To not want to buy FIL a birthday gift?

[sugaraddict02]

So it’s my FIL’s birthday next month and he will be turning 88.

I have made it clear to my husband that I will not be buying him a birthday gift/ card or contributing towards / attending FIL’s birthday dinner.

It may sound petty but on my birthday earlier on in the year FIL never got me a birthday card/ present.

I dont see the point in wasting money on a birthday present for someone I am not particularly close too just to keep DH happy.

I originally thought you were being unreasonable but your fil does seem like a piece of work. Of course if your family adopted the normal card/present practices ie one card/ present from one family then there would be no issue except you not going to the birthday meal. I would probably still go as he is still dh's father and dc's grandfather - my late fil was not the nicest individual but we just politely ignored each other for the most part.

I originally posted YABU, turn read the posts and changed my mind. It’s weird to get individual gifts, and if hubby wants you to buy his parents then he should buy yours - irrespective of whether ppl get on or not.

Sounds like you’ve had enough of their petty and rude behaviour, you do you 👏

At the end of the day, DH would have known Father's Day was coming up, but obviously forgot, so it's your fault for not organising a card. Been there, got the t-shirt.
You didn't get anything for your Birthday in retaliation. You can be the bigger person and attend the party, but insist that DH organises a card and gift.

The only thing I will say is, you will be damned if you do and damned if you don't, regarding attending the party and the card/gift situation.
In-laws can be fabulous, as my parents were towards all their sil/dil's, or awful like my in-laws were, even their daughter went to great lengths to avoid them....

What? The DH forgets Father's Day so she should have got one?

RTFT there's more to it than that.

My ex...i bought his mum n dad gifts on behalf of us, in hindsight and if i was to find another OH they can buy their own family. Yet again all on the woman. His mum and dad were vile though...i bought them really thoughtful presents, but they never said thankyou. I bought them a portable slow cooker they wanted for caravan, they didn't stop going on about it and said they were going yo buy one in the sales...I bought the one they said they wanted £49.99 for them for xmas.. but when opened it said to my ex (their son)... did she get it? we can return it right? They were horrible in many ways. If their son had bought chosen it theyd have been over the moon. Really codependent family who didn't want outsiders unless approved by them (complicit...complying). Let their son buy the present OP.

YABU not to go to the dinner, but YANBU not to buy separate gifts! That's super weird and unnecessary.

I stopped buying in laws presents and cards years ago, they get nothing now because their son buys them nothing!

What do you mean about the father's day gift?
1 - your DH didn't buy him a gift, and you FIL sees that as your responsibility
2 - your FIL expects an father's day gift from you

If it's 1, then you DH needs to make clear to your FIL that it was down to him, and that the FIL needs to stop giving you grief about that - or anything else.

If it's 2, then that's not a thing! Father's Day (and Mother's day) gifts are given by children, not children-in-law.

It all sounds very odd to me. My DH buys a Mother's Day card and writes it from both of us. Before FiL died he did it for him too. Both my parents are dead now so I don't buy Mother's day or Father's Day cards anymore. Why doesn't your DH buy his parents cards, and include your name too? That would be normal. In your case your FiL is 88 so I'd just attend a meal if you've been invited. He might not have many birthdays left. You don't want your DH memory of what might be his last birthday of you refusing to attend.

That you certainly don't have to get him a present, but tbh, not because he didn't get you you. He is your husband's father, he can organise a gift for him.

I have stopped reminding dh of family birthdays and buying his side presents - nb, he has adhd and isn't great with this stuff, he never expected me to do this, I did it voluntarily, but then decided it was just another bit of mental load I didn't need so I stopped. MIL, however expects people to be offended if you don't remember everyone's birthdays including all your in laws etc, but have decided that is also not my problem.