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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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I’m upset that my friend compared being gay to being a paedophile

35 replies

Mortificationnation · 29/08/2023 18:54

I was recently having lunch with a friend when I was updating her about my son who is gay. She was asking if he was dating anyone. She said that being gay was like being a paedophile, that it was just the way he was. I was so shocked and upset at what she said that I didn’t challenge her. I’m really annoyed with myself about this.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this is a horrible thing to say. I feel like I don’t want to be friends with someone who could say something like this. Am I being over sensitive. For clarity I have absolutely no issue with my son being gay.

OP posts:
mrsbitaly · 29/08/2023 18:55

That is absolutely disgusting I'm horrified for you.

I wouldn't be friends with anyone that had those kind of thoughts about my child being gay

Hiddenvoice · 29/08/2023 18:57

You are definitely not being over sensitive, this was a disgusting remark to make. Your son is gay and that is amazing. It’s great he is open with it about and you should be proud of him no matter what (it sounds like you already are). She made a disgusting comparison there, it seems like she thinks it’s a bad thing which is absolutely is not.

I would have been shocked by her comment so I fully understand not arguing back but I would cut all ties with her. I would not count her as a friend and if she ever asks again then I would pull her up on her blatant homophobia.

Simonjt · 29/08/2023 18:59

Sadly not a surprise, I’ve been told on here both on posts and pms that I shouldn’t be allowed to have a son as I’ll like SA him as I’m a gay man.

Non-straight people are fairly regularly either compared to peadophiles, or accused of being them.

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/08/2023 18:59

Dump the bigoted moron.

Tinkerbyebye · 29/08/2023 19:00

That’s an absolutely horrific thing to say

she wouldn’t be a friend anymore. I would just block and refuse to engage

Azaeleasinbloom · 29/08/2023 19:01

Horrific thing to say, never mind think. I am sorry that your friend has shown her true colours to you in such a disgusting way. But now you know. So dump her.

Glad your son has a supportive mum.

Spirallingdownwards · 29/08/2023 19:01

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Time to end that friendship.

WomenShouldStillWinWomensSports · 29/08/2023 19:02

Yes I've been accused of this as a bisexual woman. That and trying to steal everyone's boyfriends at work when I worked at a particular McDonalds 10 years ago, despite the fact I wasn't even slightly interested in any of them. I just don't understand how some people reach adulthood without drowning in their own saliva because they're too stupid to swallow it.

Sparklesocks · 29/08/2023 19:02

Disgusting and stupid. Goodness knows why anyone would think that’s an appropriate thing to say.

Throwawayme · 29/08/2023 19:03

Another vote for end this friendship. What a terrible thing to say

Jevwaypock · 29/08/2023 19:05

Absolutely disgusting that she said that to you OP. Her thoughts are bigoted and quite frankly disgusting. I would also end the friendship.
I would text her and let her know that she is disgusting and that you will no longer be speaking to her and ignore anything that she may reply. So sorry you had to experience this!

GilbertMarkham · 29/08/2023 19:05

She's bonkers.

I think the pertinent point is that, even if paedophiles can't help being paediphiles, they damage children .... While gay people, who have consenting relationships and sex with other adults, do not.

On the subject of her ... Interesting .... views on paedophiles, it is actually thought that "true paedophiles" are naturally, as such, inclined to be that way and that consistent differences can be observed in their brains. By true paedophiles, I mean, people who are exclusively attracted sexually and emotionally to children and who pretty much never form relationships with other adults. It looks like they have defective brain parts.

True paedophiles of this type however make up only a very small percentage of paedophiles; better described as child sex abusers.

The vast majority of child sex abusers form relationships with adults, are often married or attached, often have kids, and what typifies them is an exploitative, predatory, selfish, low integrity, very low empathy personality type..

They have sex with children because they are predators and exploiters, not because they are solely or primarily attracted to children.
It's just an opportunity for sex to exploit with someone vulnerable, naive, immature, who may not speak up or be believed, and who may be manipulated into not speaking up or convinced that the behaviour is normal.

Howdoesitworkagain · 29/08/2023 19:06

Your friend is stupid.

It sounds like she’s bought into the (wrong) narrative that paedophilia is a sexual orientation. There are people who peddle this crap and try to say it should be accepted as such, “just like being gay”. I’d be suspicious of how she came to believe this. What paedophile in her life persuaded her that it’s an orientation and just the way people are?

DysonSpheres · 29/08/2023 19:06

She just turned around and said being gay was the same as being a paedophile? I find that strange and somewhat difficult to believe. Context is needed (and missing) here.

Jeschara · 29/08/2023 19:06

I would dump the ignorant,bigoted, no nothing cow.

IncompleteSenten · 29/08/2023 19:06

What the fuck?! That's extremely offensive and I'm not sure I could continue a friendship with someone who thinks like that.

DerekFaker · 29/08/2023 19:06

What the hell? Not only is she nasty, she's stupid as well. I couldn't get past something like this.

I'd LOVE to hear from the people who voted YABU, unless they did so by accident?

WomenShouldStillWinWomensSports · 29/08/2023 19:06

Sorry I meant to quote @Simonjt there.
It's depressingly common for some straight people to be polite to your face but extremely nasty behind your back.
Now you know OP, because she saw you as a "safe" person (as you're presumably straight too, or she thinks you are?), you can decide to protect your son and have nothing to do with her.

BaaCode · 29/08/2023 19:11

Good lord, that's an absolutely horrible and disgusting thing to say. I would be furious if a friend of mine made such a bigoted comment.
I couldn't be friends with such a person.

LilyMumsnet · 29/08/2023 19:58

We deleted this thread whilst we had a look behind the scenes - we've spoken to the OP and we're going to reinstate it now.

Hufflepods · 29/08/2023 19:59

Very, very odd comment for someone to make imo.

Mortificationnation · 29/08/2023 20:07

DysonSpheres · 29/08/2023 19:06

She just turned around and said being gay was the same as being a paedophile? I find that strange and somewhat difficult to believe. Context is needed (and missing) here.

The context was we were having lunch in a cafe. She asked if my son was dating anyone. I said he wasn’t. She said that being gay was like being a paedophile, you were just born that way.

OP posts:
MrsB2603 · 29/08/2023 20:08

What an uneducated and small minded friend you have! I’d not be contacting her again if it was me! Sorry you had to hear that ignorant remark!

moomoosaka · 29/08/2023 20:09

I hope you don't still view her as a friend

chmod777 · 29/08/2023 21:15

DysonSpheres · 29/08/2023 19:06

She just turned around and said being gay was the same as being a paedophile? I find that strange and somewhat difficult to believe. Context is needed (and missing) here.

In what context could this possibly be okay?

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