Page 3 | Are we running out of things we can say?

Ciarianna · 2023-08-30T21:48:11+00:00

I'm not trying to cause a fight, and I totally agree there are things that we shouldn't say like "when are you due?" But over the last few weeks I have seen I hate people commenting on... Being tall Being short Being slim Being mortgage free Being able to have lie ins Now I totally get it can be painful for the reasons behind these things, but guess my question is, if it meant from a place of no harm, then should we cut some slack? Also, some people struggle to find something to say, and want to be ^positive??^ I'm just musing, I'm not spoiling for a fight (I've been here long enough to know some could start a fight in an empty room ^myself included! )^

CampsieGlamper · 01/09/2023 08:29

CantThinkOfANameAtAll · 30/08/2023 23:19

I would rather have people try and have a conversation with me than not. Most aren't trying to cause upset despite what you read on here. There again I open my front door if somebody knocks.

But what colour is your front door?

the80sweregreat · 01/09/2023 08:37

Ds 2 is easily offended by things , I only have to ask him a perfectly reasonable question and am accused of being nosy or some other slight I didn't mean at all.
Maybe so much is now carried out by texts and emails and so on , it's hard for people to hold a normal conversation where you have to actually speak to each other. He works from home and I think this is also unhealthy as everything feels remote and you can't get a measure of body language or the nuances of facial expressions or even if someone is joking or not. He tends to take everything literally.
Tone of voice is important to conversations and this isn't the same as reading a text etc.

PuppyMonkey · 01/09/2023 08:39

I do enjoy the “I look so young, it’s so annoying” threads though.

lljkk · 01/09/2023 09:14

To me, it's a positive thing to tell someone someone they suit a particular outfit or colour, that you like their new hairstyle or that they're looking great.

All those comments are about appearance. They also imply "because you looked shit before" btw. Else why would you spontaneously comment & notice.

I've pointed this out before. If you argue against "comments about appearance" then that applies to so-called "compliments" too.

I don't care at all about comments about my appearance except... critical comments from my dad. It feels intrusive & like rejection from him & pisses me off. I am reluctant to comment on appearance of others because (A) if you lost weight I reckon you'll gain it back and I'm not going to comment then, am I ? , plus (B) I don't have a relationship with their appearance. It's nowt to do with me if they are fat or have nice hair, etc.

You're on safe territory to simply say "I love those shoes!" or "I think you lost a lot of weight & I want to lose weight, too, so could you tell me about your experience?", or "since you asked, I quite like your hair!" etc.

ssd · 01/09/2023 09:33

What I'm not getting is the constant cries of ageism on here. Fair enough if someone's being a dick but pointing out the over 60s had it good with housing costs gets you roasted on here. Young people are angry and i don't blame them. But no one can mention age.

RichardsGear · 02/09/2023 00:59

I clearly said, "If I'd been on a health kick and lost weight..." - nothing in there about having an eating disorder or being too hard up to eat.

Also, it's a lot more socially inept to randomly say, "I've been doing lots of exercise....", or "I'm wearing smaller jeans these days..." hint hint, please notice that I've lost weight and comment in a positive manner than to simply say, "Thanks," if someone says, unprompted, "You've lost weight, you look great."

RichardsGear · 02/09/2023 01:00

Thementalloadisreal · 31/08/2023 00:14

That’s IF you’d lost weight on purpose. Imagine now someone saying “oh you look so skinny” but actually you’ve got an ED or you’re unwell, can’t afford food or depressed etc.

It’s different if you initiated it with, “oh by the way I’ve been doing some exercise/ got smaller jeans” or whatever. But unsolicited comments to people just isn’t needed.

The problem isn’t that some people are offended it’s that other people seem to think it’s their right to make uninvited comments about others without any context. And then get grumpy when they’re told off for it.

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Responding to this.

IsitChristmasyet23 · 02/09/2023 01:44

ssd · 01/09/2023 09:33

What I'm not getting is the constant cries of ageism on here. Fair enough if someone's being a dick but pointing out the over 60s had it good with housing costs gets you roasted on here. Young people are angry and i don't blame them. But no one can mention age.

Yes it’s so strange. It’s absolute fact that pensioners had it good and haven’t paid in anywhere near as much as they will take out. Youngsters will never have those opportunities- damn right they are angry.

I saw someone on one of these threads raise these views and frankly, the responses were disgusting.

Yet xenophobia is allowed. I saw someone get snarky comments because of their nationality on that thread. That is literally xenophobia. Reported it twice and MN said that it was allowed because ‘American exceptionalism is a thing.’ Interesting mod choices.

Greensleeves · 02/09/2023 02:08

I don't have much truck with this attitude tbh. It's a good thing that we have learned that it's better not to be racist, or to make personal remarks about other people's bodies and eating habits etc. I don't buy that it's that difficult not to be offensive, nor that it's all that traumatic to have to apologise if you do accidentally put your foot in it. I'd much prefer that to a climate in which it's absolutely fine for men to tell me "smile, flower, it might never happen" and for me to be sneered at for objecting to it.

In my experience the only people wailing "but you can't say anything these days" are the ones who want to say things they know damn well aren't acceptable.

Catsmere · 02/09/2023 05:52

Tessisme · 31/08/2023 08:05

I don't think people should comment on other people's appearance, as in their height, weight, shape, size of nose/feet or whatever. It's just rude and unnecessary. I might comment on how much a niece or nephew etc had grown if I hadn't seen them for a while. But that's more a comment on the passage of time. To me, it's a positive thing to tell someone someone they suit a particular outfit or colour, that you like their new hairstyle or that they're looking great. Just leave body height and shape out of it. It's not difficult. If you tell someone they look good and they are, in fact, ill, then that can't be helped.

If someone gets offended by another person mentioning their freedom to lie in, or any other perceived advantage in life, then that's just bloody ridiculous.

That's pretty much how I see it. Nothing wrong with complimenting someone on something they've done to their appearance - hair cut/colour, a striking garment, lovely shoes or whatever. I've complimented women on hair colour or gorgeous obviously hand knit jumpers. A complete stranger said to me today "Can I just say your hair looks amazing?" and I was very pleased (Fudge Clean Blonde shampoo, great stuff). 😄

Ponoka7 · 02/09/2023 10:40

IsitChristmasyet23 · 02/09/2023 01:44

Yes it’s so strange. It’s absolute fact that pensioners had it good and haven’t paid in anywhere near as much as they will take out. Youngsters will never have those opportunities- damn right they are angry.

I saw someone on one of these threads raise these views and frankly, the responses were disgusting.

Yet xenophobia is allowed. I saw someone get snarky comments because of their nationality on that thread. That is literally xenophobia. Reported it twice and MN said that it was allowed because ‘American exceptionalism is a thing.’ Interesting mod choices.

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I know that they didn't pay in what they would take out, however the lower WC pensioners around me, here in Liverpool, haven't had it good and in many cases their working lives have ruined their bodies. We still had mines up the road in ST Helens/Sutton. My Dad was in the Merchant Navy as a lot of men in Liverpool were, it wasn't easy. Their wasn't private pensions for most jobs. A lot of women suffered DV and the poverty of my childhood isn't seen today. The only better thing was that you could get housed, but then what they were living in, people wouldn't live in today.

reyran236 · 02/09/2023 10:44

Ciarianna · 30/08/2023 23:10

I was so expecting the first response to be "well people should take more care, how fucking dare you"

Well I'm short (that's genetics)
I'm paying off my mortgage this month (woohoo)
And I got a lie in this morning

:)

Missedmytoe · 02/09/2023 10:50

Thementalloadisreal · 30/08/2023 23:19

Because commenting on those things is often very closely linked to judging those people on these things. Even if you’re not, it can sound like it.
And really why the need to comment on people’s bodies or lifestyles, why not ask them how their day is going instead or something normal. It’s weird to insist you should be allowed to point things out about other people to their faces uninvited.
We can’t say anything anymore is just a whinge from people who want to go around judging people out loud without being called out for it.

I understand this. As a short person, people often like to point out to me that I am short.
I know. Your pointing it out is not going to make me any taller, or give me some dawning realisation. I can't help it.
Same with tall, or underweight/overweight/ freckled/ red hair etc. We already know, it doesn't need to be mentioned.

If you want to make conversation then compliment someone's clothing choice, jewellery, hair style/colour, tattoos, bag, smile or so on.

Thementalloadisreal · 03/09/2023 13:50

RichardsGear · 02/09/2023 00:59

I clearly said, "If I'd been on a health kick and lost weight..." - nothing in there about having an eating disorder or being too hard up to eat.

Also, it's a lot more socially inept to randomly say, "I've been doing lots of exercise....", or "I'm wearing smaller jeans these days..." hint hint, please notice that I've lost weight and comment in a positive manner than to simply say, "Thanks," if someone says, unprompted, "You've lost weight, you look great."

But how is anyone commenting on your, or anyone else’s, weight supposed to know whether you (or anyone else) has been on a health kick specifically to lose weight unless you’ve previously told them?

Its weird to say to someone oh you look thin unless you know why they do.

Dragonwindow · 03/09/2023 15:00

I think some people have forgotten that it's perfectly reasonable not to like something, and it's even reasonable to say that you don't like it, but it's a huge leap to then say "and because I don't like it, therefore no one else should say it ever again".