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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Four year old twins left home alone

112 replies

MrsDoylesTeaTrolley · 27/08/2023 10:08

For at least an hour. Is there any circumstance that makes this reasonable?

OP posts:
Pinchelada · 27/08/2023 13:36

Morning, not morons!

WaltzingWaters · 27/08/2023 13:46

Definitely not okay. Ever.

BlueMonday7 · 27/08/2023 13:57

No

RadishAndTwiglet · 27/08/2023 13:58

There was an awful story a while back of a poor little girl (toddler age) who died after being left alone for several days on end while her young mother went out partying. She was estranged from her family after running away as a teenager.

I think it was NYE and then her 21st birthday or something similar, so she felt entitled to do go to several parties without returning home in between, leaving some food out for her child, who was far too young to be able to feed and toilet herself properly anyway. She treated her baby as though it were a cat. Food and water left out, telly on for company, what's the problem?

No-one noticed that she was gone or heard the poor child cry. It was an assisted living type place for vulnerable young mothers and there was a staffed office, yet no-one noticed that she went out without the child and didn't return for days.

When the case came to court she was seen on CCTV leaving and then returning home to find the child dead.

People are too often scared to ask questions for fear of being told they are nosey or meddling, especially if it turns out they are wrong and there was a babysitter there all along. But if your gut is telling you to make some checks then knock on the door and bloody well check. Make up an excuse if need be, but check.

Chocolatesandroses · 27/08/2023 13:58

No

Viviennemary · 27/08/2023 14:03

No. Report.

CKL987 · 27/08/2023 14:09

How did you know they were definitely alone?

Changingtides1234 · 27/08/2023 14:10

Omg this reminds me of that young mum who left her child for four days.
the child died.

she started off just an hour here and and hour there.

CornishTiger · 27/08/2023 14:37

The staff aren’t responsible for the children. Please report it to them and if she does it again 999. It’s police for immediate safeguarding.

JudgeRudy · 27/08/2023 14:43

You need to report this. I'm assuming you're all in some sort of hostel and probably the children were in bed. She's made a judgement call and thought they'll be 'OK for a bit'...either her judgement is screwed or more likely she knows what she is doing is wrong and she's desperate. My first bet would be addiction however its possible she's meeting up with ex. Worst case scenarios she's 'working'.She's not asked anyone to mind the twins for an hour because the natural Q would be, where are you going. She's doing something dodgy.
You need to report this incident. Also, mention the car. It's possible there's a restraining order against the driver. This might be just the opportunity to get him behind bars.

I have reported someone to Social Services before. Its not nice but when asked who's side I'm on I will always say the children's.

Scirocco · 27/08/2023 14:44

SnuggleBuggleBoo · 27/08/2023 11:24

Who the fuck leaves their kids alone during the apocalypse?! I find it bizarre that in the film 'Sully' a mother hands her baby to the complete stranger next to when the plane is going down. If you believe you're all going to die surely your overwhelming instinct is to hold your little ones closer than ever?

Show quote history

At 4 they could potentially be trained up with basic weapons. According to sci fi, an armed, feral child can do some serious damage.

Embarrassednamechangeadoddle · 27/08/2023 14:51

Is there staff linked to the flats, like DV support workers? I wonder if you could mention to them, I am assuming they are fairly competent at dealing with safeguarding issues.

gogomoto · 27/08/2023 15:03

Are you sure another resident/key worker wasn't watching the kids? If your block is like the ones my work was linked to a neighbour could easily have a baby monitor in their place and nip over as soon as they wake as the units are small all within a building which is secured with cameras on the doors (no different from me putting a child to nap upstairs in my house).

Whilst it sounds concerning I can see cases where you may be jumping the gun as they were being watched or monitored

Wrongsideofliz · 27/08/2023 15:12

MrsDoylesTeaTrolley · 27/08/2023 10:21

I didn’t hear/see her leave, but she returned (solo) in a car I’ve never seen at this address before. There was at least an hour between when I realised the children were alone and the time their mother returned.

How do you know they were alone?

zingerdoo · 27/08/2023 15:16

No- absolutely not! I have a reasonably sensible and independent 4 year old and there is no way I would leave her home alone for an hour! It takes seconds for things to go wrong, but even outside of that, they are still so little that they need the reassurance the presence of an adult provides. My daughter will happily play by herself for quite long periods but will still "check in" from time to time if I'm in an adjoining room, as well as the times she wants/ needs things she can't do for herself because she is only 4!!!
I would definitely be very concerned and, honestly, would report.

PriamFarrl · 27/08/2023 15:25

No way at all. Are you sure they were alone?

Lulubo1 · 27/08/2023 15:25

Absolutely report this. I am in shock that 21% of people in the poll think YABU!? WTF is wrong with people?? 4 yr olds are so vulnerable and cannot be left alone

TeenLifeMum · 27/08/2023 15:35

Nope and twins even worse than a singleton because they egg each other on and have extra confidence (my experience).

oakleaffy · 27/08/2023 15:45

Children have died in house fires when older and left for far less time.
Zero excuses.
Are they Twins?
Report anonymously- this is serious negligence.

oakleaffy · 27/08/2023 15:46

Sorry op I see you say they are twins
a neighb had two kids the same age 9 months apart!

Ponderingwindow · 27/08/2023 15:47

The correct response to discovering a confirmed unsupervised 4 yo is to contact the police.

It isn’t just a general safeguarding concern.

very few parents would leave a child that young so there is a decent chance of someone being in distress. If there is not, it is still a circumstance that requires immediate intervention by the proper authorities and a call to the police will get that started

uncomfortablydumb53 · 27/08/2023 16:06

No of course not
Twins could be even more dangerous if they egged each other on

Janiie · 27/08/2023 16:07

It's like cancel the cheque. She has 'reported'.

The point is she didn't see the lady leave so equally could have missed seeing a babysitter enter. One of the other vulnerable woman in this facility for vulnerable women could have been watching the kids.

Surely, surely before we 'report' we should gather actual facts.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 27/08/2023 16:09

My colleague used to leave her 3 all day and they were 12, 5 and 3 and that was bad enough.