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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mil and bins

67 replies

SpiderD · 29/08/2023 11:38

Holidaying with MIL, my husband and kids.

Brought tied carrier bag of rubbish down from my bathroom bin and put it general bin that's to go out later.

MIL proceeds to untie and go through it. Asked her what she's doing. She says she just wants to add more rubbish to it, which is not necessary, and suspect she is just going through my bin to see if anything recyclable has been left in there (apparently my waste sorting skills are not up to scratch).

I asked her not to go through my bathroom waste (not a conversation I really relish) but she continues.

I've now taken the bag from her and am having to put in my car to take home after the bloody holiday.

Feeling v fucked off and just wanted to check - is this actually normal? (TMI but several tampons and DH used condom features in said bathroom waste not sure she needs to sift through either)

OP posts:

FreeRider · 29/08/2023 14:38

@UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername We had a real fire in one of the sitting rooms, I can imagine the look on my mother's face if I'd done that! My sympathy to you and your sisters...

Her reasoning was that her and her 3 sisters 'had to throw them in the bin' when they were living at home, and she thought that was disgusting, and I should 'count myself lucky' I could flush them away. It was also so my father and two brothers didn't know I was having my period...wasn't allowed to have any sanitary products on display either in the bathroom or my own bedroom for the same reason.

Original poster

SpiderD · 29/08/2023 14:43

@UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername I'm picturing toasting used tampons on a stick like marshmallows. Am guessing it wasn't quite that bad?

OP posts:

SM4713 · 29/08/2023 14:45

SpiderD · 29/08/2023 14:36

@SM4713 wtf she went through your stuff? That's awful. How did you find out? And did she apologise? (Or were you too mortified to bring it up?)

The vag itch cream had been left on the side in our en-suite and I could tell my toiletry bag and suitcase had been rummaged through. I was too mortified to mention it as it was the 1st time I'd ever met them.

I did clothing/food shopping when there- and the 1st thing she did when I brought the bags inside- was open and look through them all. I did say something and never saw her do it again. I've been with DH now over 20yrs, but I'm extremally wary of MIL ever since. The 1 time I queried her other odd behaviors- she claimed she didn't know what I was talking about and couldn't recall. (no dementia/health issues etc).

Original poster

SpiderD · 29/08/2023 14:46

@knobkopf that is next level bad neighbour behaviour. The sick fucker! Actually sounds rather violating.

OP posts:

Darkmodal · 29/08/2023 15:00

I don't throw my sanitary towels away at my MILs. She is the type who would open a bag and check the contents. Or ask me a personal question in front of everyone. If I'm on when we visit I take a rubbish bag to keep in our room and dispose of it myself.

She lives quite far away so we often stay for a little while and need to do some washing. She is very insistent that she does it so I make sure to take enough underwear as I don't want her handling my knickers. Even so, I have still found her in our room, sorting through a pile of dirty clothes, when I haven't asked her to and didn't know she was going to. (She keeps her own bedroom door shut and no one is allowed in, apparently I am not afforded the same level of privacy!)

Once, when my SIL was also there (her daughter) she was sorting clean washing and held a pair of knickers aloft, stretched between her hands and asked me in front of everyone, adults and children, if they were mine. They weren't,(obviously) they were my SILs and she put them down so quickly when she was told - can't be embarrassing her daughter like that but it's OK for me!

Weird all round.

Mummy08m · 29/08/2023 15:05

WhateverMate · 29/08/2023 13:09

I read the thread title and thought this was going to be about a badly written romance novel! 🤣🤣

Hahaha underrated pun

Original poster

SpiderD · 29/08/2023 15:07

@Mummy08m oh now I get it!!

OP posts:

WhateverMate · 29/08/2023 15:26

SpiderD · 29/08/2023 15:07

@Mummy08m oh now I get it!!

I knew someone would if I was patient 😁

pontipinemum · 29/08/2023 15:43

My MIL, not as much as that (well we haven't been on holiday so IDK) goes through the bin. To 'sort things correctly'. Bin charges were recently increased where we live and she wanted to consolidate our bins I told DH absolutely not!

pontipinemum · 29/08/2023 15:46

@Darkmodal we were lucky to have my ILs of course and I am grateful. But we lived with them for a few months at one point. MIL used to go into our room to do our washing even though we had asked many many times for her not to. She one said 'I haven't had to wash skimpy knickers like yours since SIL was younger' I was morto!!

Original poster

SpiderD · 29/08/2023 16:17

Oof could cut the tension with a knife round here right now. But I'm standing firm in the knowledge that this is not normal behaviour.

Would I be wrong to deposit the spunky Tampax sack in husbands suitcase for not properly having my back?

OP posts:

SM4713 · 29/08/2023 16:34

I'm trying to think about what could possibly be recycled from a bathroom bin? Wash, iron and re-use tissues? Pull the ends of ear buds and recycle the bamboo stick? Cut tampon stings off and re-use around the house and garden??? 😂

BlueBlubbaWhale · 29/08/2023 16:34

Eww she's grim. I'd be putting all sorts of tissues dirtied with all sorts of things in there. And a pregnancy test with a line drawn on just for shits and giggles.

SM4713 · 29/08/2023 16:37

BlueBlubbaWhale · 29/08/2023 16:34

Eww she's grim. I'd be putting all sorts of tissues dirtied with all sorts of things in there. And a pregnancy test with a line drawn on just for shits and giggles.

Plus add in some crotchless and edible underpants (partially nibbled on). 😂

SquishyGloopyBum · 29/08/2023 16:41

I'd say to your DH in a loud voice so that she can overhear "but why do you want your mum to find your spunky used condom?"

But I have no shame!

FictionalCharacter · 29/08/2023 17:12

SpiderD · 29/08/2023 12:55

Now you're all going to tell me I have a DH problem. Husband spoke to her but it went more like 'thank you so much for everything you've done to keep the place tidy but spider would prefer to leave the bathroom bin bag alone, but thank you again for being so helpful nonetheless, we really appreciate it'

and she went off in a sulk and said she should go home early and now I'm the bad guy

FFS

Well…. You DO have a dh problem! He thanked her? He said YOU wanted her to leave the bathroom bag alone? Is he ok with her rummaging through his used condoms?!

Original poster

SpiderD · 29/08/2023 17:15

@FictionalCharacter I know! And if that's what DH said he said, then it probably was even less assertive than that...(I didn't hear it first hand)

OP posts:

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