can't work out if dsd had us over on rent

[todaysusernameisthis]

think dsd has had us over on rent but not sure if it's on purpose or if i am miscalculating etc not keen on bringing it up to dh until i am for certain. dsd lives with us and pays rent, she usually pays on the 25th after being paid but then the date randomly changed to the 3rd of the month after and then not again until the 25th, which would mean 1 month was skipped wouldn't it? not sure if i am unreasonable to even mention it tbh

don't want to drip feed but my ds (previous marriage but 6 years older than dsd) always paid his rent and it wasn't ever negotiable so it isn't a case of me being ridiculous to care about 1 month etc just want it to be fair on him too.

thanks

That's a big leap @AnSolas. The kid obviously has something going on thats shes been too embarrassed to talk about.

I'd be asking her if she was ok financially rather than making accusations.

That said, there's obviously a back story due to OPs crappy attitude towards here DSD.

Wow. You got all that from OPs posts? Can you tell me next weeks winning lottery numbers as well since you seem to be all seeing, all knowing 🙄

Isn't it more likely that she gets paid at the end of the month (so after 25th) so moved it to the beginning of the month. I'm sure she didn't deliberately seek to do you out of money. I can't imagine thinking like that. Mention it in a neutral way if you need the money, no need to make more of it than it need be.

Will you DH want to chase her for the money? If not, I'd be inclined to let it go this time but keep a spreadsheet for future payments.

think dsd has had us over on rent but not sure if it's on purpose or if i am miscalculating etc not keen on bringing it up to dh until i am for certain

Those aren’t the only two options. Her dad could have made an arrangement on the side where she could skip rent one month and didn’t mention it to you. Or she could have paid her dad in cash and he spent it instead of depositing it. Or she covered a separate expense her dad would normally cover like eyes/teeth and her dad said, oh if you pay for that don’t worry about rent that month.

It’s a tad odd that your mind goes straight to “think dsd has had us over” almost as if you think she is a natural born thief? You might want to reflect on your opinion of your DSD and why you jumped to such a conclusion.

And then you say like you don’t want to say anything “until I am for certain” - but how can you be certain of anything without talking to DSD or her dad?

Personally, she’s your DSD and I’d say that rent is between her and her Dad so I’d leave it be and not say anything. If her dad says something it’s easy to say, oh I didn’t think nothing of it, I thought you and DSD had come to some agreement for that month, why is there a problem?

I’m ashamed to say that I tried this trick with my parents when I lived with them. I was 22 at the time and very poor. They saw through the trick though

You don’t sound as though you like your DSD very much OP.

I think if it’s a one-off, then let it go (if you can afford it). It was probably an oversight.

However, if it happens again, then maybe write down the payments like above, and explain she’s missed it.

You seem a little confused by the timings so write down all the payments to work out properly if one is missing

Make sure you write down the time period the money covers too eg

25 December to 24 January was paid on 25 January
25 January to 24 February was paid on 3 March.
25 February to 24 March was paid on 25 April.

The question you need. to ask yourself OP is would you automatically think your son had 'had you over' had the same happened with his payments? Or would you be concerned he had something going on? FWIW I don't believe you'd be making accusations about him either to your husband or on here.

Do you need the money? If not I wouldn't make an issue out of it unless ot happens again.

I'd write it all down and show dh from a perspective of "I think dad accidentally missed a payment..." then decide what to do together.

Tbh tho it's likely your dad knows it's happening as the extra money is still in his account.

Its not a leap the DSD made an agreement to pay rent. Its owed the same way she would owe a LL the money.

The kid is an adult if there is an obvious back story then she can tell her Dad, who should the OP, that she is behind in the rent but will catch up. She would have to discuss that with LL or housemate if she was in house share with strangers.

I dont get why the OP has to be the baddie chasing the DSD. If the OP has to come to MN to work out if a months rent is due or not then she is obviously finds the financial admin difficult. If the OP has difficulty working out her financial position and her DH has not noticed I am guessing that OP is left doing the life admin. If both DH and DSD came to an agreement it is very disrespectful of them both not to have informed the OP of it.

The OP is funding living costs that DSD agreed to fund, if it would not be socially acceptable to do that to a LL or a housemate why is it fine to do that with family?

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So yes if the money is owed not paying it is stealing from family.

So 25th January, 3rd March, 25th April? So yes 1 month missing

But how long ago was it and does DSD have form for trying to trick you and get away with stuff? Are they generally disrespectful? Are they skint but scared to tell you because you'll go off at them?

I'd leave it this time but if she does it again mention it to your dh

Well lucky old you to be able to afford it. There is a CoL crisis. She lives there, she should pay her way yes

@todaysusernameisthis get her to pay weekly but it will cost her more in the long run

I paid my DM rent for the short window I lived at home after university and there is not a chance she'd have let me off a payment and she could very much afford it.