to not want 11 yo dd sleeping in her own tent?

[goodgosh]

dd and ex h (her dad) are going camping this weekend and plan to have 2 single tents or 2 twoman tents, I am not sure which. I have said can't you have a tent with 2 rooms and he has said no because he isn't buying one when it was supposed to be a pretty budget trip for them and he already has the other tents and dd will not want to share so it's best they just have their own. am I being U or precious to feel really uncomfortable with this?

One case back in 1995...
11 year olds are a lot more awkward to abduct while sleeping too.

Statistically, that is very, very safe when compared to the millions of nights children have camped in the UK in the past 28 years since.

My 12 yo now sleeps in his own tent. Physically he is smaller than most peers male or female. He cares about his privacy and copes with camping when he has his own space. He's very light for his age, but would be bloody difficult to drag out of a tent in seconds with no one noticing.

All tents have the same level of acoustics and access.

What does the DD want?
My DD is 13 and still not keen on having her own tent. DS1 has slept in his own once at about that age, but that was his idea. Now they're all in our huge 3 bedroom monstrosity (£50 on Facebook marketplace) and the boys share one pod, DD has her own. It's big enough that it feels separate (rooms come off at angles so you're not right next to each other) but still together enough to be checked on/rescued from spiders/brought a spare light etc in the middle of the night without anyone having to put shoes on! There's something different about having to go out into the dark outdoors, even if it's just a few feet away. DD won't go to the toilet after bedtime/in the night as it's scary (and we have a toilet tent 6 feet away!). But if she wanted her own separate tent, I'd have no problem with that.
YNBU OP, but if your DD is fine with it, it's up to her. It's not really about danger, as that's very low risk (at more risk walking home from school), but about feeling comfortable/safe.

My kids 8 (DS) and 10 (DD) have been requesting their own tents for the past year. We had a small tent that I used for the dog but, they both say they want it (without the dog in). We have a Berghaus air 6 but with big beds (wife doesn't do camping) so you can only get 2 in each compartment. They have both been in the single compartment without an issue. Sometimes they want to be with Daddy, sometimes together and sometimes alone!

From a safety perspective I don't see it as an issue. The only problem could be if she gets scared. If she is fine with it then I would say try not to worry. Camping is great for youngsters to express themselves and for character building.

My Dc and the Dc of friends in Our camping group all had their own little pup tents from
age 9 or 10. They loved it.

You can hear everything through tent fabric.

Of course if your Dd does not want to do this, she shouldn’t. She can squash in with her Dad.

But if she is fine with it, don’t seek to make her fearful.

I had my own mini tent at 11, I loved it. Right next to the parental one with my younger sisters in. They then got their own as they got a bit older. The worst thing that happened was the tent pole falling down in a storm near cherbourg, amd we all put it back up. I went back in. Not scared at all.

Depends on the kid, but for me, my dad put me in a tent on my own in france when I was 11. I liked it until it got dark and then it was awful, I was terrified and my imagination ran away with me

Me too

Did you not have a light sparkleshine?

If she wants to be by herself I'd let her. The tents will be close and no one can abduct an 11 year old from a tent quietly- you can hear a tent being unzipped from half way across is camp site.

I'd have hated having to share a tent with my dad at 11.

If you’re in the UK I don’t see the issue with it if she wants her own tent. “Almost wild” doesn’t mean as much here compared to elsewhere. If they were camping someplace with dangerous animals, like the US or Canada, or venomous ones, like Australia, I would agree that a separate tent would be unsafe.

Also, I mean....sharing a small tent with an opposite sex parent is something I would have found very uncomfortable as an 11 year old. It's practically sharing a bed. I'm imagining that your ex probably sees it as a bit inappropriate too.

I really don't see the problem.

I wouldn't have slept in a tent with my dad at that age - I'd have been mortified.

@crackofdoom yeah I absolutely did I think.

Crikey, I'm surprised by the responses. It would be fine with me as long as DD was happy TBH. The biggest risk is them waking up in the middle of the night as freaking out IMO, so as long as that is managed, I don't see the issue. 11yo is plenty old enough to be in their own tent (provided it isn't at a festival, which brings far higher risks), especially when her head will be so close to her DF's, he'll be able to hear her whisper.

My DD1 had her own pup tent pitched within our awning last year at 8yo, which was a great transition to having her own tent - she felt safe, and 2 less zips to negotiate to reach us/the loo if needed. This year she spent our first camping trip in the awning in her pup tent, then the second two trips fully out. She loves it! Her younger sister is now also in a pup tent in the awning space DD1 had previously, with them sleeping just a foot or two apart (with 4 thin layers of fabric between them). They both love having their own space, and DD1 has both a walkie talkie and phone in case she wakes and doesn't feel she can climb out and get into us (or shout) for whatever reason. She also has everything else she might need in there with her too of course such as an extra blanket, water & a torch. Her only struggles were ensuring her shoes were placed well to keep them dry and make them easier to put back on, and to remember to do both zips back up when she's not in it to keep the rain out! (She has been camping since she was 12mo though, so is pretty seasoned and comfortable sleeping under canvas. We did offer to get a bigger pup tent so DCs could share, but this was roundly rejected by both. The likelihood of being 'snatched' is infinitesimal, and the odds of that plus DD1 not screaming the entire campsite awake in seconds should it happen are even slimmer. We are camping again at the end of October, and both DDs are really grumpy that due to likely temperatures they will have to be back in with us and sharing a double bed with each other...

‘Almost wild’ in campsite terms means no electric, probably compost loos, quiet policy, and generally attracts wholesome families.

They are pitched next to each other with material separating them. You are being ridiculous honestly

It depends how your DD feels. If she's happy to be in her own tent then it's fine. If she would prefer to be in the same tent as her dad, I'd hope he would make that work.

My DD has been in her own tent since about 8 or 9 because it's what she's wanted to do. She knows to wake me up if she wants to go across the field/campsite to the loo but she's always been very happy to be alone and I've never had any concerns about her safety. Her tent isn't pitched nose to nose with ours either, it's usually pitched so our guy ropes overlap but she still needs to properly leave her tent to get to ours.

I think it's fine. I presume the tents are within touching distance and you can hear everything. You're all overreacting.

No I wouldn’t be happy op. I get why people are poo-pooing any risks but for me even an infinitesimally small risk is too much risk to take with my dd’s safety. I rather her snoring dad be behind the same zip and the same bit of canvas.