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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being breathed on

37 replies

Conniption · 29/08/2023 23:58

Dh goes to bed before me due to shiftwork, and every night when I come to bed he is lying down the middle of the bed, head right in the middle, mouth wide open and snoring/breathing on me from the moment I climb into bed. It gives me the absolute rage (not quite but very pissed off) so I get into bed, fluff my pillows up in the hopes it'll make him roll over. Sometimes once Im in bed I pull the middle of the duvet up to cover my shoulder (block his breath) which normally also happens to make him roll over to face away from me.

BUT invariably, once I have just got comfortable, he bloody rolls over again and starts breathing on me again so I have to move.

We dont have a spare room to move into and when I bring it up he gets quite defensive and mentions that I also sometimes snore (when Im ill with a bunged up nose), but I also dont lie there breathing over him every night

YABU - you should enjoy being breathed on by a creature that sounds like it is struggling to release itself from the depths of hell

YANBU - its disgusting and should rightly give you the ick

OP posts:
fairymary87 · 30/08/2023 00:05

Omg I hate it too... especially when they have had a drink urgh

Uterusbegone · 30/08/2023 00:06

I bloody hate being breathed on, it makes me feel gross (which is weird seeing as we do far worse stuff together!) and my DH does exactly the same. I have to create a barrier of pillows or pull the duvet over my nose and mouth

BranchGold · 30/08/2023 00:07

How big is your bed?

PurplePansy05 · 30/08/2023 00:09

Yanbu, I bloody hate it. Buy a bigger bed.

Wizadora25 · 30/08/2023 00:12

I could have written this. Also married to a mouth breather. I'm not sure if I can put up with it for another 40 years without murdering him in his sleep.

averylongtimeago · 30/08/2023 00:15

I hate being breathed on too. I have found sharp elbows, a prod to the tummy or well aimed kick normally does the trick.
Mind you, he does roll over on command most of the time 42 years of practice

Original poster
Conniption · 30/08/2023 00:15

We have a kingsize bed - we could possibly fit a superking but the bed we have is only a few years old and was bloody expensive, and a superking would mean very little room left to get into the wardrobes and walk around the bed.

@Uterusbegone I have also started creating a pillow fort. Trouble is he seems to think I am leaving him pillow offerings and fecking well steals them

OP posts:
BranchGold · 30/08/2023 00:18

What I think I’d do actually is get a spare pillow that goes vertically down the middle of the bed, as you’re really struggling with the disturbed sleep you’ve been having.

hopefully he’ll breathe in towards the pillow and you’ll have a physical barrier.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/08/2023 00:20

I detest this. I do use a pillow as a barrier at times.

LylaLee · 30/08/2023 00:22

Top to tail

ThreeLittleDots · 30/08/2023 00:23

Super king and one of those ginormous bed roll things some hotel rooms have, up the middle?

Or even single beds if you don't have a spare room!

Totalwasteofpaper · 30/08/2023 00:24

I made my dh go to the dr it radically helped however the breathing itself is still a problem. I wake him if he turns and he knows he is always supposed to sleep breathing away from me.

Its horrendous on several levels. Main one being my ability to rest.

Totalwasteofpaper · 30/08/2023 00:24

Also we have a super king

CoffeeBeansGalore · 30/08/2023 00:25

You can get body pillows, about 5ft long & 18 inches wide. Jam one between your normal pillows & stop his breath reaching you. Also stops him encroaching on your side of the bed.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/08/2023 00:27

LylaLee · 30/08/2023 00:22

Top to tail

Right, because him kicking her teeth out is a perfect solution.

WTF99 · 30/08/2023 00:27

But don't you miss out on spooning cuddles if you're so averse to feeling his breath on you?
I love being little spoon....it's the way I fall asleep best

Gooseysgirl · 30/08/2023 00:27

Hell hath no fury like a sleep deprived Gooseysgirl... the snoring Goosey gets swift elbows/kicks as soon as he turns over in my direction 👀

ThreeLittleDots · 30/08/2023 00:29

But don't you miss out on spooning cuddles if you're so averse to feeling his breath on you?I love being little spoon....it's the way I fall asleep best

Ugh. I fall asleep best in my own, separate bed. Bliss.

Sylvaniandream · 30/08/2023 00:40

I sleep on the sofa most nights as I can't bear the snoring/ heavy breathing. People suggest that not sleeping in the same bed is the beginning of the end. I admit, it has been detrimental to intimacy (emotional and sexual) and is something we argue about, but I cannot function without sleep, and he won't function at all if I live out my 4am fantasy after being woken multiple times by the deep breathing/snoring and actually smother him in his sleep. How the heck is he even sleeping through his own noise? Drives me INSANE.

TheCatterall · 30/08/2023 00:46

my sympathies with you all.

Doesn’t matter the size of the bed - chap rolls into the middle or right behind me and BREATHES ON ME.

I have accidental pointy elbow or knee in his side until he rolls over.

Sheet over my shoulder so not getting breathed on down my back or shoulder if he rolls over - plus I love the duvet up to my chin!

I have to say - I’m a bad snorer if ill, had too many drinks etc. I try to ensure I don’t sleep on my back to help with this, face out of the bed, drink loads of water to ‘lubricate’ throat etc before bed and rarely drink to excess.

AutumnalPumpkin · 30/08/2023 01:00

Can't relate to this, so I'll say YABU. I'd be upset if my partner suggested sleeping in separate rooms because of me breathing on them (without any knowledge of this due to the fact I'm SLEEPING)
That said, maybe I'm strange. I can sleep well on my own now (partner works nights) but sleep best when my partner is with me.

ShutTheDoorBabe · 30/08/2023 01:02

I'm with you and I too bring the sheets right up to my chin and lock myself into a pillow fort to prevent dh breathing on me. Luckily, he feels the same and either sleeps on his back or facing away from me.

Pp mentioned topping and tailing - the prospect of a face full of night breath is only beaten to the worst place by the prospect of dh's toes in my face.

Pp asked about falling asleep spooning - far too hot and uncomfortable and what the hell do you do with you hair and your bottom arm? As much as I love morning sex (after we've rinsed our mouths!) I can't be putting up with him prodding me in the back every morning.

FannyFifer · 30/08/2023 01:02

I detest getting breathed on or snoring in my direction.
I wake him each time & tell him to roll over.

Nopenopenopenopenopenope · 30/08/2023 06:53

I have no useful advice but I really hate it when I express dismay (or whatever) about something and the response is "yeah but you (...)"

It's such an immature response. If someone has a bugbear with something I do, tell me when it's appropriate not as some kind of score keeping exercise.

HoliHormonalTigerLillyTheSecond · 30/08/2023 07:25

If you have instagram this made me laugh op:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CvuVrRotfr9/?igshid=NzZhOTFlYzFmZQ==

Read the comments too.
You are not alone! 😆