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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Been on my own all weekend

34 replies

Betteroffbymyself88 · 28/08/2023 22:10

Dh and I have always been independent and have never been a couple who have to be together 24/7, probably why we have been together nearly 20 years

However we have 2 small children (8 and 3) and I have been on my own with them all weekend as DH has been out. And not at work.

Friday afternoon he went out drinking with a friend, left at 10am, came in at 2am

Saturday he was at a sporting event (has a season ticket) again left at 11am came home about 8pm

Sunday he was out all day with friends, out at 11am and back about 1am this morning

Today as he is working a night shift tonight he has spent all day in bed (from 2am until 7pm tonight) and then moaned at me as youngest was being naughty so got told off and the crying from youngest woke him up!

A weekend of DH being out all weekend wouldn't normally bother me but its been 3 full on days (I've made sure the kids have been out somewhere everyday) I'm back to work tomorrow and am exhausted and realised I haven't had a break all weekend.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 28/08/2023 22:12

Well next weekend you will do as you have booked yourself a weekend away right??

HundredMilesAnHour · 28/08/2023 22:13

Does he ever do any actual parenting?

Gymmum82 · 28/08/2023 22:15

Surely this is give and take? It’s not a normal event every weekend?
Next weekend DH is away Friday to Monday. However if I wanted to go away. Or just out for most of a weekend which happens not infrequently it wouldn’t be a problem either. That’s how normal relationships work

Doublebubblegum · 28/08/2023 22:15

I don't see a massive issue, as long as you get to do the same some other weekend.

Cherryana · 28/08/2023 22:16

I would have lost my shit by the end of Saturday.

Devilsmommy · 28/08/2023 22:18

Cherryana · 28/08/2023 22:16

I would have lost my shit by the end of Saturday.

So would I. Dou you get a weekend off next week then?🤨

Sigmama · 28/08/2023 22:20

Is family time not important to him? What an arse

Original poster
Betteroffbymyself88 · 28/08/2023 22:22

Probably should add this isn't unusual, there are many weekends when he will be out Saturday and Sunday, I think the extra day and the Friday night has just high lighted it

And I maybe get to go out for lunch with a friend maybe once every 3 months.

OP posts:
Treepigeon · 28/08/2023 22:24

Betteroffbymyself88 · 28/08/2023 22:22

Probably should add this isn't unusual, there are many weekends when he will be out Saturday and Sunday, I think the extra day and the Friday night has just high lighted it

And I maybe get to go out for lunch with a friend maybe once every 3 months.

You need to start arranging to go out and do things for yourself. There is a huge huge unbalance here and it's not fair.

Devilsmommy · 28/08/2023 22:25

Betteroffbymyself88 · 28/08/2023 22:22

Probably should add this isn't unusual, there are many weekends when he will be out Saturday and Sunday, I think the extra day and the Friday night has just high lighted it

And I maybe get to go out for lunch with a friend maybe once every 3 months.

Oh hell no!!! You need to tell him that he's taking the piss and you're going out all weekend just as he does and he can watch the children. I don't know how you haven't already lost it at him tbh, you must be a saint.

StSwithinsDay · 28/08/2023 22:27

Does he object if you make plans to go out on your own at the weekends?

WineIsMyMainVice · 28/08/2023 22:29

Book yourself a full weekend with friends etc very soon! Even if no friends available book yourself into a hotel for the night and enjoy a long bath with a glass of something nice and enjoy the peace!!
If you don’t do this now then this weekend is what the future holds for you.

PeloMom · 28/08/2023 22:31

Have you spoken to him about this? Can you agree that he gets saturdays and you get sundays? Or one week he gets sat you Sunday, the following week the other way round or whatever works for you? What he does is not on. When does he spend quality time with the kids?

Gymmum82 · 28/08/2023 22:31

Book yourself a weekend away. You’ll only become resentful if it’s always him out and never you

LovedmyRaleighChopper · 28/08/2023 22:34

Do you enjoy being a martyr?

Daddylonglegs123 · 28/08/2023 22:34

I would arrange some long over due time to myself either with friends or going to a hotel by myself.

If he doesn’t agree to this and to be a proper parent whilst you are away. I would seriously be questioning my future with him.

He is behaving as though he is still single and child free and taking the pee whilst you pick up the slack and enable him to live this life.

AuntMarch · 28/08/2023 22:34

Dh and I have always been independent and have never been a couple who have to be together 24/7

that's not really the full truth is it, you used to be like that as a couple, but when you had children he continued in the same way, leaving you holding the baby.

I don't actually have many married friends but those I do, it is pretty common either to have alternate Saturdays (with Sundays spent all together) or a whole weekend a month (with the other two spent all together).

I have a season ticket, it's usually one afternoon every other weekend for a home game (occasionally a week night too) and I've always assumed it would be the same with most sports. I've not come across the one that would allow me to check out of my responsibilities all weekend most weekends, I'll have to look into that. /s

ConnieTucker · 28/08/2023 22:35

As this is an established pattern for him, i think you need to ho hard at first. Every other weekend you ho out all day both days. Leave him to it.

Sigmama · 28/08/2023 22:35

Why are you letting this happen? They're his kids too

shoeawsome · 28/08/2023 22:37

This absolutely isn't fair!
What are you going to do about it?

Daddylonglegs123 · 28/08/2023 22:37

I don’t understand why you had kids together you might as well be a single parent.

MadamWhiteleigh · 28/08/2023 22:46

You need to say something.

LumpyandBumps · 28/08/2023 22:46

Even if the going out didn’t bother me I would be livid at him expecting the kids to be quiet whilst he spends 17 hours in bed.

Ohyousillybilly · 28/08/2023 22:49

He's neglecting his children in favour of his friends, he is a bad parent. I wouldn't accept this, his children need him to be present in their lives. He is an incredibly selfish parent to ignore his children each weekend.

When was the last time that you spent quality time as a family? Was he brought up in a dysfunctional family with highly individualistic and selfish parents? Where did he pick it up from to think this is normal family life?

TomatoSandwiches · 28/08/2023 22:52

Was any if this discussed before hand or did he just go and do it?