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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being breathed on

37 replies

Conniption · 29/08/2023 23:58

Dh goes to bed before me due to shiftwork, and every night when I come to bed he is lying down the middle of the bed, head right in the middle, mouth wide open and snoring/breathing on me from the moment I climb into bed. It gives me the absolute rage (not quite but very pissed off) so I get into bed, fluff my pillows up in the hopes it'll make him roll over. Sometimes once Im in bed I pull the middle of the duvet up to cover my shoulder (block his breath) which normally also happens to make him roll over to face away from me.

BUT invariably, once I have just got comfortable, he bloody rolls over again and starts breathing on me again so I have to move.

We dont have a spare room to move into and when I bring it up he gets quite defensive and mentions that I also sometimes snore (when Im ill with a bunged up nose), but I also dont lie there breathing over him every night

YABU - you should enjoy being breathed on by a creature that sounds like it is struggling to release itself from the depths of hell

YANBU - its disgusting and should rightly give you the ick

OP posts:
HoliHormonalTigerLillyTheSecond · 30/08/2023 07:27

Sylvaniandream · 30/08/2023 00:40

I sleep on the sofa most nights as I can't bear the snoring/ heavy breathing. People suggest that not sleeping in the same bed is the beginning of the end. I admit, it has been detrimental to intimacy (emotional and sexual) and is something we argue about, but I cannot function without sleep, and he won't function at all if I live out my 4am fantasy after being woken multiple times by the deep breathing/snoring and actually smother him in his sleep. How the heck is he even sleeping through his own noise? Drives me INSANE.

Totally agree. My DH has been sleeping in the spare room for the last year now. I'm not the snoring one!

pickledandpuzzled · 30/08/2023 07:31

Separate quilts help! Two singles.

Russooooo · 30/08/2023 07:38

I won’t sleep in the same bed as DP. I know it’s not his fault and he can’t help it, but he moves and breathes and just generally is next to me. We sleep best on holiday in those single beds that create a massive bed. Is that a option?

RockAndRollerskate · 30/08/2023 07:49

Cannot recommend solo sleeping enough. Even a sofa bed. It’s lovely.

RockAndRollerskate · 30/08/2023 07:51

Sylvaniandream · 30/08/2023 00:40

I sleep on the sofa most nights as I can't bear the snoring/ heavy breathing. People suggest that not sleeping in the same bed is the beginning of the end. I admit, it has been detrimental to intimacy (emotional and sexual) and is something we argue about, but I cannot function without sleep, and he won't function at all if I live out my 4am fantasy after being woken multiple times by the deep breathing/snoring and actually smother him in his sleep. How the heck is he even sleeping through his own noise? Drives me INSANE.

Have to say we don’t find this at all.

I think it better for us as we don’t piss each other off all night and both sleep better.

cameldigits · 30/08/2023 08:48

Struggling with sleep lately due to heavy, snoring, large partner in the way

I miss single life (sleeping like a starfish in the middle)

Original poster
Conniption · 30/08/2023 10:17

@HoliHormonalTigerLillyTheSecond that is hilarious - I'm sending to dh so he knows I am completely normal, and he shouldnt be offended by my wish for him to just be somewhere else while I'm sleeping!

OP posts:
Original poster
Conniption · 30/08/2023 10:18

WTF99 · 30/08/2023 00:27

But don't you miss out on spooning cuddles if you're so averse to feeling his breath on you?
I love being little spoon....it's the way I fall asleep best

About a decade ago I wouldve agreed with you but now I just need space and a very specific set of circumstances in which I can actually fall asleep

OP posts:
Original poster
Conniption · 30/08/2023 10:21

AutumnalPumpkin · 30/08/2023 01:00

Can't relate to this, so I'll say YABU. I'd be upset if my partner suggested sleeping in separate rooms because of me breathing on them (without any knowledge of this due to the fact I'm SLEEPING)
That said, maybe I'm strange. I can sleep well on my own now (partner works nights) but sleep best when my partner is with me.

Well he knows because I've told him, multiple times. I've asked him to try some remedies for his snoring, he agrees to but never actually does anything. I've asked him to not take away my pillow fort because it's there for a reason, but 'he doesn't think' most nights and takes the pillow despite the fact he has a mountain of pillows already...

OP posts:
Original poster
Conniption · 30/08/2023 10:23

Nopenopenopenopenopenope · 30/08/2023 06:53

I have no useful advice but I really hate it when I express dismay (or whatever) about something and the response is "yeah but you (...)"

It's such an immature response. If someone has a bugbear with something I do, tell me when it's appropriate not as some kind of score keeping exercise.

Exactly - plus I put up with his breathing on me and snoring every single night - him having to put up with it on occasion is not a fair comparison at all!

OP posts:
hylian · 30/08/2023 10:25

My DH does this too. He can't help it, it's just how he sleeps, so there is no point saying anything other than to make him feel bad. I just turn over or bring the duvet or pillow up to block him.

StanleyGoodspeed · 30/08/2023 10:26

my DH does this, I just give him a shove and tell him to turn over😄

I woke up to him once doing this when he had Covid for the 2nd time, I was actually breathing his Covid breath into my lungs, but I did not catch it that time🙄

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