them, I couldn't talk to my friends. For me, I didn't feel good afterwards as I didn't get quality time with everyone. Whereas if I could have spent time with different people over different weekends I would have been really happy. I love a birthday month!

DD is 18 in 5 weeks. She's autistic (v late diagnosis in Jan this yr) and never been one for huge celebraton/v small social circle.
She wants to not go to college that day and have lunch with me and my mum. Out for dinner as a family with sibs and DH and her gf. She wants a few friends over for drinks and a small party.
We're gifting her a tattoo as her "permanent" present (instead of the jewellery we got at 18) and I'm doing 18 gifts with photos of her on each birthday on each.
She doesn't want a huge fuss, doesn't like it and we respect that.

Can I ask which company you used to do the photo book, if they were good?

Neither of mine wanted anything special for their 18th or 21st. Out for a family meal on the day, celebrated with their friends on the nearest weekend. They wanted money for presents, so that's what they got.

None of mine have ever wanted to do anything more than a family meal to celebrate. We did go away for a few days for my daughter's 18th earlier this year but that was to celebrate the end of A'levels also.

I used Milk Books… I have a Mac computer - Milk have an app extension which can be downloaded and then it is easy to make a photobook straight from iphoto which made things easier as I didn’t have to upload the photos… Milk are very high quality… delivery isn’t quick (allow 3-4 weeks) and they aren’t cheap but you should be able to get a generous discount code from them. I found the format easy to use once I’d had a good play around to familiarise myself with it.

My daughter loves musicals so I took her to London for 5 days, just the two of us, booked a lovely hotel and did lots of touristy stuff plus 3 musicals. She also passed her driving test the month before her 18th so we helped her out with a little car and insurance.

My son had an October birthday. His friends were underage. We had drinks in the garden under a gazebo and then cabs to the restaurant where no alcohol was allowed!

Thank you, @Frazzledatfifty. That looks perfect.

As ds was one of the oldest in his year a venue wouldnt work as friends were underage, so all he wanted was us out the house 😱 so he could invite friends around. He wanted to do his own thing and didnt want anything organised by us so no food, drink, decorations or cake.

We compromised with us camping out in our bedroom/ensuite for the night so we were on hand if really needed, around 20 guests and he allowed me to order a cake (£35) and provide mixers, lots of glasses and napkins. I emptied fridge and filled with mixers, dark fruits cider and left a few big bags of doritos, Pringles etc. So not much outlay for me!

They all brought their own drink and some mixers and ordered/paid for their own dominos (I offered to ds he could pay for all and I would refund and it was also declined). Everyone showed up with minon masks which ds loved that they had planned that for him.

They were as noisy as you would expect teens to be but not overly so, one was sick (I never heard and they cleaned it up well), and there was one little argument that was quickly diffused. Ds had a brilliant time, the only time we saw him was when he had cut his cake and brought us some up with a huge grin on his face as it was going so well and he was happy he had been left to deal with those little issues. He seemed so grown up that night.

Present wise we helped out with his savings towards car/uni and for a keepsake he got an engraved flask which he has used at his prom and a couple of weddings so far (might be more a Scottish thing to have a hip flask in your sporran!)

Same with ours. We know that later on when they need a big purchase we can treat them to something they do want with the money we would have splashed on their 18th.

I think 18 is a really difficult birthday as probably half his friends will be 18 and half will still be 17, so can’t pub / drink (well legally anyway and will depend on yours / the other parents views on this). Also some might be working and have money, others might not.

I’d say maybe a nice meal out or take away just the close family to mark the occasion, just as much for you as him. Then maybe a little do for his friends, again takeaway/ supermarket pizzas etc. He might not want to do anything with friends, so no need to push that if that’s the case, but at least you’ve marked the occasion as a family?

We went out with family for a nice pub lunch, then back to ours for board games and tea time nibbles. DS wanted to go to the pub as he wanted to go to the bar and buy us all a drink.

It was low key, buts that is what he wanted.

I had a family bbq. Older sis had a meal out with family. Younger sister had a big joint party with her friends. Brother just went to the pub.

Your son just sounds more of an introvert, so I would avoid putting him under any pressure.

Why don't you suggest going out for a family meal to his favourite restaurant but add "...or would you like to do something bigger than that?" Then he has options.