To feel a bit aggrieved about this

[MissMarplesNiece]

Every year I look after pet cat for a week or so while relative 1 goes on holiday. Relative 1 never asks me themself (we don't have each others contact details), it's all done via relative 2 and I collect cat from relative 2. Relative 1 never provides food or cat litter so I buy this myself.

At the end of relative 1's holiday, I return cat to them via relative 2. I've never had thanks passed on to me or had a thank you card - even a scribbled note on a postcard. When people looked after my pets in the past I always bought them a small gift as a token of appreciation, but have never received anything from relative 1 - not even a thank you text.

AIBU to feel a bit resentful that relative 1 is saving over £100 on cattery fees but can't even send a few sachets of cat food/some cat litter or even be bothered to say thank you?

R1 knows its me looking after the cat.

Then it really is very bizarre @MissMarplesNiece & you need to stop doing it or accept you're a walkover.

In that case, just say no. And if they ask why, tell them you can't afford to be out of pocket to do them a favour.

Oh for pity's sake, if you're not even close enough to have relative 1's contact details, then why the fuck are you looking after their cat, including paying for their food and litter?

This whole thing is too bizarre for words and I truly do not understand how people get into these situations.

You need to have more self confidence and be more assertive. You're being used here and you know it! Question is, are you prepared to do the work to stop it?

Part of you probably tells yourself it's too late now you've started, but it's not. You can easily (if you build your self confidence) tell person 2 that you don't find it acceptable to be asked by a third person and even less okay about it to be expected to buy the cat food!

I’ve never heard of such a preposterous agreement. I wonder who person 1 and person 2 are, and which of them has this power over you?

I also suspect this is not the first and you're probably used to it so you might not recognise it. But for what it's worth, no, you are definitely not BU. The fact you have to even ask is something you should give some serious consideration.

This is such a bizarre situation!
I think you already know YANBU regarding the provision of food/cat litter and the lack of thanks.
But why have you and R1 never communicated? Have you never asked for their number to discuss the cat with them directly? What if the cat needed to go to the vet? Why is R2 always the "middle man"? Why did you agree to this odd set up in the first place? Ad infinitum...

And what if you say no?

OK @MissMarplesNiece ... now you have us all baffled. How did this bizarre arrangement come about? Why are you not communicating directly with the cat's owner? Who are these relatives to have such a weird hold over you.... parent and sibling?

Stop. This is ridiculous! When my dogs go into kennels, I send their food ready bagged, toys, beds. How mad that you don’t speak to one another and she doesn’t send food/litter.

Really?

Why are you not in contact withR1

How do you know this?

It's probably a family matriarch organising a cousin or an aunt of the op.... 'saving' them from their cat problem to feee them to travel and delegating the family scapegoat who is so used to it that she does as she's told.

Probably for a peaceful life, which I'm not blaming you for OP. But it's not great to people please to keep the peace. There's a strong, better way than that.

How did this come about?

Why did you agree to do something (repeatedly) for someone you do not talk to?

Good grief! Why on earth do you bother?

Why do you keep doing it? I would expect at least a thank you!

Sounds to me that R2 has been asked, gets you to do it and they get the thanks!

stopdoing it, R2 can do it

" the funking cat" 🤣

Why bother? Just say no.

Weirdest set up in the world.

Why aren't you explaining / expanding on why there is absolutely no communication between the relative and yourself?

I am not close to R1 but see R2 often. The first time R2 asked me if I would mind looking after R1's cat for a week, R2 said they'd do it but have cats of their own and thought the cats wouldn't get on/cause distress to cats, so I said yes. Never thought R1 wouldnt provide necessary bits & pieces, or even say thank you. It just followed on that R2 asked me again the following year and I had other stuff on my mind - DM in hospital - so I just did it again. Since then it sort of became '"assumed" that me & DH would do it.

I find it quite difficult to know whether boundaries are reasonable or not (yes, I know, I'm working on it) so felt mean saying no or asking to be provided with cat food etc.

When I went to get cat from R2 yesterday I asked if R1 had left food and cat litter and got an eyeroll & snort. I think R1 generally takes advantage of other members of the family. I've noticed stuff they've done before - but somehow it's always easier to spot when it's being done to others than done to me.

It's totally unreasonable for a planned break to not provide for a pet. To not thank or acknowledge you as well is ridiculous. I'd be tempted to keep the cat as its essentially not being provided for. I'm not even someone who would ever get a cat, but this is shoddy

Send the bills for food and litter to R1 and ask if they want to send a cheque or do a direct transfer to your account.

Easy enough. Tell them no OP. Practise 'dont ask me again because I'll refuse' in the mirror.

This 100% ^

Either say no or if you like dcat hold it hostage until funds are received...