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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

can't work out if dsd had us over on rent

44 replies

todaysusernameisthis · 28/08/2023 23:50

think dsd has had us over on rent but not sure if it's on purpose or if i am miscalculating etc not keen on bringing it up to dh until i am for certain. dsd lives with us and pays rent, she usually pays on the 25th after being paid but then the date randomly changed to the 3rd of the month after and then not again until the 25th, which would mean 1 month was skipped wouldn't it? not sure if i am unreasonable to even mention it tbh

don't want to drip feed but my ds (previous marriage but 6 years older than dsd) always paid his rent and it wasn't ever negotiable so it isn't a case of me being ridiculous to care about 1 month etc just want it to be fair on him too.

thanks

OP posts:
RoarRoarBoom · 28/08/2023 23:51

Was it the 3rd and 25th in the same month she paid?

Icycloud · 28/08/2023 23:51

Yeah it’s more like he’s missed a week I think? Just tell him to pay it if he can afford it

Original poster
todaysusernameisthis · 28/08/2023 23:53

RoarRoarBoom · 28/08/2023 23:51

Was it the 3rd and 25th in the same month she paid?

Edited

no, never paid twice in the same month it was the 25th and then not again until the 3rd so it was late but if paid on the 25th again of that month it would have been ok but not again until the next 25th the month after

OP posts:
bellsbuss · 28/08/2023 23:54

Then one month is owed

EinyLinky · 28/08/2023 23:55

Yeah, definitely a missed month. No idea if it's on purpose or not though, but seems like it probably would be?

SuchiRolls · 28/08/2023 23:55

Hypothetically, if it was:

May: 25th
June: missed
July: 3rd
Aug: 25th

??? like that? Then yeah they paid June payment late and should have paid again on the 25th July.

UpaladderwatchingTV · 28/08/2023 23:55

If I've understood you properly OP, it just sounds like she was late paying one month, ie, if she paid you on the 25th June, had a payment due on 25th July, but didn't pay until the 3rd August, and then paid again on 25th August, she wouldn't owe you anything.

However, if she paid you on 25th June, missed the payment on 25th July, but paid on the 3rd of August, and then didn't pay until the 25th September, then she has effectively missed a monthly payment.

Hope that helps.

RoarRoarBoom · 28/08/2023 23:57

todaysusernameisthis · 28/08/2023 23:53

no, never paid twice in the same month it was the 25th and then not again until the 3rd so it was late but if paid on the 25th again of that month it would have been ok but not again until the next 25th the month after

Show quote history

Then yes it’s a missed month.

WasserUndBrot · 28/08/2023 23:58

Make a spreadsheet
Month 1: 23rd- £100
Month 2: 23rd- £100
Month 3: ?
Month 4: 3rd- £100

Iris1976 · 29/08/2023 00:02

To me it sounds like your saying
January 25th
February -
March 3rd
April 25th
So missed February,was early in March and back to normal April = 1 month owed.

Original poster
todaysusernameisthis · 29/08/2023 00:04

do you think doing that 3rd payment was to throw us off? or do i just casually mention it to dh to be safe and not accusing

OP posts:
ISeeARedDoorAndIWantToBreakIn · 29/08/2023 00:08

How is she paying the money to you? Can you get her to set up standing order so rent is always paid on the same day?

FFSDILIGAF · 29/08/2023 00:14

Oh for god sake. Who cares! I highly doubt your husband will appreciate you embarrassing his daughter. It's supposed to be a token gesture isnt it. How old is she?

My DSD came to visit this weekend. She hasnt used money once and her dad filled her car for her way home. She's 27. She could come live here at any point to save her money.

melj1213 · 29/08/2023 00:18

TBH whether or not I brought it up after the fact would mostly depend on whether I needed the money or not, especially as it seems to be months down the line at this point.

A one off missed payment should have been picked up on straight away (as in within a few days of the due date) in a casual way just in case there was some sort of banking error or miscalculation IE "Hey Jane, your rent is usually paid on the 25th, it's now the 27th and we haven't received it, is everything OK?" I wouldn't escalate it into a big issue straight away ... I'd highlight it to DP in a more "Jane didn't give you the rent money directly this month did she? It's normally paid into the bank on the 25th but it wasn't there and I wanted to check she hadn't given it to you directly for some reason before I ask her about it,"

It could be as simple as a standing order being mucked up by a bank holiday weekend, them accidentally sending the money to the wrong person or them just forgetting and not manually sending the money as they do every other month.

It could also be that they're struggling financially - either because they've been stupid with money and got themselves in a hole or had an unexpected bill/charge/fine that left them short and they were too embarrassed to say anything and just hoped you'd let it slide and when you didn't ask about the money they just figured they'd keep quiet and get back on track asap.

Either way months down the line I think that I'd maybe mention it to DP more as an FYI and just keep a closer eye on the rent payments so at the sign of any other irregularities you can bring it up in a "We let it slide once but not repeatedly so what's going on?" asap.

Fallingthroughclouds · 29/08/2023 00:19

FFSDILIGAF · 29/08/2023 00:14

Oh for god sake. Who cares! I highly doubt your husband will appreciate you embarrassing his daughter. It's supposed to be a token gesture isnt it. How old is she?

My DSD came to visit this weekend. She hasnt used money once and her dad filled her car for her way home. She's 27. She could come live here at any point to save her money.

It's good you can afford to be that generous. Many however can't.

KajsaKavat · 29/08/2023 00:23

todaysusernameisthis · 29/08/2023 00:04

do you think doing that 3rd payment was to throw us off? or do i just casually mention it to dh to be safe and not accusing

Do you hate her? It sounds like it. Just mention that money is missing without accusing

EinyLinky · 29/08/2023 00:25

FFSDILIGAF · 29/08/2023 00:14

Oh for god sake. Who cares! I highly doubt your husband will appreciate you embarrassing his daughter. It's supposed to be a token gesture isnt it. How old is she?

My DSD came to visit this weekend. She hasnt used money once and her dad filled her car for her way home. She's 27. She could come live here at any point to save her money.

I'm 25 and do that kind of thing for my parents... as my parents could definitely not afford to do that for me. Has it occurred to you that not everyone can financially afford things?

FFSDILIGAF · 29/08/2023 00:26

Fallingthroughclouds · 29/08/2023 00:19

It's good you can afford to be that generous. Many however can't.

Show quote history

OP doesnt appear to be strapped for cash. Her main concern seems to be fairness to her OWN son.

Sounds like it @KajsaKavat

EinyLinky · 29/08/2023 00:31

@FFSDILIGAF but how on earth do you know her financial situation at all? She made her son pay rent too... and why shouldn't the children have it fair? I'm sure it would be the same if it was another biological child

FFSDILIGAF · 29/08/2023 00:38

@EinyLinky Because she cant figure out if the money is missing. Ive lived on both ends of the scale. If the OP needed the money she would have figured out that it was missing in that same month because she would have needed it to pay a bill.

It doesnt matter because it's one month. It's not like the poor kid is lounging around for free on a permanent basis.

DarkDayforMN · 29/08/2023 00:39

todaysusernameisthis · 29/08/2023 00:04

do you think doing that 3rd payment was to throw us off? or do i just casually mention it to dh to be safe and not accusing

Why would you assume she was trying to throw you off, instead of assuming she got confused with the dates herself?

Does she have form for being sly and deceitful? Definitely don’t say
you think it was deliberate, you’ll end up looking bad even if you’re right - because if you’re right, she is manipulative and sneaky enough to use the accusation against you. Just assume the best and ask for her to fix it!

shitt · 29/08/2023 00:39

It’s not that hard to work out. Can you write out the dates for us? It’s different if she paid for January on 25/01/23 and paid for February on 03/02/23 vs 03/03/23

shitt · 29/08/2023 00:40

todaysusernameisthis · 29/08/2023 00:04

do you think doing that 3rd payment was to throw us off? or do i just casually mention it to dh to be safe and not accusing

Girl it’s basic maths, it really isn’t hard to work out. Landlords around the world manage, so can you

AnSolas · 29/08/2023 00:43

FFSDILIGAF · 29/08/2023 00:26

OP doesnt appear to be strapped for cash. Her main concern seems to be fairness to her OWN son.

Sounds like it @KajsaKavat

Show quote history

Why do you think it is ok to steal from family?

OP if you were being paid in advance the payment on the 25th would be for the next month
So
Jan 25 th pays Feb rent
Feb 25 th no payment for Mar
Mar 3 rd pays Mar rent
Mar 25 th no payment for Apr
Apr 3 rd no payment for Apr
Apr 25 th pays Apr rent in arrears
May 3 rd no payment for May
May 25 th pays May rent in arrears

MindfulBear · 29/08/2023 00:44

What do you mean "you want it to be fair on your DS"?
What does fair mean?
If he earns £100k a year and she earns £25k a year....... then fair might mean checking she is ok rather than chasing a missing week or a missing month.....
And clearly you don't need the money or you would know whether you were missing a week or a month......

Tbh your post and subsequent additions don't make you sound very nice.

Or there is more to the story you are not sharing.....

Tbh your best bet is to share the bank statement with your OH and asking him to tell you whether his daughter is up to date with her rent.....