DD 3 years old keeps telling me she loves me

suhg · 2023-08-29T17:56:15+00:00

And that I'm her best friend. She also frequently says she's scared and sad. She says she's scared when she hears sad songs. I think she confuses sad and scared sometimes. She says she's sad when she can't get her own way or needs to share. She also sometimes says she has a tummy ache. Then she says she ' feels better '. I think it's really sweet she tells me she loves me. But she says it so often I'm starting to worry if something isn't right with her and she feels unsure or something ? There haven't been any major changes. I tell her I love her all the time, so perhaps she's just copying me? That makes the most sense. She's 3 and a half. Did / does anyone else's child do this kind of stuff ?

CaptainMyCaptain · 29/08/2023 18:59

It sounds quite normal to me. If she is confusing sad and scared just talk to her about what these words mean. I don't mean like a 'lesson ' just using the words in context or in a story.

Natureswick · 29/08/2023 19:00

It sounds like she's started to grasp feelings and is sharing them with you.
I can imagine a 3 year old might be sad at having to share.
I'd clearly explain why we need to share etc and make it clear there's no need to feel sad
As for the I love yous, treasure them - I'd love my 12 year old to tell me he loves me 😂

CaptainMyCaptain · 29/08/2023 19:04

Maybe she has just heard the words and is trying them out. A book like Michael Rosen's We're Going on a Bear Hunt could inspire a discussion about both those feelings. A lot of children think the bear looks sad at the end although it isn't in the text - maybe because he is lonely.

Ivegotsunshineinabag · 29/08/2023 19:04

Two of my children went through the ‘I love you’ phase at this exact age.
My son even adopted the slightly more worrying ‘I think I love you’ after a while. 😂. I mean, I birthed the boy and he only thinks he loves me. The cheek!

I think I probably told them that I loved them too much and they were just echoing me. So I cut back and eventually so did they.

The other stuff I have no experience of.

bluecorn · 29/08/2023 19:05

Are there reasons you're worried at all, like problems earlier on in her childhood?

SleepingStandingUp · 29/08/2023 19:07

If you tell her a lot, she's just learning the power of the word and using it back similarly. I wouldn't worry about it unless she seems sad or upset when telling you.

Sad and scared, sad and angry, they're quite similar feelings in small people. Talk about what is making her feel that way, lots of "it sounds like you feel.....", accept her feelings "I know you're sad about sharing / scared about me going out etc" and you'll have a little girl who can express her feelings safely, which is a wonderful thing

HappyPurrrsday · 29/08/2023 19:09

Sounds a lot like my 3.5 year old.

she will sometimes tell me she loves me, give me 100s of kisses - or go the other way and be really silly to get my attention/affection.

she gets quite scared easily, and sometimes sad.

unless the “I love you” is more reassurance seeking, any huge changes recently? Started preschool or you changed your shifts at work? Anything that’s just thrown her routine off a bit?

AlltheFs · 29/08/2023 19:10

DD is almost 4 and exactly like this. They talk a lot about feelings and emotions at nursery so she is just repeating it all back.

She says she loves me and I am the best mummy about 20 times a day at the moment, which is lovely.

I’m going to record it so I can play it to myself when she is 13 and she hates me for ruining her life 😉

Miriam101 · 29/08/2023 19:12

My DS also 3 is going through this phase too. As a PP says I think it’s just him realising he can use words to express his feelings and I think it’s adorable tbh! Our eldest is not so good at articulating her feelings. Although at 3 I think a lot of it is quite hit and miss (and our son is just as quick to say he doesn’t like someone/something as he likes/loves them!) I think it’s a healthy sign in the long run.

BaaCode · 29/08/2023 19:15

Aw, that's lovely.
It reminds me of when my son was around the same age and he insisted that he was going to marry me. He actually shoved himself between me and his dad on the sofa and demanded that he leaves my mummy alone! 🤣

Brightandshining · 29/08/2023 19:15

It sounds normal and it might be to do with the reaction she sees you having too. Children that young dont entirely understand the wider meaning of their words. Like you said she mixed up scared and sad.... she won't know how 'big' adults think these words are.. she is just trying them out to express herself because she has limited vocabulary. She probably actually means all different kinds of things like 'im grateful' 'im happy 'im content' 'I like this' etc but she knows these certain phrases and she sees the way you respond positively or with a lot of attention to them, so she uses these phrases.
I remember when my oldest was about that age he saw someone on TV say 'ill kill myself' it was a comedy program so it appeared a lighthearted expression of discontent. And when he repeated this to us it obviously got him alot of attention as obviously we were shocked and worried. I look back at it with humour now because of course when he got all that attention for saying it he just went through a couple of month of saying that any time he felt negatively about anything, He did not really understand what it meant fully or how seriously it made adults feel.

DungareesAndTrombones · 29/08/2023 19:17

My middle one was the same, he said it 100000 times a day. Now he's 13 he obviously says it a lot less but still shouts it to me when he goes out and randomly through the day. I hope he never stops 🩷

Original poster

suhg · 29/08/2023 19:20

Aw very lovely stories.

I guess I'm just worried she's not feeling so great at the moment. The more I think about it, the more her younger brother, now coming up to one and a half are competing for my attention.

They've started pushing each other out of the way when hugging me and fighting over who can hug me / sit next to me/ lie next to me etc.

My little one was really easy and independent to put to sleep until very recently and I would often sleep at least some of the time with my older girl because my younger one was happy to sleep alone. That's changed recently and I often need to sleep with the little one and my girl does come and find us eventually, but perhaps when she wakes up and I'm not with her, she feels disconnected.

She just came and gave me a hug and told me I am her best friend. She always asks for hugs and cuddles too at the moment.

OP posts:

Lemon23 · 29/08/2023 19:23

That's very sweet❤, treasure the "I love you" moments. I think it's quite normal at that age.

Sleepyteach · 29/08/2023 19:28

My four year old tells me she loves me all the time! It’s cute and sometimes there’s a reason, like I’ve done something nice for her, or she likes my sparkly eyes 😂 sometimes it’s completely out the blue, like walking across the supermarket car park the other day. She also says I’m her best friend and that she’ll never leave me and wants to live with me forever. She wants to live abroad though but I’ve been told I’ve got to go too, but daddy is only allowed to come visit sometimes. 😂

Ladyj84 · 29/08/2023 19:34

It's a normal little girl lol we have 2 of them

Rudolphthefrog · 29/08/2023 19:39

One of mine as a toddler used it as a conversation opener. If she wanted attention or to talk to me, but didn’t know what else to say she’d say “I love you”. Or she’d say “Mummy”, I’d say “yes?” and she’d pause for a while, not think of anything to say, so would say “I love you”. A bit like you might walk into a room and say to someone “what’s up” or “how’s it going”. It was quite sweet and I think she was just wanting attention or reassurance. She grew out of it as her conversation skills became more sophisticated.

GilbertMarkham · 29/08/2023 19:44

Yes, there is an "I love you" phase. Record it for when they're teenagers.

Crowfinch · 29/08/2023 19:51

GilbertMarkham · 29/08/2023 19:44

Yes, there is an "I love you" phase. Record it for when they're teenagers.

Was just thinking along those lines! The pre teen still throws a 'love you' at me at bedtime. The teen keeps asking if he'll inherit the house when i die.

VintageBlossomHill · 29/08/2023 20:11

One of my boys told me he loved me incessantly around this age. I used to reply that I loved him more and I used to worry that he needed reassurance for some reason so I felt uneasy. Like everything else the phase passed eventually. He is 8 now and still tell me he loves me most days usually at bedtime. His twin brother asks for a hug occasionally if he feeling tired - I treasure it. My 10 DD isn’t very huge.

Luhou · 29/08/2023 20:13

My DD nearly 3 is exactly the same "I really really love you mummy". I think it's just learning to express emotions. As others When have said, talk a lot about emotions at nursery. If she says she feels sad I make sure I ask her what was making her sad and say well done for telling me and that she can tell me anything. We are due another baby soon so may be why in our case.

1983Louise · 29/08/2023 20:15

My granddaughter holds my hand going upstairs and tells me we're best friends. I treasure these times and loves her so much

89redballoons · 29/08/2023 20:22

My DS1 is 3 years 8 months and he is definitely in the same phase. I've had "I love you really much" today, and at breakfast he said he would play with his friends at nursery, "but mummy, you and Daddy and [baby brother] are my BEST friends". It's adorable!

He also gets sad, scared and shy mixed up. It's a good thing if they're talking about their feelings, I think. Might be good to also get her to talk about when she's happy, if you're concerned.

Tiredalwaystired · 29/08/2023 20:37

Sounds perfectly normal to me

iontheprize · 29/08/2023 20:51

Rudolphthefrog · 29/08/2023 19:39

One of mine as a toddler used it as a conversation opener. If she wanted attention or to talk to me, but didn’t know what else to say she’d say “I love you”. Or she’d say “Mummy”, I’d say “yes?” and she’d pause for a while, not think of anything to say, so would say “I love you”. A bit like you might walk into a room and say to someone “what’s up” or “how’s it going”. It was quite sweet and I think she was just wanting attention or reassurance. She grew out of it as her conversation skills became more sophisticated.

Yes, I remember a friend telling me that when kids that age incessantly ask Why and follow up with Why, its actually them just trying to hold your attention and make conversation. Really sweet if you think about it