'Making memories'

[lollipoprainbow]

Argh nearly the end of the summer holidays and I don't feel we've done much. Facebook is full of families doing great things and 'making memories' . Dd11 is autistic so life for her and me is tough. Also we moved house at the start of the holidays and have been slowly sorting that out. We've had a few outings to an outdoor lido which my dd loves but not a lot else. Feel like I've let her down. Anyone else feel the same as me? Tell me I'm not alone in feeling rubbish!

My kids have mostly been at school holiday club or on their phones whilst I work from home. We had a week in a caravan where we bickered a lot and dragged them to castle and an art gallery. Favourite day trips on holiday were to the park inbetween rain showers. Other than that we've been to the cinema once.
Tbh it feels like we've had a rubbish summer and every time we've gone out we've fallen out and it's been hard work, and I genuinely think it's due to this expectation that everything we do must be amazing and family-bonding and bloody making memories. If I'd stopped trying to force fun and togetherness we'd probably have had more of it.

Do you know what my memories are of being little?

My dad was a policeman and I remember him coming home whenever he had been on an 'afters' shift and coming to kiss us goodnight when we tucked up in bed and he smelled like the cold fresh air outside.

I also remember my nanna coming to look after us every Saturday, being allowed to stay up late and my mum & dad coming home, the change in my dads pockets jingling and he would empty those pockets into my hands and take me to the corner shop the next day to hire a film and buy sweeties!

I remember my mum would tip out our entire box of broken up lego and we would play on the living floor, building rubbish houses and cars for hours and we LOVED it!

I was a privileged child and we went on beautiful holidays abroad, we spent weeks at our caravan but the things I remember are like the ones above!

My child is also privileged but I know he also loves the mundanity of normal life!

'Making memories' is often used by tit head middle class first time parents for likes on their socials.

"We're taking 10month old Rupert Tobias Horatio to Disney Land to Make Memories!" With a very staged 'candid' family snap.

If it's not used in that context it's short hand for,
"Is parents wanted to do this and we used the kids as an excuse."

It makes my teeth itch. Kids more often remember the day a squirrel jumped in the picnic table at the local park than they remember the £5000 3 day trip to some poncey shit hole the parents dragged em too for 'content'

I got really bogged down when my eldest was about 6 months old in all this "making memories" crap. I look back now and can't stop laughing - she was 6 months old 😂

FWIW though we didn't do much in summer holidays when I was a kid. Days were spent at home and I was expected to entertain myself and it was the BEST. Yeah we went to the beach one day or swimming one day there, but it was those happy days at home that I remember the most 🩷

We have a beautiful holiday home in Brittany, France but we haven't even been this summer because our Foster Son plays cricket for 3 different teams and he doesn't want to miss even one match. So for him clearly playing cricket is what makes him the happiest. Those are the memories he chooses to make. He's 17 now, so we can go other years to France. We enjoy watching him play and we always take a nice picnic with us. I do the scoring for his team's and I know they'd struggle a bit to get someone else to score. At 17 not many parents go to watch their sons.

Facebook is full of edited highlights. Don’t compare that to your reality @lollipoprainbow. What is “making memories” anyway? When I look back on my childhood I remember all sorts of small moments and not necessarily the occasions that would have been Facebook worthy these days. I also remember being very very bored in the holidays sometimes - I survived like millions of children before and since! We didn’t have the money for holidays and trips. Mercifully we also didn’t have the compare and despair of social media either. What I also know is that I was lucky because I had a secure and largely happy childhood, that’s what I remember and it’s the same for my adult children; it’s not the big days out they cherish.

No one with a caring mother like you is being short changed. Forget social media, no one is sharing the mundane reality there.

for many people “making memories” = “making content”

Digital vomit. Just live, it’s enough.

we took our son to Disneyland Paris when he was 4 and when the passport officer asked him about it on the way home all he mentioned were the 'magic taps' where he put his hand out and the water magically turned on!! £2k well spent!! Lol :-)
She will remember the fun you've had not where you've been (Plus Lido's are awesome)

Honestly I find the making memories shit really annoying. It's obviously lovely to do nice things with your kids but I find the insistence you've been 'making memories' or instilled a 'core memory' a bit overbearing? What makes you so sure it'll be what your kids remember? Maybe they'll cherish memories of the local park over Legoland when they're older, you have no control over that. It's just adults getting weird and projecting their shit out on their kids/social media. I'm sure you've done a great job this summer, try not to take it on board!

I have very fond memories of my childhood summers. My DM worked p/t but I was allowed to take my brother and sister down to our local beach or church (15 min walk) to join in with the activities that were organised.
On a Sunday my DP took us to a park to play French cricket and have a picnic.
Nothing that cost ££ because my DP saved every spare penny for our week's annual holiday, which was taken in September (in the days before fines) at a caravan park or Butlins.

I honestly couldn’t tell you what I did during summer vacations when I was 11yo.

I'm in a similar position OP and I'm just concentrating on keeping my autistic DC happy and healthy, sod anyone else!

My kids are all grown up and I've forgotten lots of their childhoods. They often don't remember the big days out but the things that happened that were just random or funny or accidental. You'll have loads of stuff that you and your DD will remember - so what if it didn't cost a fortune, take ages to plan, and wasn't plastered all over social media?

You can do what you like to make things amazing for the kids but doesn't mean that they will remember! My ds is 25 and remembers a random day when he was 4 and his brother was 14 and his brother took him out to buy batteries for his toy train. Doesn't remember the trip to Disneyland or the visit to the theme park with the whole family but he remembers going out with his big bro! My dd was 3 and very ill in hospital. She remembers a wonderful few days when mummy sat in bed with her while she was allowed to watch tv and have her dummy with no limits. Again, no theme parks, no Christmases or birthdays but unlimited use of her dummy which was otherwise strictly for bed.

We did an exercise at work recently and had to think of one of our happiest childhood memories. It was surprising that the vast majority involved- being outside, no cost, low parental supervision and something that felt adventurous or risky! Things like building a den in the garden, climbing trees, fun at the beach. No one said anything that was indoors or involved money.

I think children appreciate quite low-key things really. I have many happy memories of just being at home, making up games with my siblings, or just riding around the streets on my bike. I remember a very happy memory from a great holiday in France once which was simply being able to eat dinner outside as it was so warm.

All this ‘making memories’ thing is nonsense, the memories are being made whether you like it or not! Big days out and amazing holidays are obviously great, but behind the scenes there have no doubt been tantrums and stresses along the way 😂

I wince when people use that expression. I can't even write it.

Whilst I agree kids remember lots of weird things and not necessarily the big ticket day out etc. The problem I have with 'making memories' and lots of the 'its fine if you don't do anything they won't remember it' is I am often not doing stuff because they will remember it, I am doing it with them because I want us to enjoy it in the moment and break up the boring days. I don't care if they remember it.

It is the same rhetoric people trot out about taking kids on holidays - i don't care if my toddler remembers she went to Disney World, we have had fun, she loved it when she was there and I remember it. I certainly didnt do it so I can post it on facebook or so she remembers it.

Too many people live for memories and not in the now.

Your DD has you loving and caring for her and that's enough. More than enough. Many children don't have that (even those taken on expensive holidays) but that's all any of us really need.

My favourite memory of summer as a child was playing out the front with the kids next door. No parents watching us closely - we had freedom to play and we loved it. Didn't cost a penny!

I'm very amused by making memories type posting, I just do fun things for the sake of it. In my old person's experience it's hard to predict what children will remember. I remember long summer walks with dusty feet, I remember sleeping on hot sofas and car seats. Going all day with a choice of soggy sandwiches or nothing. I remember when I had chicken pox I got to wear pj's everyday and once buying drinks at a campsite shop. I don't remember theme parks, or rides or who was there (I do remember Wicksteed had a paddling pool but not who I was with), I remember the meeting place when shopping with my parents in towns we didn't know well (we'd find a particular sweetshop and that would be the place). I don't remember a specific sandcastle, but I remember when my dad fell drunkenly down a massive flight of steps. I remember my dinghy, but not where we took it (pictures suggest only the local river). Its all disjointed and very little of it connected with others.

We had a very quiet summer too for various reasons.

Your DD moved house and probably got a new bedroom? That’s quite exciting and presumably cost a lot of time and money. You shouldn’t feel bad at all. Half term will be here before we know it, maybe plan a day out for then if you feel you both need one.

You've basically described my childhood !! Soggy sandwiches on the beach, a coke and a packet of crisps outside the pub, my mum making us walk everywhere as she didn't drive pushing a big pram with various kids in tow! Jumble sales, country fetes and my dad nearly breaking his neck trying out my new roller skates! Happy hols (sort of!).

We love our NT family membership. It ticks a lot of boxes for all of us, and works out very economical because we use it a LOT!

I deleted my Facebook account a couple of years ago because phrases like 'making memories' make me cringe. (Don't get me started on 'rant over!') As long as your DC are happy it really doesn't matter what anyone else is doing & social media isn't real life anyway. I'm much happier without it - can't seem to give up MN though!

Fffft to Facebook and making memories. Your Daughter's memories of this summer (if any) will be excitement at new house, or if she didn't feel excited and was nervous she'll have memories of getting bedded down and becoming secure in her new environment. She think of the cosy time of you and her lounging on the couch chatting and getting distracted from whatever was on tv. The glorious afternoons at the lido.

And when I say "if any", my parents always took me on holiday to Hilton hotels, theme parks, castles, museums, tourist attractions etc etc and yep, when I went back to school I wrote that the best thing that happened was when my Mum did a cartwheel in the back garden for me.

Ha we went away on a lovely holiday, camping plus a cottage by beach.

My kids main memories of the school holidays:

• their cousins visiting and a game involving fart noises
• a very cheap rainbow patterned beach ball that only lasted 1 week
• the day a local farmer put manure out and everywhere stank.