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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want 11 yo dd sleeping in her own tent?

45 replies

goodgosh · 29/08/2023 22:28

dd and ex h (her dad) are going camping this weekend and plan to have 2 single tents or 2 twoman tents, I am not sure which. I have said can't you have a tent with 2 rooms and he has said no because he isn't buying one when it was supposed to be a pretty budget trip for them and he already has the other tents and dd will not want to share so it's best they just have their own. am I being U or precious to feel really uncomfortable with this?

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 29/08/2023 22:28

Where are they camping?

LadyGeorginaSmythe · 29/08/2023 22:30

I'd totally expect my kids to sleep in a tent with an adult. They are 12 and 10. I also know they wouldn't sleep a wink alone and would be terrified. Unreasonable - as privacy for getting changed can still be given despite sharing a tent.

cakecoffeecakecoffee · 29/08/2023 22:33

I’d prefer them in one tent but if they must be in separate tents then can they pitch it so that the openings are facing each other, very close together?

CoopAndWheels · 29/08/2023 22:33

I don’t think it matters where they are camping tbh, a young girl shouldn’t be in a tent alone on a camp site. A girl has been snatched from a tent in her garden in the past, it might be an unlikely event but op isn’t unreasonable to want to know DD is safe.

I hated young DS sleeping in the separate compartment even when he was young, it’s only a bit of material after all.

KrisAkabusi · 29/08/2023 22:36

Presumably they will be pitched right beside each other. I don't really see how six inches further away would be inherently more dangerous.

Fillyfrog · 29/08/2023 22:36

I would not allow this at all. I hate my children even sleeping in a different compartment than me when camping. We all sleep in one big bedroom

category12 · 29/08/2023 22:39

I wouldn't be comfortable with it.

WunWun · 29/08/2023 22:41

I would absolutely not allow this.

Batalax · 29/08/2023 22:41

It’s a no from me.

Pandor · 29/08/2023 22:42

with two tents very close together there is not much difference between this set up and two sleeping compartments on opposite sides of a family tent. As long as the child was ok with it, at age 11 I’d be ok too

Hellocatshome · 29/08/2023 22:44

They could put all their stuff in 1 tent and both sleep in the other tent or put the tents so the openings are very close together which is effectively the same as having two bedroom compartments on a larger tent.

10HailMarys · 29/08/2023 22:48

I don’t really see why an 11-year-old in a tent three inches from her dad’s tent is any more danger than an 11-year-old in a two-room tent. Either way there’s only a bit of canvas between them. They’ll be able to hear each other snoring.

I’m pretty sure that, in the unlikely event that someone tried to snatch an 11-year-old from a tent on a campsite, the 11-year-old would be pretty capable of waking up the entire campsite screaming, let alone her dad. She’s not a sleeping toddler who can be scooped up without waking.

Original poster
goodgosh · 29/08/2023 22:48

yes i expect the tents will be very close/openings next to each other etc but I am still very unhappy with it. As PP have pointed out, I thought a 2 bedroom tent was being generous as I would rather all in the same room but dd has said she doesnt want to go if it was like that anyway (not that he seems to even have this as an option). They are going to an "almost wild" place

OP posts:
SpringSummerDreamer · 29/08/2023 22:48

Check Gumtree for a second-hand tent with more space. They're usually a real bargain. I'd just say I'd bouught it for myself for myself and loan it to him for the trip. Otherwise he probably won't get round to it.

jlpth · 29/08/2023 22:49

Unacceptable.
The average 11yo would likely be terrified - not to mention the other risks.

HarrietSchulenberg · 29/08/2023 22:49

My youngest has been a seasoned camper since he was a toddler but he ended up in my tent the first time he attempted a night in one on his own, and he was 12. How does your DD feel about it?

SpringSummerDreamer · 29/08/2023 22:49

Only one 'myself' of course...

NeedTheSeaside · 29/08/2023 22:53

WunWun · 29/08/2023 22:41

I would absolutely not allow this.

@WunWun she's going with her Dad. He had every right to do it how he & DD want, it's not up to the other parent to allow or not.

@goodgosh she's 11, not 3, she's in a tent next to her Dad's. If that's what she wants then I can't see the problem.

Cowlover89 · 29/08/2023 22:58

YANBU X

Someoneonlyyouknow · 29/08/2023 23:00

What does your DD want? If the tents are both just one room and she wants some separation then has she thought about the reality of sleeping alone in a tent? I don't see a problem

MojoMoon · 29/08/2023 23:02

Statistics will show she is far more at risk from being killed by her own father than being kidnapped and murdered by a random stranger while sleeping in a tent inches from her father on a campsite.

On that basis, as long as she is happy with it, I would have no issue with it.

Canisaysomething · 29/08/2023 23:02

All their stuff in one tent and they both sleep in the other. Neither will sleep very well in separate tents.

crackofdoom · 29/08/2023 23:05

Wtf?? My now- 13 year old couldn't wait to sleep in his own tent two years ago when he was 11! And his 8 year old brother has just graduated into his own tent this year- they love having their own space, especially as they have to share a bedroom. What on earth do you think is going to happen?!

Frabbits · 29/08/2023 23:07

As long as the girl is happy on her own she'll be perfectly safe in a tent pitched right next to her dad. She's 11, not 4.

Azurehawker · 29/08/2023 23:12

Interested in some of the replies here as our tent has become too small for us all and I’ve been considering buying 2 smaller lightweight tents so that we don’t have to drag a huge one around with us when we go camping and letting older dds 13&8 sleep on their own. When I was around 9/10 me and my sister started sleeping in our own tent while camping and I don’t remember being scared at all.

If we did do this I would keep the 2 tents close together but I don’t think I would feel comfortable unless dds also had one of the dogs in their tent as they are fairly vocal about night time goings on while camping. I’m not sure how I’d consider it without the dog tbh.